What happened to “Tenderness”? NM

Sunday, December 2nd, 2018

“We win by tenderness, we conquer by forgiveness” ~ Frederick William Robertson ~


It was Christmas celebration Downtown Alamogordo, New Mexico.



Beneficence, benevolence, benignancy, benignity, compassionateness, good heartedness, kindliness, softheartedness, tenderheartedness, warmheartedness… The list goes on.
And why am I thinking about it, about this word which I have no doubt is controversial for the “macho-man/woman”! It is! My own images of tenderness are of a Mother loving her Child in her arms, talking to a dog as it was a baby [haven’t we all done that?] or softening our voice towards someone who is hurting. Why can’t there be tenderness without those special circumstances? Are we too afraid to show our soft side these days within a society too mesmerized and occupied by their hand extension called a smartphone? There is this stigma which will describe a man with too much tenderness being feminine. Just as the stigma that most men do not hug each other. I do… and too often the eyes across me enlarges the size of walnuts ready to pop! It is all about feelings. Can’t we have tender feelings even towards a stranger? I do.




Anger is the other side of the coin. It is the negative path which leads to nowhere, actually without even pushing a button of this Life’s elevator it will take us down to a dark and obscure basement. Anger will gain a big nothing only hurting the mind and body from those tumultuous feelings. Too often the daily path we take takes us on an opposite direction. Definitely an annoying and unwelcomed one, the one we almost feared from and at all cost always wanted to avoid. So it happens some days… we are Human as also the ones we, let’s face it, depend on for a signature maybe, an authorization, an appointment  we would like sooner than later, a job well done. I just cannot go there even if at times an impulse of mine wants me to be sidetracked. Maybe it is a sort of a game I am now playing, an honest one I must say and insist, as I am getting older and while living here dealing with various entities especially the Medical field.




None of us, as far as the Nurses and Doctors go, are unique as much as we would like to think so. “me… me… me…”. Who cares about the man screaming from pain in the next room? We come first… what is the delay? Get over here… I see and hear your footsteps behind my closed curtain! There is suddenly a crevasse which appears and impatience mixed in with a nice dosage of anger could start building up. Could. But, we forget tenderness. We forget that the ones we depend on, the ones which in this scenario have our cure are only as us going through their own daily “I am doing the best I can” path. I like to turn the tables around and lay out regardless of the situation a kindness which does include some tenderness towards that person I am depending on for those moments. Sometimes it is hard to break down their stern outlook towards the stage they are presently on but eventually those straight perfectly parallel lined up lips will curve up and give out a smile even if just a faint one. I find myself often saying “that smile really suits you”. I don’t know who they are. I don’t know their lives. Who knows? I only know their names from their name tags. They are the only ones with their own inner knowledge. But the common denominator of showing some tenderness sure breaks down any barrier which could exist. Which does exist.




Tenderness, honesty and true kindness. It is a win win situation as much as I again insist it is not a game played to win but we all do win. My blood pressure stays low, my heartbeat continues undisturbed, the person across me has too often a sigh of relief as “I am so glad I don’t have to now deal with another xxxxxx!” and the amazing part is the fact that now “they” will get out of their way for that signature, that authorization and always remember me. I am not trying to be the nice guy! I am not trying to climb that pedestal, we are all already up there. Just a bit of effort while getting away from the brouhaha which has taken over the mainstream of Society these days. Tenderness I find is a step above kindness and it is already build into us. Some of us have never allowed it to surface as it does originally take a certain effort but it is there, so beautiful, so welcoming, so loving and… so tender.




“As nouns the difference between tenderness and kindness is that tenderness is a tendency to express warm, compassionate feelings while kindness is the state of being kind.”

I find a subtle difference between the two characters, traits, aspects, tenderness being “softer”. Kindness, regardless of what one might think, is all around us. Spirit and I have experienced it more times than I can count. Yet, not quite liking my own thought, deep down I think some people cannot have tenderness. We might be going back to the “macho-man/woman” alternative due to who knows what? maybe an aspect from childhood carried over? Macho Friends as the tease of a character generally does not just stop throughout school years but carried throughout one’s Life? I don’t know. It is the one we have all heard “Oh! You are too soft…”. A saying which in itself has no reality on someone’s nights and days. Of course we can be soft, gentle, and yet disciplined in areas of for example work, teaching Life to our children and so forth. If kindness is part of the pyramid of Life, tenderness is that last stone which would complete one’s entity and unfortunately missing at times. 


Stay well,
              Ara and Spirit [R.I.P. 04/04/2018]

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