The Phenomenon of Aging!… NM

Tuesday, May 12th, 2020

“In a world whose absurdity appears to be so impenetrable, we simply must reach a greater degree of understanding among men and women, a greater sincerity.”
~ Albert Camus ~

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I am very fortunate to have three years ago stumbled on this home set up in 1983. All is these days in bloom.

The routine! Daily! Drip coffee, laptop is open, Scott Hamilton is playing his saxophone mixed in with Andrea Motis and her sweet voice, herself mixed in with harmonious notes from her trumpet, my morning exhale into words comforting me. My long time companion. This, here, my Journal… The words it has been clothed with have been “dormant”, but here it is just waking up…

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I wanted to use the word “strangety”, but the spell check kept bouncing it back. No such word. I settled for “phenomenon”. It sounds… deep, intelligent [insert smilie here], filled with mysteries, an attention getter towards this present stage of Life! Who in their right mind would not want to be the witness of a phenomenon? Seriously! I don’t know if what follows applies to all “us” aging, I doubt it, as I am more often than not on the path of “generality”. Lets face it, this is personal, we are a myriad of individuals and there is a reason why the word “individuality” is in use. We are filled with commonalities throughout the decades of our existence, but the beauty of our Human Life is indeed this individuality. It is what moves me most. I joke that sometimes I wish it did not, as such education derived from others combined with a borderline philosophical approach can get me in deep trouble, and bombarded with thoughts I have to quickly escape.

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                                                                   It will flower soon and on die. Kind of like us… and this bird
                                                                   singing his head off will loose its perch.

I believe we are so programmed, and blatantly it shows more than ever these days, to “shove our opinions down the throat of others”. Sorry if that is a bit strong but it sounds good and makes a point. It is so obvious throughout a timeline of certain Social Media platforms. Should I say all? Such stage I have to avoid, otherwise will make me run faster than ever taking refuge in my bubble while I lock it all including the back door.

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One of those phenomenon is to “let it be”. Let “a lot be”. Younger times would have probably seen me arguing certain points. No to make someone else’s opinion change, but just because filled with youth and “cockiness” that is what we do… did. All these present times are now instead prioritized. Lets face it, I am confronted with the fact that I have much less to live than I have lived. It is a fact, unless some medical longevity cure seriously takes place. “Let it be” includes always as also towards other aspects which I might elaborate [or not!] the serious thought “is it worth my time and effort?”. “Time” comes into play as the main ingredient. It is the headline, the title on these days, the marquis in bright neon lights. There is no “more important” medium than time as “no time?”, well, some day, yes, there will be no time. We will be then absent. These are the days I savor time. I take it all in and why should I misconstruct such luxury finally deserved [do I?…].

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Applied to all which comes my way, follows me or faces me, there is a sentiment of selfishness. Yet, I am also often told that it is not selfishness. Self preservation is more like it. One of my favorite saying I often repeat when faced with a foreign element trying to infiltrate my life is “I am done”. As always kind of laugh afterwards. Done! Finished! Adios… It is all for me now. The curtain has dropped! There is no encore. Don’t be coming into my space and turning my furniture upside down. I will not let you. Remember? Even my back door is locked. Only my Friends have that pass and are welcome. Mentally, physically.

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The present paradox has such strong defense mechanism as it must be. There is too much of the traces of downgrading opinions flying around with harm to too many who do not have such a defensive array in place. “That” is I feel selfishness. Those “screen warriors” which have graduated from the “Kook University”… Steering others to what might be into a dangerous zone as these days the word danger has become so prevalent.

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I am fortunate to have the presence of good Friends. I call them “good people”. I like that expression as I feel it covers it all. I have always proclaimed that they are my Life’s savings! They know where my entrance door key is. They don’t even have to use the back door. I don’t take my Friends lightly. I care, I listen, I use the word “could” instead of “should” as respect is always the deep relationship foundation. As a matter of facts, any relationship. That phenomenon has deepened with age. I sometimes ask them “well, how old are you now?” and I am always surprised to hear the number they give me, not thinking quite right away that my own number has been accredited with not so complex additions. Of course. The progression is mutual. We share our thoughts and interestingly enough, also “of course”, they are at times on the same path and sometimes not, which makes me think about the validity of my own. I am always open to suggestions. My motto has always been “as long as there is no mental or physical harm, I will listen”.

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As freedom is only a misconception graded by “how much of it do I really have of?”, these days I am passing with honors. The limitations are downgraded only by finances and physical abilities which those themselves hinders the path. I see finances only as a commodity of the life we wander on. We all know it will not provide a happiness sought, yet, I cannot lie to myself that it would greatly help. That is just a fact. The physical abilities? Well, was our body designed to live this long while we go back a few centuries to discover that life expectancy was only in the forties? Were they designed to take all the abuse they go through for some of us, I say smiling, “daredevils”? [not really!!!]. That is the most blatant phenomenon. The one that holds back so much, welcoming such routines as this morning described above, until all cylinders start running in harmony. About an hour!!!

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My phone conversation’s core and trajectory of subjects, as I am more a “phone person” versus “emails”, never cease to somehow stun me. I often will say “if you had told me 10 years ago this is what we would be talking about, I would have replied that you are nuts!”. Our ailments! We compare pain! medications, upcoming and past procedures, our Doctors personalities and conceptions of their possible cures. We compare how long it takes us in the morning to get rolling. How long it takes before even having the ability to leave the house. When do we start going downhill in the evening? Crazy… right? Food intake which in the past was acceptable and today a hurdle. Diets, weight losses and gains. It is all part of this phenomenon and the consequences are of outmost importance as they dictate our present activities, our present freedom.

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      Behind all this bamboo, in the shade is the coolest place to sit these days with a breeze going.

A funny fact as it now still sits on my kitchen counter… a, I would call it, “huge” pill box! I had always rejected that “thing”. It started years ago on the road thinking that it was time to get the smallest one possible as to stop fumbling with the then couple bottles twice a day. It eventually ran out of room. So, lets get one a bit bigger, you know [or hopefully not!], one which has a cover for each day. How cool is that? I did. The time has come, it is too small. I have now graduated to this suitcase which again has a cover for each day but with one more level of little boxes for morning, noon and evening. It still sits empty as it has not yet gained the right to enter my Life only staring at me and mocking me. So I am on “level three” in the pill box category.

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One more color!

Always keep in mind, it could be much worse as it is for so many.
Having given up much, I still daily feel fortunate to be who I am, to have the ability to more or less do what I need to do.

On with the day… I am free, so I think… alone but never bored.

Stay well… Stay safe…

Ara and Spirit [R.I.P. 04~04~2018]

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