Confusion… NM

Saturday, March 31st, 2018

“Nobody can fully understand the meaning of Love unless he’s owned a Dog. A Dog can show you more honest affection with a flick of his tail than a man/woman can gather through a Lifetime of handshakes”
~ Gene Hill ~

I remember eating BBQ in front of him…

There is really no other word to describe the present. It is not bad, it is not good, it just is confusing. So many changes, emotions coming and going. I still have a choice but the escape is narrowing and is that what I really did for all these past years? Escape? Maybe. I am trying to put it all together and it is taking forever to do so. I ask “what do people do when they do not camp?”. I hear answers I really don’t want to hang on to. “They get lazy and watch television…”, “They go shopping and then on microwave…”, “They watch the walls hoping like a sunset or sunrise they will change color”… but they don’t! Of course not.

Good times in Valley of the Gods, Utah.

It is that coming to terms with “things have changed”. I really did not want the changes. They happened because they had to. I am at the mercy of the weather more than ever. At the mercy also now of a dentist just when I thought the medical “stuff” was over. It is almost as a voice is welcoming me to the real Life! Gum surgery… really? Yet the worse is none of the above. It is Spirit. The word “confusion” cannot even describe what I am witnessing throughout this march of time. From when in Texas a couple months ago when his blood work showed a bad liver his demenure has worsen. He cannot hold it in the house anymore, his rear legs give up on him, he has stopped barking and feels as frele as an old timer in a nursing home. He will be going back to a local veterinarian in a couple days.

Always has been and will be my shadow.

It is not about me, it is about him. Is he in pain? He will never tell. Dogs do not complain. It is not a quality of Life I would want to endure. That is a decision for myself I have taken long time ago. But him? These are days I cannot even describe. On “pins and needles” is the expression? And what will the veterinarian say? I know that she or he will only give me the facts and again as in the past with my two previous Buddies it will have to be my decision to pull the plug or not. Unselfishly it will have to be. It is a lose lose situation with only a resemblance of a smile when thinking about all the memories we have created since a bit over twelve years ago. Such energy we both have had! I often cannot believe we did what we did. It becomes mind boggling. Will I be able to go on alone if that scenario emerged? I will have to. Have done it before, will do it again.

We have been such a perfect team!

That is truly about all I can express right now…

In full gear…

Stay well. Ara and Spirit

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15 Responses to “Confusion… NM”

  1. Don McGilvray Says:

    Ara ~ Your post breaks my heart! I have followed along through your’s and Spirit’s many adventures over the years you have been posting, and have basked in the happiness that was expressed by you during that time… I have been fortunate to have had my own furry friend at my side as I read of your happiness and adventures.

    My Husky, Chinook was 2 1/2 years old when I was fortunate to be chosen by him at the local animal shelter back in December of 2008. We have shared many good times together since, just as you and Spirit have. ‘Nook is still healthy at this point, and does love his walks, but I know as well as I’m sitting here with misty eyes thinking of you and Spirit, that the clock is ticking and one of these days in the future I will be faced with the same terrible decision to make.

    I am a cancer survivor, and as such years ago made some fundamental decisions concerning myself: Quality of Life is much more significant and important than Length of Life. I will fight the good fight as long as I can while still enjoying a fruitful existence. I know that Huskies are not a generally long-lived breed, and have been worried about the inevitable for about the past year or so…

    I have come to the conclusion that the somewhat independent nature of my buddy has shown me the clues I need to make my correct decision when the time comes. He has always been a very fastidious animal, licking and grooming himself much like a feline. He is a proud beast and I feel would suffer if he became incapacitated, incontinent and/or overly dependent.

    So while the ultimate decision is yours and yours alone to make, I’d counsel you to act sooner rather than later. The first warning came when his demeanor changed towards riding in the side hack he has loved so much for years. The loss of use of his rear legs is the second, and his incontinence is the third. He has always struck me as being a dignified animal. Let him pass with dignity, please!

    My heart aches for you.
    Don

  2. greg Says:

    I won’t presume to know what you are going through since each one of us has to travel our own path, but it’s been 16 years now, about as long as he shared his life with us, that we made the decision to release our Ghost from the pain his life had become. That was not an easy time, watching him lose more of himself every week as the palliative support became less and less effective. We still think about him a lot and it sometimes hurts, but we don’t regret the time we had with him. We still aren’t 100% successful by any means, but rather than feel the loss we focus on his time with us. All the walks and shenanigans and love and how he somehow made us better people along the way.

  3. Randy Says:

    I’m sorry Ara. I hope Spirit and Natasha are playing tog-of-war with a stick again.

  4. Charlie Says:

    Sorry to hear he is not feeling well. I know you will do what is best for him.
    Vaya Con Dios

  5. Ara & Spirit Says:

    Very well said and you are absolutely right. This is about him and not me…Thank You for your words.

  6. texascindy Says:

    All I can do is cry. I love you both immensely. Hugs, scritches and prayers for peace on both your parts. We will be seeing you soon but know that you are always in my thoughts.

  7. john Says:

    Sad to hear of Spirits condition… father time as always marches on…

  8. Doug Says:

    The only advise that I have in a time like this is three words. “You keep standing.” Even though the world around you crumbles, no matter how the rough the seas, you keep standing.

    You gave him a good life. The best. You two were lucky to find each other.

    Well done.

    Peace.

    Doug

  9. Nancy Says:

    What a wonderful life you have given Spirit. I don’t know if you remember Jack, but I feel your pain. I didn’t want him to suffer so I had promised myself that it really was all about him. I still cry when I think of what a wonderful pup he was and how much I miss him, but I have NEVER REGRETTED doing what was right for him. if you don’t read the whole piece–read the last paragraph. I’m so sorry for your loss, but Spirit will be free and at peace.

    Treat me kindly, my beloved master, for no heart in all the world is more grateful for kindness than the loving heart of me.
    Do not break my spirit with a stick, for though I should lick your hand between the blows, your patience and understanding will more quickly teach me the things you would have me do.
    Speak to me often, for your voice is the world’s sweetest music, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footstep falls upon my waiting ear.
    When it is cold and wet, please take me inside… for I am now a domesticated animal, no longer used to bitter elements… and I ask no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside the hearth… though had you no home, I would rather follow you through ice and snow than rest upon the softest pillow in the warmest home in all the land… for you are my god… and I am your devoted worshiper.
    Keep my pan filled with fresh water, for although I should not reproach you were it dry, I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst. Feed me clean food, that I may stay well, to romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side, and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my life, should your life be in danger.

    And, beloved master, should I be deprived of my health or sight, do not turn me away from you. Rather hold me gently in your arms as skilled hands grant me the merciful boon of eternal rest…and I will leave you knowing with the last breath I drew, my fate was ever safest in your hands.
    –Beth Norman Harris

  10. Curvyroads Says:

    Ara, I am so sorry to read this and my positive thoughts are with you at this awful time. You will treat him the way you would wish to be treated when the time comes…with love. ❤

  11. Doug Rykerd Says:

    Ara, I’m so sorry that you are facing another loss. I remember meeting Spirit and you in person way back at an Overland Expo in Amado,AZ. Such a great travel buddy. I recently lost my own Husky travel buddy so I understand your pain. While I miss him tremendously, I have a constant rolling film in my brain of all the great memories. I pray those memories you have stored will comfort you in these tough times.

  12. judith Says:

    You can and will do what he needs at the right time. Hard as it may be for you.

  13. Connie T. Says:

    Spirit lived a very happy and wonderful life with you. You know what you can do? Start painting. I have by watching The Art Sherpa or Ginger cook on YouTube. They tell you how. I just follow the videos and rewind and paint and watch. Before I know it 12 hours has passed. It is a learned skill and they have over 300 pictures to look thru. Ginger Cook even shows you how to paint dogs. Maybe you could paint a picture of you dear Spirit. I am so sorry for your loss.

  14. Highwaylass Says:

    Dear Ara, I am so sad to read that Spirit has gone to his long rest. I dread the day that I will have to make that choice for my heart’s companion, who faces life bravely on three legs but is getting slower and older. I will keep this post on hand and remember that my duty is to him, not to my fear of going on alone. Thoughts and blessings with you.

  15. Paul Hird Says:

    Hey Ara, hearing this news is so saddening. It was great to meet and visit with you and Spirit in Crested Butte a few years back. Having dogs my whole life and one now at 13 years old, I truly understand the loss of one of our closest companions, listeners and all around life savers. I dread that day for me will come again soon. I hope you take comfort, knowing how important your lives were to each other over the years. So sorry for your loss. Safe Travels.

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