Stepping onto the Bridge. Tx

Wednesday, December 17th, 2008

A F c

We are spending most of our days now at the “swimming hole”, another “Oasis” found close to my Heart. From where we sit there is no bridge onto the other side. While there, I hand wrote those few words about my own imaginary bridge, our day, and those are some of the photos taken.

A F f

A F n  

It is 17.8 degrees right now outside. The sun is making its way up slowly lightening up the skies, the days are back to their own unit as when the calendar popped up I realized that Christmas is only a few days away. There is no snow, just cold, not that severe actually when bundled up outside for a few minutes. There is no neon lights here or bells ringing or even for that matter anyone looking for a parking space on this empty and beautiful land we have borrowed for these times. There are no sales, no bargains, the prices here are always the same, we pay with our senses and feelings. They are I know joyful times for so many, I hope they are. I hope they are even if throughout these moments the desires of gifts throughout this Christmas tradition cannot be totally fulfilled, as long as the children can bypass this sometimes sad reality we have encountered on this material path of ours. They need to be spared, they need to continue seeing the colors brightly lit with no shadows or even threats to their well being. These are times, we adults, must take care of “all that stuff”. And yet as innocent as they are, there is not even within the shiniest wrapped package the gift of Love that can be unwrapped by human hands. Love should not wait for Christmas or a Birthday, it should be in the air weighted down to their shorter heights for them to breathe it so constantly. They need to be filled and refilled, they need to feel as one within the sentiments we should never stop exchanging with them.

A F j 

A F l  

A hug and a kiss, a gentle hand on their delicate hair, a smile and a laugh, brightly lit eyes wrapping them with warmth, words of Love and affection, so much they deserve as yet their path has not been carved and so much of their unknown future is still at stake. I came across my bridge today, it used to be a bridge with no tolls, it was a bridge so easily crossed in years passed. No matter where we met, on this side or the other, in the middle or on the right or on the left, arms open for our embrace, fingers ready for their familiar touch of skin and hair to experience the magic of genes passed on, today the bridge was up, its waters from under are torrential, I cannot cross it, I cannot even take a glance of the other side, memories of my mind have replaced the reality of my past vision seeing Lance. And yet I know that he is there, his presence is within that tall tower we ourselves have not visited yet. I know as I feel it. I only wish the bridge would come down just for a moment, I would not tell anyone of this miracle wish if it ever happened as I do for every second that I myself live.

A F h  
A F k  

I don’t know how to feel lately. I keep saying how bitter sweet this Journey is, but I am not bitter which is a facet I know “ugly”. “I miss you and I miss you…” as I could fill the pages with those words and shouted over and over into this horizon of ours until no voice is left in me. I have reached so many times without a grasp that my arms sometimes have no strength left and I could just curl up waiting for that miracle to happen thinking maybe, just maybe the bridge will come down. The coin keeps flipping and spinning over and over. As night and day it has its two faces and sometimes the shadows obstruct its shiny and brightly lit one. “Sweet” is the welcoming face, the one filled with Friends, the one where “Mother Nature” resides with its beauty and grandiose messages trying to make me understand to accept my faith for the short time I am here within these centuries past and future.

A F i

A F d  

The “sweet” face of the coin makes me feel safe, it gives so much to me always leaving me feeling as to what can “I” give in return? just as my Friends that have so much supported me and extended their own arms. How can one including myself turn their back to such richness my path is filled with? And again, I just don’t know how to feel lately as so often both sides of the coin have blended in emanating joy and at the same time sadness for my inability to share it all with Lance. How can this be? I keep thinking… Has he truly sacrificed himself to show me the path I am on today, a path that did not remotely exists just a few years back. A path that was only just a dream as I know it is with so many but cannot leave their present Life behind and embrace this day to day presence on the road as this is, for myself, the only way to fully experience our stage.

A F g

What is time but a Human marker that maybe is needed to keep us from going astray, to maybe keep a certain sense of dimension throughout those tasks imposed upon us. And why is it that some “times” as these days the heart opens its ways for us to feel so much more than other “times”? There is only one Christmas Day, there is only one Birthday per year, their immensity and own space suddenly becomes so vast that their moments lingers interminable for me remembering in years past how in opposite direction so quickly they passed, as I wished “then” their length of time would be as of today’s! How confusing all this can be… how much I wished a coin would have three sides for me to enable myself grasping the balancing act of Life with a bit more ease. But it is not so… Every moment is “now”. Shiny or dull it is with no choice of mine to only borrow my strength from the good times as I step on this bridge too steep to climb up unable to jump over its other side.

A F e

Lonely however this bridge is not. My words on these pages have brought forward so many traveling within the same direction on the path of this destiny. The World is filled with so many having lost so many more dear ones, close ones, children, husbands, wives… Family and Friends. We all grieve our own way, we reach for each other in words and embraces we “need”, we all laugh and cry all at the same time, we all have in our pocket this coin we all share as we try so hard to keep its shiny side up. It is never the wish of the missing ones for us to give up, so we go on the best we can and hopefully never forgetting to embrace, Love, and cherish the “present” ones around us “now”, the present Children, Family and Friends that keep us going when that coin at times flips to the dull side.

A F m  

This is to “Thank” and more everyone that is here today, that has reached, that has embraced the present and helped in so many more ways they can imagine as without the “shiny’ side up I would never reflect the sunshine present throughout our days. This is to “Thank” and more everyone that is “not” here today as we also live for you, as you fill us with no end of the memories you have given us in past times.

spirit a

“Happy Holidays”… Love your neighbor… your Friends… your Family… an extra hug from us!   


Till next time…

Help us keep the site alive. Please contribute… I use to ask if reading this site was worth 1$ a month. I do again. This site has been far from being a free Journal for us as it was at one time!

Two years of Photography is finally in order on SmugMug… In “Your Favorites”, in “States”, some labeled “first year” and second year”, now also “Texas the third year”. Feel free to browse, you can even use the slide show mode and have fun.

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Be well, always.   Ara & Spirit

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9 Responses to “Stepping onto the Bridge. Tx”

  1. Colorado Kid Says:

    Ara, Having lost several close family members (sister, brother, parents), I can attest to the wonderful healing that being in the natural world provides. Your photos are, as usual, amazing and really capture the beauty around you. Your words are, as usual, inspiring and moving and bring us close together, even though we’ve never met.

  2. Zelda Says:

    Hi, Ara & Spirit, Your nature pictures are spectacular as always. We are snowbound now here in Iowa with temperatures not reaching freezing during the day, and hovering in the single digits above and below zero. But I digress with the weather report. It’s great to see your picture in your post occasionally! You understand and remind us of the human need to see the face of a friend, a family member, a friendly and kind encounter in a new place. Thank you for sharing both sunshine and clouds, whatever your day brings.

  3. Bobby Says:

    Hello Ara , I am once again in awe of what you are providing in the awareness you bring to all . Long time no hear from me has been a result of Gustav and Ike . both dreaded storms affecting many in the area . I personally did not endure as much like others or as we did with Rita . The message is of gratitude to you is in my own healing that you have helped to provide . The assessment of the life we now live is very true . The rose colored glasses come off and the very important things in life are different in nature than before . It is my intention to travel to Big Bend soon . I was hoping for the week after Christmas . It is my Christmas wish for this to happen and the chance to meet you , Spirit and visit the Oasis you have cultivated . Best Wishes and hope that we meet soon . Bobby

  4. admin Says:

    Posted by Rob. on the “Pashnit” Forum.


    The patterns in the above picture of the rock looks like foot prints of persons past, marching on. Indelible. We all must march on. If for no other reason than to just keep the memories alive of those who have walked before us and are watching our footsteps from above.
    I will say a special prayer for you, and for all who have had to go through the same experience. There is a close member of my extended family that suffered a loss such as yours due to an industrial accident. The victim was my son-in-law and like another son to me. His father is a good friend of mine. My daughter was a widow at the age of 25. My grandson lost his father at the age of four. We will never forget, and we will always cherish the memories of the good times when he was with us and try to make him proud and live up to the expectations he would have of us. We will do the best we can and go on with our lifes journeys because we know that is what he would want us to do. We all must leave our footprints for others to follow in the right direction for as long as we can. Someday our bridge will be lowered for each of us to cross when he thinks it is time for us to come across and meet the ones on the other side.
    That won’t happen until we have completed our assigned journey.

    I don’t know if it was even appropriate to respond to your latest comments in your blog since they seem to convey some deep personal feelings that you just wanted to share.
    I guess I just wanted you to know that you are in my families thoughts and prayers and wish you well and in some small way offer some support even though I am not very good at putting things in writing. Keep spinning the coin. Sunshine and faith can even make the dull side look brighter if at times the coin lands that way.

  5. Ginny Says:

    Beautiful writing and pictures as always Ara. I especially like that picture of you! It’s a good one. 🙂
    I think about you and spirit all the time.

  6. James Myrick ( Texas ) Says:

    Merry Christmas, Ara & Spirit and may those memories warm our days for ever more ……. Peace and Goodwill

  7. karen Says:

    Ara don’t you see… I know you feel it but you may not see it… Lance has been given back to you in Spirit, your most faithful friend and companion. One who loves you unconditionally, will be with you for all his days. Your son has found another way to show you how much he loves you through Spirit. You are so lucky Ara… you put love out there and it comes back to you. You are truly blessed. Much to love to you and Spirit…. your friend Karen

  8. Victor Alvarado (TEXAS) Says:

    I don’t know how it feels to loose a son. I have twin boys 12y old but I feel your pain and miss him for you. This is what came to mind when I read your last entry…

    Once a very old angel flew by and saw a beautiful soul trapped in a path of self destruction. The angel looks down and takes pity on the man and pondered what he can possibly do for him. When he took a glance at his future he saw death, not only physical but spiritual. This was something he couldn’t allow, for the beauty of a man’s life is defined by how much of that inner beauty is allowed to surface and this man was drowning in his own conformity. Life is not what you should but what you must… and saving this man’s soul, for the old Angel, was a must. He looks up at his FATHER and asked: FATHER can I FALL this one time, FALL into his arms and make him understand, make him see, open his eyes to all and everything. Son, the FATHER said, in order for you to save this man you will have to leave me with this unbearable void. And the son replied: this is the sacrifice that you must make, so this man can find the path of enlightenment and salvation. In this sacrifice you will learn about my love for you and others. In the end I will come back to you as I always do. I know, said the FATHER, but in order for you to come back to me, won’t the man will have to make the same sacrifice? Yes FATHER and in that sacrifice is where he will find salvation. How about his “unbearable void”? I will return to him as I have to you and in that reunion he will find his answers but first he must fulfill his destiny…LIVE FOR THOSE THAT CAN’T , SEE FOR THOSE THAT ARE TRAPPED AND SET AN OASIS FOR OUR SOULS…

    He lives in the hearts of all that share this oasis….Thank You!!!

  9. Allen Says:

    Merry Christmas my friend, you are in our thoughts and prayers.


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