In lieu of Words. BMW~Rolls Royce Museum. Munich. Germany
Tuesday, April 23rd, 2013Paragraphs of Daily Thoughts and much Mental Therapy. Published Weekly or so.
"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief…and unspeakable love."
~ Washington Irving ~
I am trying to keep it… light. I don’t know if that is the right word. Maybe "riding the wave" is a better expression, without swallowing too much water as to not drown myself. I have had to change my momentum. Monday through Friday are Business days without wasting a minute while moving along through the masses of paperwork and knocking myself not so softly against much red tape. I have a watch and a calendar these days. Checkmarks. Time to keep. Steps of different colors, up. Courage, strength and so much support from you all that carries me throughout these moments. ‘Thank You’.
It is a bit of cold exchanges. I don’t think even the departed is left in Peace and it also is truly appalling me. One kind word followed by a thousand ill fitting ones. The laws, the rules, the insurances not covering this or that. All show their ugly heads. Yet, I have been through it before. I should not be surprised. I try one day at the time to get closer to accomplishing a single task: for my Mother to truly rest in Peace. Maybe it is my dignity that is suddenly taken away as hers is also. I cannot put my finger on it. It is staring me in the face through right down to my Heart. Have the Dead become just another commodity for greed? I feel as such, the “Business World” has become the fonts of this present chapter before I return to the promising empty spaces.
Saturday again has come around and I need to escape these walls. The skies have been of this constant gray and the rains have not stopped. It is a day for a Museum as I fumble with subway and trolley maps. What I truly want to write is tumultuous and maybe a bit too vibrant for these present times. I decided the photos will speak for themselves till I sort it all out as I have one more week here before returning for a big hug with my Buddy Spirit. This too we shall overcome. It is another choice Life has taken for us.
~ Perhaps they are not stars , but holes in the heavens allowing our loved ones to smile down on us
letting us know they are happy ~
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The Museum is very well worthy of a visit with it’s new wing. It was a good decision getting a bit lost with a camera in hand.
Stay well,
Ara and an awaiting Spirit
April 23rd, 2013 at 6:23 am
Ara, I’m glad you found a place in which you could get lost for awhile. Beautiful works of art those machines are. You captured the beauty in them all. On the other hand, sorry you are still struggling through the mounds of red tape that’s piled up in the way of your getting things taken care of. Hopefully you will soon be able to get it all untangled. Hugs….
April 23rd, 2013 at 6:33 am
What a beautiful diversion!!! Thanks for taking us to R. R. with you.
Keep a stiff upper lip, friend.
Mark and Bobbie in Lovely Ouray Colorado…By the way, It’s snowing here if that helps at all :((
Box Canyon Mark
April 23rd, 2013 at 8:22 am
Ara, it saddens me to hear of one losing a loved one. These are hard times for loss. It seems when the world is falling upon us, to lose something as precious as the holy and beautiful feminine, mother, creator, dearest love…is heartbreaking. I used to cry as a small child at the mere thought of losing my mother. I comforted myself (as did my mother) that she was not gone, not lost. Right here. Always.
I thought that when the event occured I would be ready. I would be an “adult.” We are never ready. We are never prepared.
She would know that she departed this world with a son insightful and poetic, a son that loved her…a son that exalted her, and carries her onward in his heart~
April 23rd, 2013 at 9:01 am
i’m sorry for your loss Ara. you have gained another angel in a far better place…
April 23rd, 2013 at 9:03 am
Can’t wait to see your reunion with Spirit. He will soothe your soul.
April 23rd, 2013 at 9:38 am
While those in the ‘business of death’ seem to strive to make it into a commodity during the most vulnerable time for those left to grieve, they can never take the sacredness of it away if you don’t let them. The only part of this personal ritual that is real are the feelings in your heart and soul and the love you share that transcends all else and, as you well know, only magnifies. You’re in the thick of the hardest part, Ara, a place you’ve been before but you know in your heart this will pass and all that will take it’s place will be love and light in this life and the next. You’ve been given a very unique path to walk and you do it with such soul, spreading more light than you know. There is no doubt that you, like most, struggle to attain your peace but that struggle is never without reward when undertaken sincerely – as you do. The pesky details are not weighing your mother down as she is above worrying about the nitpicking now. I hate that cliche ‘they are in a better place now’, i really do but I have yet to find a way to articulate it better. No doubt that you’ve found that still quiet place within you that faith (whatever your beliefs may be) lives and it will hold you up through what is to come as it has served you well so far. You will get through this by putting one foot in front of the other because you don’t have any choice and because that is what your Mother expects and deserves from you and that is the man you have proven to be. I wish you grace and every good thing there is through this journey Ara and that you may receive even a portion of all that you have given without even knowing it.
April 23rd, 2013 at 10:45 am
Ara ~ My good thoughts continue to be with you during this trying time in your life. I agree with your feelings that the unfortunate factor of greed has been interjected into this most private of emotional times for survivors. I have very strong personal feelings about the “upselling of services” that takes place (at least here in the United States) when the funeral director attempts to “shame” you into purchasing more that either you as the survivor, or your loved one actually wants/needs. I had it happen to me with my father, but fortunately he had left a detailed will which included a pre-paid contract with the Neptune Society for cremation. Even then, I had outside pressure from the funeral director to “upgrade” to a fancy urn, etc. which my dad specifically did NOT want. It is a brutal emotional time, and you as the survivor are made to feel like prey in many instances…
Be strong, and be true to your Mother’s wishes. It will soon be over and you will be back home with Spirit!
God Bless,
Don
April 23rd, 2013 at 4:03 pm
Ara, Hebrew proverb – “Say not in grief, she is no more, but live in thankfulness that she was!” You will forever have the memories you made and shared with your mother and when you recall them you will never be alone. Lean on your friends for strength at this time and know how very much you and Spirit are cared about. Van Gogh felt that love is eternal, the aspect may change, but not the essence! She will always live in your heart….Dee
April 25th, 2013 at 9:59 am
a quote that I can share… ” Grieve not, nor speak of me with tears, but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you. I loved you so… ’twas heaven here with you.”
Spirits ears prick up often I’m sure, listening for your footsteps, and awaiting the sight of you. Be well Ara, and thank you for sharing from your soul. Would love to see the reunion 🙂
April 27th, 2013 at 9:27 am
Ara,
No need to moderate this out to be visible on your blog. It’s just for you.
I know there’s nothing to be said to ease the difficulties you’re going through. So I thought I’d send you a small distraction: photos from Big Bend.
You can find them at http://www.limestonecreekphotography.com/blog
Hope this brings you a momentary smile.
You and Spirit be well,
Mike
May 2nd, 2013 at 8:02 am
Ara, I lost my father to heart attack on January 11th. I lost my mother to cancer in 2004. I lost my older brother & sister-in-law in a plane crash, 1992. My heart aches & breaks every day and I too feel so alone even though I am in the midst of loving friends & family every day. I know exactly where you are coming from and I, like you, have no idea where I am going. I have a 4 yr old golden and yesterday adopted a rescue golden who is 12. She lost her “pack” on January 11th when she was given up. I know the love and bond that grows when we desperately need a “best friend” who knows us and loves us unconditionally and in spite of who we are and one that can help ease a broken heart and a beat up soul. Ara, through you and Spirit I can dream and I can cry and I can find strength…..it is a hard road we travel, you drive!