At “war” with myself. TX [Chicken with cracked Wheat]

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

“You see things; and you say ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were; and I say ‘Why not?” ~ George Bernard Shaw

Old Faithful  

Soon, new roads will unravel ahead of us. They do now, but not distant enough, they are too familiar and yet I know they change daily, one of my other inner battles for Adventure. No, as I read from others, we are not going to Terra Del Fuego or riding Siberia or Africa. We will be in our own giant and spacious backyard, and for most here, also “your backyard”. It is the one in search of discoveries, the one most of us can get to without jumping through hoops or going totally broke. I am at war with myself because my Friends notice and write to me when I am “lighter”… “happy”… as, so hard for me to think and say, “I should be”. Guilt, the “guilt”, always, door after door I go through and that word slams me shut. Sometimes however a bit of daylight comes through. Yes, the simple fact of having guilt for being alive because of my Son not being. It is really as simple as that. These past days while at “The Chinati Hot Springs” I mentally rebelled against it all. I love my Son, I miss him every moment I am here, but I strongly revolted against myself. Yes, always bonding with Mother Nature and yet, seemingly a shadow has always been a veil thrown on various moments. I know I tried before, six years later this becomes old news I write to myself as I also “tell” myself “you have to try harder”. And I will.

Sunset at The Oasis  

The plush carpets of the multicolor fibers of the coming moments are always here present, I see their vivaciousness, I feel their vibrancy blending in with mine. They are always currant regardless of the season even if at times harsh to conquer upon their surfaces. Suddenly these three weeks or so remaining here seem to me such a short time even though we arrived months ago and still a few things remain to be done before we again heading on North, or will it be West? Wherever the moments appeal will be. For some reason we cannot go East yet. Maybe too many years spend within those regions as even though it’s spark is lit in me, I think we will reserve that path for the following year.

Old Faithful the Mule  

We have some strong winds again in the forecast for the coming days. I have not unpacked yet and today I am taking advantage of some cool weather to move the fire and cooking wood we have into the “Big Green”. The eye sore! At least it is green and says Evergreen I keep telling myself. Someday as someone gave me the idea, if I ever find some earth tone and a bit of green paint on sale I will start painting it to blend in the surroundings. Or does it really matter? I finally used “Old Faithful” and the little green wagon to move the wood, we went as fast as 15 miles per hour. And yes, that was fun I have to admit.


I keep looking at the weather forecast as right now through an early thick fog the sun rose and all is dead calm. It is humid, I smell the moisture, the ground is wet and pungent, and all is dead calm. Slowly the winds will pick up and will last unleashed for a few days they say. It is however not cold and it will not get under my skin as previously happened. I have much to do indoor right now, mainly going over the corrections of the final Script for “The Oasis of my Soul”. It is as another Chapter has entered our Life on the road. I am so in tune with it and yet so detached as to it’s outcome will be in the sense as for lack of better term “riding the wave”.

Old Faithful  

Over three years into two hours or so. The steps taken one by one till the present on this endless staircase here and now in continuous harmony, the inner battles never won but always signed away with their own Peace Treaties, the roads ridden, the new Friends met, the landscapes from stills to moving reels, this vehicle I call “Old Faithful” rolling away mile after mile, my buddy Spirit never ever taking a step backwards every mile of the way teaching me how one can live for the “now” and shedding the many layers a past Life had adorned me. The “hope” many can have as the ones wearing the same shoes with lost relatives leaving us too early on their own Journey away from these moments we still thread on. Other travelers inspiring me as we all have our own “reason” for being on the road, their own battle with the elements, their inner minds never quitting the path laid in front of them, a path the same but for each of us so different.

Chinati Hot Springs porch
Chinati Hot Springs Chinati Hot Springs
Chinati Hot Springs  

More photos from our stay at “The Chinati Hot Springs”

Yes, it feels good I have to say to maybe someday see the title of this Journal on the big screen, to see the big letters “Dedicated to Lance Gureghian” pass by and hang there for a few seconds, let the World know about my young man’s own Life and his creation through me of the days past, present and future. I will be getting a kick out of seeing Spirit wearing his goggles and helmet riding down the roads, the paved ones and the dirt ones we have taken! There is just so much as I can understand now what has been the attraction from Paul and Ludwig, the talented Movie makers, to pull together as they always do and grind into this project of ours as “we are” all in this together.

Chicken with cracked wheat Chicken with cracked wheat

I cooked this one night in the kitchen of the Hot Springs. Sautéed some boneless and skinless cut up chicken in olive oil with garlic till nicely browned. Added one cup of “cracked wheat”. Us “Armenians” call it also “Bulgur” [boulghour]. Added one cup of water, the eternal can of Rotel non drained, the one with lime and cilantro, the juice of one lemon and more chopped up cilantro. Stir, cover and simmer till done. One can also use a cup or rice, add more spices, vegetables… the kitchen sink!

Chicken with cracked wheat  

A couple nights ago, the Sunset was just one of those incredible one that took my breath and more away. I try not to take Sunsets photos anymore, I concluded that I must have at least over a couple thousands of them, maybe more. The colors I know for a fact where quite different then past nights because of the smoke due to the fires even if over a hundred miles away. Yet, the delicate clouds as each framed by the blues skies dimming where hanging as within this giant gallery I claim to have a front row seat. I cannot help posting a few…

Sunset at The Oasis  

I have called this one “half and half”

Sunset at The Oasis  
Sunset at The Oasis  

Same Sunset, all minutes apart, each frame in the sky a different Masterpiece.

Till next time, you be well, always, it is our best choice.

Ara & Spirit

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2 Responses to “At “war” with myself. TX [Chicken with cracked Wheat]”

  1. Mike W Says:

    Just wanted to say thanks for the pineapple chicken recipe from a few days back; I cooked that one last night and it was very good. We’ll be giving this one a try before long.

    I’d hoped to have a chance to cross paths with you in the next few weeks. Not so much for my sake but Molly (black Lab) really wants to meet Spirit. She’s been pestering me to get her some Doggles. 😉 But we won’t get there ’till the end of the month and it sounds like y’all will be gone. Maybe another time.

    Take care,

  2. Michael and Louise Says:

    Ditto on the road anxiety Ara, this west Texas winter has been cold, windy and wet! These 6 weeks here have flown by and can hardly believe we ONLY have 3 weeks left here in Ozona before we hit the road for another year. We are feeling rushed to get all the maintenance and things done in time. Don’t know when our paths will cross again, but maybe at the Mark and Bobbies Summer Celebration in Ouray, CO? Have you committed yet? We will be at the Star Trek convention in Vegas the first week of August, so the celebration looks like a go for us. Many plans this year for us, mainly in Nevada, Oregon, and California. I bought a new 22, fishing gear, and plan on having more fun than a grown man should. We should get together in one of my remote spots for a week or so. Don’t know what your plans are other than Chandler Arizona in April. Louise wants to see Roswell, NM, so we are heading almost due north from here the first week of April. Then on to Canyon De Chelley, Paranaghat NWR, Ely, Ruby Mtns, Elko, Bruneau River, Owyhee river, Three Forks, Farewell Bend, Vale OR, Donner Blitzen River and few special places near Fallon in April, May and June You going to be anywhere close? PM me if it sounds like we can meet up.
    Michael and Louise

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