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One last painful ride before surgeries but much needed...

On a warm Desert winter day evening the man sat on the rock by his fire ring not yet lit as the sun still bright was heating him up. A smoothed out solid rock. One polished from its own tumblings over the past millions of years supporting him while himself frêle as his own years, so few compared, had more than given him the wrinkles of Life. His head between his knees the tears flowed on his makeshift seat bringing out the colors of the rock unlike the colors of his own Life dulled that day by comparaison. He was grieving. He had been grieving for the past twelve years and that day was “the day”, the passing away Anniversary of his only Child, his Son. Lance. What a sweet and powerful name all at the same time. He loved his Son more than anyone else in his Life. He looked at his Son throughout his twenty six years of living always as it was magic to conceive such another Human Being part of his own flesh and blood. Magic. A Son who seemed to always have an aura around him with more kindness, patience and common sense than he ever had.

The man never quit living, yet that living was never even for one instant the same as before. Before that day 12 years ago. Daily battles with himself, with his surroundings while questioning this now Life never appeased him, only left him empty as the answers and the victories were never present. His acceptance was strong at times and at other times so weak that the rock itself felt of some purpose supporting him. He thought about it often. Some day he will be gone but the rock will stay behind. Some day… He often saw himself in a Heaven of his own description. A blue sky, constant, and a blue shiny ground also constant. Everyone he had lost, family and friends, all were up there in a Heaven he thought so strongly being real.

Everyone was as it should have been on Earth. Equals with no crime, no malice, no dishonesty, no lies, no self gratification. Equals with always a smile and a hug. He knew that some day that is where he would end up and once again see his Son and feel his own hugs and laughter. He just did not know when. Was Earth the test of a Life before the real Life? There was no harm thinking as such and through his tears at times it made him smile. It could be real. It could be real because the thought was already planted in his mind. Why else would it be? It could not be a silly fantasy. His present world stopped spinning twelve years ago but nothing else came to a halt. Time ended up being his cure while he slowly merged into the gigantic human Highway he had left and yet he always almost most of the time stayed on the frontage roads.

His loss made him see too well the reality of his own surroundings which was at one time his normal Life. He lost the understanding of why someone would want to be famous and important when they were not. He did not understand how family members would at time hate each other. He would not understand the lack of respect most had towards each other even if that lack was hidden and a resemblance of smiles were worn. He had stopped understanding a lot and had given up trying, only finding comfort throughout his own space in his Desert sitting on his rock.

As darkness descended upon him the fire lit gave him some added warmth and lifting his head he watched the flames dance, the happy flames. One star, two stars, more. Even the Moon on that evening joined him. Him and his dog. The only faithful companion remaining those past years. A dog that tried to teach him his own version of Life which only amounted to living the moment. But the man was human and with being human came so many downfalls. Those endless battles. His dog never gave up. He was the only one that remained to his side since that day they left together towards the unknown hoping to find the known.

Morning came while he had slipped into the ground from his rock and his dog having kept him warm throughout the night. The moon and the stars were long gone as the first rays of a new day, a new year, came through his eyelids which slowly opened up. He looked a few feet away and his son was still in the ground. Then again he thought, maybe not? Was he ready for another year?

My Buddy, always.

Stay well, Ara and Spirit