Point of impact… NM

Friday, August 31st, 2018

A well received gift from years back.

“As I live out my Life, I would be wise to remember that the size of my shoe does not dictate the depth of my print”

~ Craig D. Lounsbrough ~

Old Faithful’s plate finally expired.

I have often heard from many how they feel when returning home after a couple weeks vacation, sometimes just a weekend gateway. Maybe even more if fortunate enough to take a month or two off. They are not “present” coming back into the environment they call home. Physically they are, but yet with a touch of “zombie illness” while their mind is still lingering on the peaks of their past and short journey. Quite often their photography is the proof of it as they spend their evenings browsing through them with “Oh’s” and “Ah’s”, children looking up over their shoulders sounding as a background musical entity. Now, imagine if that vacation was 12 years long, imagine if you had spent over 4000 nights under the stars and the one gygabite worth of photos had crawled under your skin and blended with your mind taking up as much room as it could turning your present reality into shock not letting you apply yourself towards your day in and day out responsibilities we encounter, the ones we have to as a must take care off if we want our lives to move on forward towards the next vacation.

Spreading over five counties, the Forest starts just a few miles from here.

That is where I still am after 14 months in Alamogordo! Yet, I have to remind myself daily how fortunate I am considering how much suddenly [?] the body needs “fixing” to have a home and even a car all close to medical care, food stores and a ray of sunshine in my days while able to wander the forest roads just a few miles from here. I chip at the present one day at the time as my daily prescription called “hope” keeps me going. And all is okay because it has to be. Negativity never enters my mind. This is one’s Life evolution moving on forward regardless of the changes happening. What would be the alternative? As I often described… sit in a corner staring at the walls and crying my eyes out? Pounding the floor with my fists? It would only hurt more! How ironic that they are the the exact same thoughts I had after Lance passed away and Spirit and I took off sometimes feeling like two fools not even knowing where we were going! But at least we were going and more importantly “we went” forward, not backwards. I don’t like the “reverse” gear in Life. I actually think mine is broken.

Hundreds of free off the grid campsites are all North, East and South of us.

With well maintained County roads rarely needing four wheel drive.

It is the little things which still amaze me and don’t take for granted. The little things I have purchased and when taking them out of the box at home thinking out loud “Oh!oh! this has to be the point of no return…” and I do smile at the thought. My first was a red toaster. Everybody has a toaster… right? I had not for so many years. What would I do with a toaster on the road while off the grid? Months have gone by and that little fellow still amazes me while turning my slices of bread or bagels into that crispy and warm experience. This is all so silly! Isn’t it? A television!!! Seriously. It brings the world’s scenery into my living room through documentaries, unfortunately with no smells. I look at that “thing” which occupies half of my wall, or so it feels, and remember when with some help one evening it came out of the box as I took a couple steps back and felt it as a root that will never get off the ground. It was on sale! 55″ HDTV and I don’t know what other abbreviations it calls for. I do know I can immerse myself in it through the one channel I have, Netflix. Now “that” is the point of no return. A refrigerator… a washer… an oven… I know! You all have those, have had those probably for the length of your existence.

And only a few miles away is a great Pizza at the new opened “Cloudcroft Brewing Company”.

But, I am wrong as I slipped. My reverse did not engage, my neutral did. My hopes became murky as these walls seemed to turn this 750 square feet shelter into a 200 square feet one and I am being generous. It has been for me the perfect example of mind over matter. The news of my “matter” just kept getting worse. The spine surgeon discovered both screws being loose, not just one. A frontal X-Ray showed a spine in an S shape, a letter which could start a few words I will not write here! I just got back from that lovely experience of an MRI where even in the midst of all the loud whistles and bells I was luckily able to escape and mentally be somewhere else. That will be the last exhibit my Dr judge and executioner will decide upon my faith. But I do seriously know that two loose screws are not going to be tightened up with a seance of voodoo! Smart me, [I hope!] I decided to attack this hurtle through also consecutively another front, an ablation of the spine nerve ending. It all sounds like a bad episode of Star Treck hoping again it’s finality will bring on a happy ending. Some day!

Or making Sushi at home since finding AAA Sushi Grade Tuna and Salmon.

While taking care of a beautiful Orchid which was gifted not too long ago.

One might think I might be complaining. I am not. I have a new Friend on the East Coast who is in much worse shape than I am, a Friend who has also experienced human and dog losses as I have and her often concern is not herself but myself. Such an unselfish “Being” more concerned about others than her own condition which extremely humbles me. As they say, “there is always someone worse off than yourself”, a saying to never forget while sometimes one might drop head down into that tumultuous feeling of being sorry for themselves whirlpool aspect. Memories holds us up. I had the odd inner discovery the other day that I have lived many lives. Not in the number of years but in the different geographical and mental episodes, chapters. Sometimes since then I have even asked myself if it was really me? All these years with Spirit, Spirit the trooper, the pioneer of the sidecar dogs, those were quite some years I must say! They were truly achieved with a “one day at the time” mental approach. The stage then on jumps towards the 26 years I had the privilege of having a wonderful Son and while self employed exercising daily my passion for cooking as a Personal Chef for the wealthy and not so famous! So much happiness as living in the clouds was present. Again I have to pinch myself. Born and raised in France for almost three decades! Is that were I really come from? Africa, the Middle East, so much traveling by boat, hitchhiking, flying… Exposed to so many Cultures, Civilizations compartmentalized within their different and unique set of rules I learned to respect and understand each of them.

Mother Nature at work…

And as sometimes the above is a conversation with the few Friends I have, the funniest question is always “what made you move to Alamogordo?”… as I reply “it was an accident”, only because I truly don’t have another answer.

What other reason would I have to make a home near by?

Stay well, Ara.

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9 Responses to “Point of impact… NM”

  1. Pam Reynolds Says:

    Thank you again, Ara, for your posts, which are still inspiration to us after 10 years following you in your travels. Yes, you led a truly extraordinary life and generously shared it with us, for which we thank you.

    Love to you and Miss Zoey,


  2. Connie T Says:

    Your heart and intuition told you to move where you did. Feelings, it felt like home, you could live there. I have moved so many times I have learned I could live anywhere. When you move into a home and make it yours it feels like home. That pizza looks so good. Now I want on. Ha.

  3. Nancy Says:

    What a great accident! The picture of the road symbolizes the path ahead for you. Freedom. Freedom from pain and freedom to move to the spaces and places that call your name. They are there waiting for you. Enjoy each moment with the same love, compassion, and elegance that has always come, from the “oasis of your soul”. You are a good person, Ara.

  4. Nicky Says:

    It’s really good to see another page in your journal appear, Ara. It makes perfect sense to me that you would be in neutral gear rather than racing towards anything new ahead for a while. No longer living on the road, losing Spirit’s companionship, and having the pain and limitations your physical problems cause all converged- to place you in a life you’ve never known before. Until we have experience in a new world we cannot be expected to choose a direction to go in without first contemplating the wisest one.

    It impresses and pleases me ever so much that you are aware of everything you have to be grateful for. Your experience has some things similar with a part of my own journey.That gratitude was a saving grace when my husband passed away. We had for years been what I called reaching for stars we wanted to catch. Moving from a city into a rural setting, buying a clifftop home beside a lake, and other dreams we were able to make come true were our reasons to enthusiastically forge ahead. Without him it seemed as though the stars had disappeared and I was in the dark as to what to do next… Fast forward to the present and I awake every day filled with hope and satisfaction. I trust and hope that your history of finding fascinating ways to spend your energy and talents will repeat itself.

    Have you already had the ablation of the spine nerve ending done?

  5. Ara & Spirit Says:

    Hi Nicky and Thanks for writing…
    Life goes on! Right? Cannot give it up too easily.
    I have had the first shots to localize the nerve endings that are the cause of the pain. Next will be the ablation itself. Of course all this is just a band aid to relive the pain. The real problem will be taken care off by the spine surgeon after he looks at my recent MRI of last week!!!
    I am glad you are filled with hope and satisfaction. It will make your Life a more pleasant journey while the past memories will aways be with you.
    Have a wonderful day.

  6. Ara & Spirit Says:

    Thank You Nancy… You know I am here wishing you the same always.

  7. Ara & Spirit Says:

    Hi Connie
    Life puts us on a path with always so many doors. Yes, our Heart and Intuition tells us which ones to open.
    Have a great day.

  8. Charlie Says:

    As always it was good to hear from you last week.

    It is odd the places that we land after the twists life has sent us I certainly never saw my life playing out the way it has
    Be well

  9. Ara & Spirit Says:

    It is for sure! Who would have known? Alamogordo! I do love it here…

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