Complex times… NM

January 24th, 2019

“Man [Woman] is not born to solve the problem of the universe, but to find out what he/she has to do; and to restrain himself/herself within the limits of his/her comprehension.” 
~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe ~

-1594 
      Photos of past years. Gum surgery meaning staying home!

Well, I find out that there is no one left to correspond with. Correspondence of Life, ideas bounced back and forth, in another word" “letters” which includes the effort of writing and reading. I understand. It is these days so much easier to blurb something, anything, even  the aspect of a delicious enticing cheeseburger, and lets not forget the bacon, on Facebook and the many other Social Media pages while only having to await for “likes” and those themselves will make everyone happy. What else can I say? as I continue my close relationship with this Journal, my bouncing board! Always agreeable and often misunderstood.

SUNSET D 

There is no doubt my mind wonders too much and asks too many questions while I am more than aware there will not be any answers. Some are satisfied with that concept, I rarely am. I should have these words painted on my wall “it is what it is”. It is so simple, so definite and so understandable. Is it? It is so hard for me to put my head down, accept those few words and step by step move on forward. I must have missed that last chapter in the book of Life explaining such. Or was it never published? We are all so different yet none of us are unique. There has to be a double of me somewhere out there understanding. The incoming words, meaning comments, are and have been such a help to me. I bow to their kindness and understanding. They melt my heart for the the fact that another being has taken the time and effort to try to hold me up. The greatest gifts I can ever receive I feel when I read other’s words.

TO FREDONIA C 

They admit their shoes worn are not the same as mine, of course they are not, and yet throw in words of compassion uplifting my present moments as I finally realize I have entered a new chapter of my Life. I must be slow! It has taken me 18 months to realize such. I suddenly see my Life instead of in years “in chapters”. The European birth and teenage chapter, the start and continuation of moving to the USA, the years of my profession, marriage, Lance, divorce from a wonderful woman while myself young and foolish working 10 days a week and 30 hour days [!], on the road with Spirit and finally I could call it the “finalé”… here, a home and a car and medical procedures galore… Regardless of past what I can call tragedies, I still feel that Karma has been on the flip side kind to me. I could have been right now homeless with more medical problems but I am not and that in itself is a fact to be grateful towards it all.

D

My biggest regret has been not able to stay in touch over the years with the many that have morally supported and contacted us. It is an impossible task and I can only hope they forgive me as I don’t forget them. Can one have a Friend and only talk to them once a year? Yes, it is possible because I do have such Friends and when that time arrives when we exchange words it is as exactly where we left off. There is always a mutual understanding of such situation. We are so happy when we talk and get the news of the past year realizing also, gladly that is, that we made it another year and can only hope we make it for one more. We don’t wish for many more even if deep down that is the reality of the mind but we don’t want to push our luck! “It is what it is…”, “It will be what it will be…”. That is so plain and simple as I have mentioned it before.

sunset

Life has slowed down here. My home is full. There is barely just a bit of room left for maybe one more or two photos to hang. There are no needs left and I am way over the wants. Wants can be endless and thinking about them I can only come to the conclusion that they make Life only more complicated. I had two cars at one time. I would not today even if it was free. Too much to take care of. All is back to as much simplicity as possible. I have clothing galore and even when as the other day I see a nice jacket on sale I would like to wear I ask myself why? No need for it. It is the same for everything else. I guess when I moved here I went through a “being a consumer phase” not having anything and that is now over. The wants can be endless and spending money on teeth is for sure not as attractive but more necessary than ever as that in itself is a hefty bill. Even with dental insurance.

-1168

It is so odd that one can change within the changes. I have I think that I have finally found my own lane to ride on and the exits have become rare. I am experiencing a true indoor kind of winter while looking forward to Spring and warmer temperatures. I still go up the mountains especially to visit some Friends, my only Friends in this part of the world [!] who are building a beautiful house and it is cold up there with roads covered with snow or mud when the temperatures go up a bit during the day. The sceneries are like postcards and I feel so fortunate being so close to such a paradise and yet, by the end of the day, I am so ready to… come home! What a change. As much as I am planning some camping in Utah in the Spring, I love my sofa, my own bed and my own shower which all are still the image of luxuries to me. Comfy! Must be the right time of my Life for such. If only Spirit could have still been laying at my feet…

duo balloons 

Stay well,
               Ara and Spirit [R.I.P. 04~04~2018]  

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