No more “bullshit”… NM

Sunday, May 26th, 2019

“I once got lost in a dark woods with no supplies.
Struggling to deal with nature, beasts and storms,
that was time when I lost my arrogance as human.”
~ Toba Beta ~

XXX
  My backyard and my not so distant other backyard… the mountains minutes away.

Okay, I could have used other words but that one fits so perfectly! Nonsense, Hogwash, Rubbish, Gibberish, Bull, Crap… None of those are strong enough. So I apologize [kind of!] for maybe the borderline profanity used, but needed.

Journal 1 XXX 

I have no doubt it comes with age. With the knowledge that at this stage, which I wish would have raised its curtain much earlier, as they say, written on its billboard in giant neon lights “anything goes”. I have always been very outspoken and finding pleasantly myself being as such more than ever. The innuendos have vanished, the silences not wanting to express myself towards another’s spoken thoughts are now filled with the replies of my own words. I must say that it feels better than ever. There is no more time left to try to digest anything that could interfere with my forward momentum of these present days as much as it has slowed down. I don’t ever purposely get under someone else’s skin as I do think before I enounce my words, as my awareness that “words” are powerful and cannot be taken back is very present.

J 3 XXX 

J 5 XXX

J 8 XXX

It is not a matter of “what do I got to lose”, as in reality not much anymore, but more of a matter of the significance of our present realistic life. All, as the years have passed by, have become more real than ever versus the times throughout our youth when there is no way we would have understood that concept. When young and younger, we are, we feel, we felt invincible and the thoughts have always been having centuries of Life to be lived ahead of us. Sometimes not, sometimes true, and when as such we used to have that ability to get back on our feet and propel ourselves forward again with even more speed and tenacity. Those days are long gone as I cannot help smiling at their memories. “Crazy” is the word that comes to mind. We sure did crazy things and lived to talk about it. We don’t have to talk about it these days, we plaster them on Social Media instead with the hope to receive some accolades and likes and sometimes love… One aspect of the changes within our society. Good or bad, it is what it is. Join the bandwagon or not is a personal decision.

J 15 XXX
My other backyard…

J 20 XXX

J 21 XXX

J 12 XXX

There is also a “fun” concept within all of this. Watching eyebrows rise at times, facial expressions changing from passive to astonishment as “how can you say this?” followed by moments of thoughts culminating in “yes, I will get along with that…” or not. Agreeing is not by far a must. Sometimes it is the stubbornness we witness and as we might notice our Friend’s or acquaintance’s path is on a one way street, while our own words will not change the street sign to two ways, can only nod respectfully. Applying the concept of the above title brings on however feelings at times no quite welcome. One of them being disappointment. And how to address to the person standing in front of us such aspect? As, regardless, the benefit of the doubt, the thought that maybe they will have the ability to start a new chapter while turning the present page can be realized. Through a monologue filled with honesty! A blunt rhetorical description of our own feelings trying to light up a spark for them needed to realize they did not comply with their own promises. How else can one explain that a one day job has not even been touched after three days? I always think and silently say “Hello World…”. It is as such title which once again comes out of the shadows. Reluctantly, but it does.

J 16 XXX

J 19 XXX

J 23 XXX

It is as patience has gone out of the window! That is always my own battle. It is not as “I want it now” because I truly never have the need for anything “now” and it is hard to explain. A matter of principle more likely and when I say battle, it truly is as even interfering with sleep. “Wacky” as I always think adding “what is wrong with me?”. Am I trying to find the chapter of Life called “perfection”? It has not been yet written and never will be. Trust is another one as I now live in the city of “manana”! The little red flags rise so quickly. Bragging rights are heard one too many times making me wonder and bringing up this quote “Talk is cheap, action prevails”, a quote I always followed throughout my personal and professional Life. I have said it before as I always trusted unless proof of the contrary and unfortunately trust these days itself is first demanding its own proof. The days of “a handshake is gold” I am afraid are long gone. Sadly.

J 10 XXX

J2 XXX

All and all it is “Oh! well…”. I find refuge with my Mistress “Mother Nature” who throughout all these past years has never let me down and allowed me to breath, to really breath. There is a freedom found in her company unlike any other freedom. Stormy or sunny, her arms are always welcoming and appeasing and trustworthy. It always comes to the aspect “how hard are you willing to fight for Peace and Well Being in your Life”. Hopefully not physically but mentally with an ease so many do not realize is achievable. Honesty is at the forefront while always respectful and assuming our own responsibility of our words and actions regardless of the consequences we might have to endure if we have strayed. By doing so, our reflection bouncing back will always be filled with a clear conscience and our doors will only sway for the positive to enter leaving the negative, the dishonesty and lies and games far away without even a shadow for us to perceive.

J 150 xxx
  Used to be a… sidecar.

Yes, I insist, no more “bullshit”. I like it… We own our “own Lives”. No one else does. We can use it and lay it down throughout these times with a Peaceful manner. It is healthier, no doubt.

Stay well, Ara and Spirit [R.I.P. 04~04~2018]  

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8 Responses to “No more “bullshit”… NM”

  1. Nicky Says:

    What you have written could be about someone saying they would do, arrive at, say, feel, or deliver x, y, and or z … ? I understand your not including details is likely so as not to publicly criticize an individual, so will not ask you questions. Going along with the mysterious subject of this page in your journal, I will tell you how I deal with folks whose actions do not match their words. I accept their company for what it is, no more , no less.

    We are prone, as ever hopeful beings , to expect the best in life and people, what a great trait optimism is ! Then we are disappointed when ones life has broken somehow break promises they make to us and to themselves. I doubt all but the rare truly evil individuals wake up thinking ” today I will deceive someone into believing my lies.” More probable is their wanting to be able to do what they say, and disappointing themselves at the same time they let us down. Now, to admit that, is to admit weakness and possibly begin a conversation that includes an angry reaction from us, so they don’t mention it,they try to forget it, wishing we would, too, they try to have an okay day anyway…

    A male friend and neighbor every few weeks says ” Friday let’s go out to an upscale restaurant for dinner.”, then on Friday by dinnertime is too drunk to drive…It’s nice just to be asked to go out, to know he considers me to be an attractive woman and cares for me. That’s what I mean by my accepting his company for what it is, no more no less.

    Another friend of mine is a female that calls meaning to have a pleasant conversation. Her health and life are problematic, though, so most of the time she winds up complaining a lot without even asking how I am. It’s nice that she trusts me to be supportive and helpful, when she can be , she is that way with me, too.

    Friends, family, strangers, humans and other creatures live through the good and bad times, all are broken to one degree or another after a while. A plaque I have says “…act justly, love mercy, walk humbly…”, words I try to live by, when at my best, and even when I feel my own brokenness.

    Sincerely, I am sorry you aren’t always given what you’d like to and/or expected to receive, Ara. Coping takes a lot out of us, accepting bullshit is hard, you are handling it all in the best ways that you can, and I admire that. Stay well, good man.

  2. Caddie/Carolyn Says:

    I’m thinking you must have recently encountered some “bullshit” that has set you off. It certainly happens and seems more so as days go by. I stick with myself and my animals and life goes fairly smooth. I have no patience with that moving crowd of nincompoops out there and know this is a result of my aging and frankly am feeling I’ve worn out my welcome in this here and now. Just thoughts off the top of my head at the moment. Hang on – tightly, Ara.
    Carolyn

  3. Judith Says:

    Yea for you! And such good photos you have posted! I am in love with the waterfall. Thank you. Glad you are going and seeing such things. Wonderful.

  4. Caddie/Carolyn Says:

    You are a wise human. I learn so much through you. I learned just now to not try comprehending anything when exhausted physically or mentally, which was the situation last night reading your words and commenting as I did. As always before, your thoughts come out well; whereas too often I have spoken with later regret for what I’ve said, my impatience; not so much now as when young and “unfinished” but still there is much I must learn while I still have time. Thank you for the lesson for becoming a “finely finished” product, as this is my desire in these waning days of my life.

  5. Ara & Spirit Says:

    It is a bit on this same subject… When I cannot take a decision, I just wait. Sometimes days! I think our impatience comes with age having gone, all of us, through so much we refuse to be the subject of other’s ambiguities. Practice is hard but, hopefully we do climb those steps. Stay well Caddie/Carolyn

  6. Ara & Spirit Says:

    Yes, loving it here. Nature starts a mile away… Best of both worlds. Stay well Judith.

  7. Ara & Spirit Says:

    “nincompoops”… Love it! My new word of the week!!! Reply is above.

  8. Ara & Spirit Says:

    It is a juggling act Nicky and the grand prize is a balance we hopefully find. Thank You for your comment. Stay well.

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