In retrospect… [NM]

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2022

“We pass through the present with our eyes blindfolded. We are permitted merely to sense and guess at what we are actually experiencing. Only later when the cloth is untied can we glance at the past and find out what we have experienced and what meaning it has.”
Milan Kundera
~

Maybe I should do away with the initials of my location always following the Title! That is not going to change. As previously I should add! Maybe a round trip to Colorado Springs in the Fall to visit some Dear Friends, but that will be about it. My memories are my travels these days. My travels are my memories. The reels of the past I can unravel so easily and yet never finish while getting lost in it’s blurry chapters. The little nick knacks I had brought back and stored at a Friend’s house, now 20 years ago, are here! They are from a few lives past. Quite a few. I often wonder how they have managed to adorned my present walls? I never thought they would actually while stored for that length of time and rejoining me. That day I dropped them of at me Friend’s house. I remember the phone call not long ago asking if those big Tupperware boxes were still in the barn. I heard “of course” and my Heart skipped a beat. Nothing then was going to stop me having them shipped here. Actually to El Paso were I picked them up. Too easy! All those “things” surrounded with photos of the past, some “way past” such as my Great Grand Father! A guerilla he was in Armenia when the Turks took over part of the Country in 1915 following a Genocide. It is kind of odd to look at his picture while here we are a century later... still in the same predicament. It is not politics which I do not touch with a ten foot pole but simply blatant Sociology and Philosophy of those past times and the present.

There rests everyone. Great Grand Father, Lance and my Dear always jovial Mother.

I have never dug very deep into external events surrounding me throughout my past years. Teenager in France I traveled a lot as everyone did in Europe. Countries being as States here. Grand Parents in Cairo and Uganda were my most common destinations, my early age Schooling embracing the so many different Cultures I encountered. Learning respect and more ways to live than one. Some I wish I still lived as such. By boat, airplane, hitchhiking, motorcycling! Then it was four great years of Culinary School in Switzerland while the ones following are a bit blurry until as I say “I was shipped here!” which is a long story. Not a very pretty one. Then it was Marriage, Lance my Treasure came along, lost myself in work, a divorce, more work traveling again on call for my wealthy Clients, the good years with Lance and on after his passing the years on the road with Spirit.

I wish I would remember the kind Human who painted this...

I started five years ago calling here my “four walls”! I resented this “Home” feeling trapped from the outdoors with furniture as my only obstacles. A double edge sword. Spirit passed. How could that be? Talk about emptiness!!! I very rapidly within a few months needed surgeries. Things have now changed. I do “love” my little Cabin. Comfort has set in. I am not amazed anymore taking a hot shower or flushing the toilet!!! I use to be… But, throughout all this, even though not having any commercial channels through this what I think is a giant screen, just Netflix and Amazon, I have become more vulnerable to outside News. Headlines keep popping up and while I do not read the articles, the headlines always says it all. No need for details. What an “omnishamble” it is, while I am trying to stay polite in my vocabulary! Trainwreck would also work…

A little bit of India, a little bit of Thailand. The hat does not even fit anymore! I was too young then… or too old now!!!

Even thought I “now” don’t pay much attention, I got hooked for a short while on Internet News! Fortunately I slowly started watching that stage, those stages, as being some really bad Comedy. Like “B Movies” which I love! They are so badly made and acted that all you can do is laugh. Honest laugh. Then on I asked myself why was I wasting my time? The actors sadly do not seem to having even graduated from Kindergarten! I could instead watch real Comedy. Did I care? Of course I did, while also starting to think if it was a selfish act of me to leave such behind. It is not! I call it “self preservation”. A must on the physical and mental front. It is a way of keeping sanity at all cost just as shutting the door of your Life to any negativity sipping in. I have become pretty adamant about that. Ghost agrees. That tail says it all. For sure.

From Generation to Generation they have traveled thousands of miles! How did they end up in Alamogordo?

In parallel to a physical path my mental one was always up to par with it. While now, let’s face it, the physical entity declines, the mental stage is being given a larger stage as being fueled with more idle time than before. Memories have become stronger. I can at times be there, touch and smell and feel. I enjoy those moments even if at times such memories will bring up a few tears when bouncing against that wall called “impossible” to make it once again real. I wait for time travel in my imagination while I know all about the reality! This is not a rehearsal. When the final curtain drops all the lights will go dim with only bites of a past reality left here and there for my Friends to remember me from. Maybe!!! Smile. Nothing to worry about. “One Life, One Chance”….

Stay well,
Ara and the “Ghost”!

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7 Responses to “In retrospect… [NM]”

  1. Donna McNicol Says:

    Ah, memories. I look back over the last twenty+ years and I’m amazed at what I’ve done. Life is for the living but you do get to a point where the body betrays us and memories sustain us. I’m enjoying going through my old photos and posting the ones I like to my new website (authorshutterbug.com). None are professional, in recent years they have all been taken with an iPhone. But the memories are brought to life as I go through them. This month it’s all Galapagos photos from 2015. Hang in there and savor those creature comforts. I know I am!

  2. Steve Says:

    Great post as well as the photos.

  3. dale Says:

    Always enjoy your meditations and insight. Inspires my memories also. Thanks for sharing.

    By the way Ghost is an awesome dog, the best dog I ever had was an Australian shepherd.

  4. Shawn Says:

    Always enjoy your writing.

  5. Ara & Spirit Says:

    Thank You my Friend while I also enjoy yours. Written words, so powerful, so present and not volatile as spoken ones…

  6. Ara & Spirit Says:

    Thank You Dale. Nice to see you here bringing the past to the present. Ghost is the Greatest Gift Life could have given me these days! He leaves me speechless every day.

  7. Ara & Spirit Says:

    Ah! yes. I need to find the photos of you and I meeting for the first [and only!] time. I will never forget “I don’t like BBQ”…. Quite often while I scan the images from Childhood to the present I wonder if it was really me! Aging does have it’s charms… Stay well.

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