And why not?… NM

Tuesday, December 25th, 2018

“You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

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Tularosa on Christmas Eve…

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Such an eternal question! Asked by the ones who cares mixed in with the ones that do not which I often wonder what are they doing on these personal “mine” pages? Because I am asked often why do I project my words and thoughts even if I am not too sure of their own truth and importance. I don’t think anyone is too sure, 100% positive. So yes, “why not?”. Freedom of speech I will invoke. There is more to it than you might think. I am lately seeing the aspect of caring as a gift of the moment, I have always perceived it as such, a gift these days throughout what I call my last “hoopla”, word I have used before and like. So I care for everyone and myself, because one has to first love themselves to have the ability to love others and not selfishly only wanting to be loved out of need, and so I write… Imagine yourself alone finally living in a house yet without a family and even a dog, luckily a couple Friends in town but only stared at too often maybe by this screen and lets not forget also a television screen which I can only handle in very short bursts. Luckily I only have one channel. By the way, I have switched from Netflix to HBO NOW. Is that big news? No. There is barely any maintenance to this house as also the car besides washing it at times and vacuuming it when in the mood contrary to what we use to do at The Oasis where we lived and breathed and ate  dust, a bit of raking in my gravel driveway and you know, the usual laundry to hang to dry as I refuse to have a dryer, cooking my meals which lately has not been very exciting as I am on a diet for mainly medical reasons trying to bring down naturally my cholesterol and triglyceride levels. Might as such be avoiding future bypasses and more stents even though I am trying to go for a record! But I don’t care to be mentioned in the “Guinness” book!

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This Journal is the culprit of that question “why not?”. The ramifications of its variable answers are of many and have changed over the years, yet, there is always an excuse to write and always will be. I have said it before, I have to… I know I often repeat myself. Could be a certain senility taking roots, could be that I really want to insist because you will not find many as myself as stubborn as I am, because it is my companion which by far will never replace Spirit who the poor guy had to listen to my interminable monologues, it is my therapy no pills can replace and it is quite often through comments my conversation with Friends and acquaintances who respectfully open up and lay in words of their own feelings. So many reasons which I feel fortunate facing me as I honestly enjoy this, the words, the words so powerful when paid attention to, the words I cannot take back once published. Well, I could through the wonders of this software but I much prefer to edit what I write at least ten times and unless a major grammar error which happens often, it is “it” once clicked on that publish icon. 

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So here we are. Far away from the start on November 6th 2006 with now almost 1000 entries, a written book [Freedom On Both Ends of the Leash"] and an [expensive!!!] photo book [Hues of my Vision]. I should really write another book! The contents are staring at me. It is trust me a very very long process. I had an idea which was a semi historical fiction but a Friend of mine told me they would throw me in jail if I wrote it… and he is right! An odd idea with the main character which I cannot tell you who being the greatest and wealthiest CEO the World has ever experienced these last 2000 plus years. Will leave it at that. Yes, here we are as almost being on the other side of the coin which started it all. If you would have told me just a few years ago that I would love my home and my car I would have probably, most likely, politely give you some strange stares! But I do… Is this the normal human evolution as age is creeping up? I see tents, I see campers up and down the mountains and I have no envy whatsoever. None… I do want to go camping for sure but in short bursts! My Jeep Trailhawk is all set up for it. I even managed to acquire a Dometic AC/DC cooler. Now, is that luxury or not while Spirit and I lived without refrigeration for so many years? It is!!!

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Once this ablation business [had the first one yesterday] and dental non sense is over, it is for Spring “Valley of the Gods” for sure. Probably some good Friends will also join. I can play the tour guide! I could be the cook and photographer… I look forward to it, it is called “HOPE” and we cannot live without it. There is no way we can. As much as I can live the present, I would never make it without hope, I don’t believe anyone could. It would be in our mind an empty future, an abyss with no bottom, dark and uninviting. I met many years ago a gentleman who lived through the Hitler era in Germany. He was maybe ten years old at the time, still around living in Europe today, and he explained painfully that those days “hope” had vanished. He tried to explain to me how Life was suddenly emptied as there was none of it, zilch, zero, that the future will not be some day any better with maybe a loaf of bread or a pound of sugar. He said that the doors of the future had closed up on them and as much as he painfully I must say explained, I cannot fathom such word and feeling as “hope” evaporating from our lives. I don’t think it is today understandable as much as I did understand at the time we talked and thinking about it afterwards, as much as possible. Let’s never lose hope… Never.

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So again “why not?”. Why not “what?” one might ask. It is about these pages, it is about letting it all out. A good Friend of mine after my previous entry wrote me to be ready to be figuratively get stoned by many through not so kind words. It did not happen. Am I glad it did not happen? Yes, of course. It made others think and regardless why I write, I honestly must say there is a sense of “feel good” when others see a similar landscape as I do. No one has to for sure, but nice when they do as all is only part of a straight forward spirituality and goodness of the heart which is what counts the most. For me anyhow. There is so much reality so many are I would say afraid to face when truly fear should not even be present. We surmount tragedies in unbelievable ways which still today amazes me. We rebuilt, we fix, we try talking some sense into others who have reached that bottomless pit, all because it is nice and rewarding to be kind and if you think a bit deeper about those actions, they are, we can’t get away from it, “selfish” even if we don’t feel it or know it. We make “ourselves” feel better while at the same time also others. It is not I feel a true selfish because we can, it just turns out to be that way, it makes us happy when we can help others and so be it if that is what it takes. No harm but only goodness all around.

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Kindness is not lost in this world as some might think and imagine. Far from it. I would say, they are not advertised as often as the unkindness and tragedies taking place. The Media has taken care of that! I always imagined if I was wealthy beyond limits I would be capable to put together a newspaper or a television channel with only good news! Wouldn’t that be something? The subscription would come with a monthly package through the mail containing a box of Kleenex… I love kindness… I bend backwards profusely thanking again and again, and again! Our hearts were designed to melt when staring at courtesy, affection, generosity coming straight at us as a piercing arrow from another heart, patience while we try to legibly explain ourselves. Let us finish the sentence before trying to chop it up into pieces. I call it communication with others with much honesty and truthfulness. They are the rewarding ones as truly what else do we have while what we have can be so easily replaced but Friendships cannot. Aren’t we lucky we were born with feelings?

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Well, enough rambling! Wishing all a very Happy Merry Christmas on this special day the world celebrates.

Stay well, always.
                           Ara and Spirit [R.I.P. 04/04/2018] 

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6 Responses to “And why not?… NM”

  1. Pam Reynolds Says:

    Dear Ara,
    Beautiful pictures to inspire hope for peace for you and all. Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, celebrate the love we have for one another.

    Pam “Zelda”

  2. Nicky Says:

    For now I’m just wishing you a happy and Merry Christmas, too, Ara. What you wrote so well deserves a better response than I can make while being tired after my having had a wonderful, yet long,busy holiday. I will reply again, and more completely,to this page in your journal another day.

  3. Ara & Spirit Says:

    Happy New Year Nicky… Looking forward to reading more of our words. Ara

  4. Ara & Spirit Says:

    Happy New Year to you two… May your wishes come through. Ara

  5. Nicky Says:

    The heights, depths and reality of our true mental, spiritual and emotional landscapes can be so magnificent and untamed that others may consider them strange and disquieting. When describing them publicly we risk being judged or rejected by those only comfortable on flat land with tame,shallow waters.

    Some people may have learned fear of being real with anyone by having been hurt or mocked for being open and vulnerable. Or they may have a limited capacity for profound thoughts and experiences. Any kindness given to them, such as telling them a beautiful Truth as we know it, or just giving them something to hold onto when they have fallen, may not prompt them to thank us. Being appreciated is not the reward we are seeking, though. Love contained, and not expressed, holds in what must overflow- or we walk away stunted, barely resembling all that we could have been.

    Keep reaching, Ara, keep choosing to be kind and hopeful and enlightening. I have seen times when withdrawing seemed easier, when a valley seemed too low to climb out of, when the search for someone that understood was long enough to feel fruitless…
    Ah-h, but then one sees the picture I describe with my words, and everything I went through before that moment is proven to have been worth all. There are people listening, searching for people like them, for people like us. Where would you and I be if no one had dared to share their vision? Likely in a lonely universe thinking we were not fit for this world.

  6. Ara & Spirit Says:

    Your Words, thoughts, perceptiveness and Spirituality leaves me speechless. They are so much in parallel I feel with mine. Thank You a million times to make me feel that at least one person understands. You are such a Gift this morning as I am having a horrible “missing Spirit” episode and writing about it. They say “this too shall pass” but not in this case… and I do accept what is thrown at me. No one said Life would be easy… we just thought that when we were [I was!] young and foolish… I shall read your words again…. and again… Stay well. Ara

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