Always will be with you. TX

Thursday, December 3rd, 2009

“There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousands tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief… and unspeakable Love” [Quote]

Thor and Spirit  


I am still with you Lance… You know that. Regardless of a laughter, regardless of these days my thoughts being in parallel with my Friends, I am still with you. I have not been alone that much lately and as I am at this very moment, I miss you even more. I now know more than ever why I like my solitude and my times alone. It is only because they are the moments you and I are together as best we can. These are not tears of joy and yet this is the most we will now ever have hand in hand. So I will take this time with you as I so much cherish your company. This is what we are left with, I cannot ask for more as I know more will never be fulfilled, unless some day that unknown behind the present walls will mean again giving back our embrace.

Carl Colette

My gracious Hosts and Friends throughout Thanksgiving week, Carl and Colette

Cooking Cooking
Cooking Cooking

I have written you diligently day after day as you have always replied with your own words, thoughts, and have also always addressed me yourself. I have traveled thousands of miles and photographed more than most in their own one Lifetime. You have been always present in every picture Mother Nature has herself been kind enough to present us. What more could I today ask for? You have been the single immobile deer on the side of the road watching me go by as I slowed down and locked eyes with you, you have been the coyote graciously walking by with a glance only toward me, you have been the hawk flying seemingly for ever so close that I could feel your wings caressing my space. You have been so much more, you have been everywhere I have been. Yet I know we both have the same request, the same Dream and if even they are unanswered, replied within this Life of ours in the best fashion possible, we have to take the silence of no reply as one always.

Pecan Pies  
help Carl

I felt so far these past days from the ground I always see you and feel you so well. Kindness has surrounded me, my Dear Friends have more than open their arms and harts to me, and yet I feel as a piece of me has remained back at “The Oasis” where you always are. I cannot see that far tonight, I cannot hear the silence that use to prevail allowing me to ascertain your words, there are walls and facades and such feelings from such strangers all around that at times my loneliness is unequaled from times past. There is no dark blue, sometimes black, skies blanketed by the myriads of Stars as I know you are one always looking upon even when the Moon is out throwing it’s glare to make me see you and feel you better.

Cooking smoker

“But I think it is also good to see yourself reflected in the eyes of Friends who do live in that environment.  You bring something of great value to their lives … knowing that they have a friend who is strong enough to live the way you do.  Not everyone can!  Some people would go mad because they are not brave enough to be alone.  Did you know that you are brave…” A Friend wrote this today, I know she is my Friend as I am honored to be her’s. It made me think a lot, as much as I could. I never find much passed on value on my part, I never find much strength within myself, by no means not the intense and solid foundation that you have had at such an early age. The strength is even today “yours” only passing it on to me and my need to be in such past spaces only proves it.

Turkey Turkey
Cooking Cooking

It proves it because of no barrier between us as I cannot stand any. There are no walls were I spend my winter months, there is no pollution of any forms or shapes reaching my mind as here within a space of incessant noises, as I feel suddenly everyone’s strength is for some unknown reason judged on one’s loudness. There is only smoke from our burning fire warming up the now cold air I live within because I still want to be outside hearing and seeing you the best I can, as much as I can. “The Oasis” is so much unique and I have always seeked these past years such equaled spaces as I know you also will then be right next to me. I have sometimes found them, sometimes not as I always promise myself that I will. And I will more and more as I just plainly realize that surrounded by crowds only disenchants me to no end.

Dinner Dinner

Spirit and I are on our last leg of our return. Years past I would have never thought twice about delaying our ride as yesterday. I must be getting “soft”. Changes throughout the years as maybe I am becoming a fair weather rider only. The window of opportunity was today and will be tomorrow, the miles also have lessen as three hundred seems to be the magic number, gone are the six hundred to ….. miles per day. I hope the fire will be burning tomorrow night as more cold is eminent with a full Moon as a companion and you up in the skies, the brightest Star of them all. My own Star “Lance”.


Till next time, you all be well, always, it is our best choice.

Ara & Spirit

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7 Responses to “Always will be with you. TX”

  1. Kevin Clark Says:

    Ara, I’m praying for you in this season…as parents who have lost their children.. I believe we all share a connection togather…a special bond that
    only we know how rough times can be…or lonely…..or…etc….etc….
    But PTL…in those special quiet moments of time comes little layers of GOD’s healing and love to get us through another day….
    I always cherish those special moments…..
    PS: The LORD Always prays for us .

  2. Voni Says:

    Welcome home!


  3. Louise Says:

    You are in my thoughts. Peace, my friend.

  4. texascindy Says:

    Ara, I know you don’t post such as this one to get sympathy from your readers but I want you to know that my heart breaks for you when you’re so obviously in pain. Not having lost a child I can only try to understand; just know that you are in my prayers.

  5. Lorena Says:

    Hey Ara and Spirit, so sorry for your loss. I didn’t quite get it until I looked at your site a few times so please excuse my flippancy. I have a best friend who lost her adult son recently, it is so devastating and yet she lives her life with such dignity as she always has, but leads a similar spiritual quest, on the other side of the world. As for me I too have experienced life as a Samurai sword, pounded repeatedly until I acquired a sharp edge which I teeter on, from time to time. I too find solace with the animals, dogs in particular. Remember, as long as we are still here we can always give love and receive love, Namaste

  6. Zelda Says:

    Dear Ara & Spirit,
    Another superb post & pictures that bring us older folks back to the times of grandparents and great grandparents. But your signature is there – the sun shining through the magnificent old trees, good food and company. Allow these lovely people to return the love that you send to us regularly and that you lavish on those around you and nature through your pictures. Lastly, allow yourself to truly love yourself as Lance would wish, with patience and gentleness toward your body and spirit, as you share your life with him and us, in the sometimes raw but majestic outdoors.

    Pam (“Zelda”)

  7. Pat O'Brien Says:

    Ara, I have been following your story for a number of months….and my heart goes out to you. Your pain comes thru so clearly and like others have said you are in my prayers. Your photos are off the wall and inspirational! Spirit is an icon. I would like to invite you to check out my blog….started in part from your inspiration…..

    God Love You My Friend

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