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Archive for July, 2018

A pause… for now. NM

Monday, July 30th, 2018

“It’s not only moving that creates new starting points. Sometimes all it takes is a subtle shift in perspective, an opening of the mind, an intentional pause and reset, or a new route to start to see new options and new possibilities”
~ Kristin Armstrong ~

A painting of Spirit gifted by a good Friend. It is on my wall as a constant reminder of my Buddy.

I must have said and written “Stay well” over a million times. It is not to me and never has been since I have myself read it somewhere else [I forgot where!] just a “Hi” or a “Goodbye” or one of those phrases you know now automatically being asked [especially at the Dr’s Office, (really?)] “how are you?”. I mean it to every single individual when I say or write “Stay well”. I try to project my hopes, my desires, all my well being feelings that “they will be well”. And by the way, at the Dr’s office I do reply “if I was well I would not be here…”. Same at the Pharmacy… And why is so? Because simply I really care. Nothing to do with Religion, one’s Sexuality, Color, Politics [especially], poor or rich and all in between. I really care. My care has turned “naive” as I do know that the World even if it was for just a millisecond will not be 100% well. Yet, as adopting “one dog at the time”, I can only pass on my “Stay well” to others one at the time trying to plant one of those good seeds with an abondance of multicolor flowers.

Added some colors in the kitchen…

I have been played a few times as most of you have, I like to say the bad word but I won’t, letting you only imagine it. I learned to not see in white or black anymore but living on my stage with the many gray areas which are all in between. There are so many principles I cherish and must say “proud” to have acquired them throughout the years. Honesty, respect, trust amongst many others. I find Life to be so simple when using those attributes. If I mess up, well, I will tell that person that I messed up followed of course by my sincere apologies. We are responsible and must be as such of our actions. It is all too easy to always blame the next person. We learn while messing up! Hopefully just once especially if the lesson is a costly one. Guilty here for sure to not have learned sometimes the first time but they will not be a third time I can assure you. All this brings me to say that I am a trustworthy person and a hand shake is still and always has been gold to me, better than any documents an Attorney could prepare and notarize. Not long ago when I found out that through the cracks quite some dispespect and dishonesty had slipped through and stared at me I told myself I was going to change. I always trusted someone until proof of the contrary and now I was going to distrust everybody until proof of contrary. But I can’t do it… I don’t want to change… Change will be bring too much darkness to these days and I am happy even though vulnerable with the decision to stay as I am.

Never thought I would fall in Love with another dog!

As detached I have become from Social Media, as so many of my Friends also have while we all now navigate on a clean slate defunct from I call it the interminable garbage that populate their pages, I still feel there is a brouhaha within our society. Some screams, insults and so much more. Is there a need for all of this or is it just how society is ending up being wired? Could this be the decline of such Society? Are people not “well” anymore? I don’t try to find an answer while selfishly [maybe?] I try myself to stay well. To stay well even throughout these life’s changes I am finally coming to terms with and embracing. I am done with the road full time. Spirit and I have had a good run, it has been an incredible therapy and left with the morsels of short term camping and even only day rides while we come back home in the evening our Mountains being so close. It has taken one year to accept that fact and I now embrace it. Enjoy it as what is there to not enjoy?

I call her toy “Zoey Jr”!

These pages have been left unwritten for a while now. A few, and I “Thank them”, have emailed me asking me if everything was alright. I have appreciated their concern and care. I do continue writing most every day. It is quite a therapy as it has been for the past almost 13 years now. Yet, this Journal will see a pause in the coming weeks, months maybe? If asked why as I even ask myself that question I have no answer! I don’t know why. It just is. Maybe because of forging a better path? Maybe because of truthfully realizing more than ever that the ones I loved so much are now gone? I don’t know. I need to straighten up and I must do it quietly, as quietly as every day passing by.

A good shake to stir things up…

I have no doubt that Lance is still watching over me maybe with Spirit on his side having finally met. It is a good feeling while I realize that none of this would have happened without him. Everything has fallen in place as it should be. A nice home in a quiet neighborhood, the camper and “Old Faithful” easily sold replaced by two cars, one for paved roads and one for those Forest roads while I feel them being a bit of a “luxury”, but as a couple Friends said, “if not now, when?”. All services near by and as much as I miss my Buddy Spirit, having Zoey cross my path. Zoey, the most lovable dog I have ever met! Litteraly my shadow never further than two feet away from me. This is all such crazy stuff how it all happened including the sale of The Oasis. Litteraly. One needs to have faith in Life, one of the lessons learned and will continue learning more of them for sure.

The “look”…

So until next time… Stay well.

Ara and Zoey
[R.I.P. Spirit]

 



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