The curse of aging! NM, [White Sand Dunes]

Friday, September 22nd, 2017

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White Sand Dunes, NM-11 xxx

"I never disturb myself from the relativity of the consequences putting my thoughts into words."

White Sand Dunes, NM-12 xxx

I don’t consider myself the most intelligent or smart person but these years, especially these last ones, have filled me with a higher level of awareness and a delicate approach to Life containing all the principles taught to me. Yet, I never "know" and "apply" enough. “Awareness”, too much of it seems at times showing it face a an undesirable curse.

White Sand Dunes, NM-13

I realized today that I have shamefully been entertaining a "self pity" party! I glance at other’s stages, whether it is strangers coming back to what is left of their homes after the hurricanes, a Friend fighting Cancer while trying to rebuild her path she was and is still on planning her ride around the world, another Friend busy in East Texas reuniting the hundreds of dogs and cats with their owners while lost in these past turmoils. An email from another Friend I had not heard of for a while. Actually a Friend of his wrote it as he had a stroke, lost the ability to type and had to have one of his legs amputated.

White Sand Dunes, NM-16 xxxx 

White Sand Dunes, NM-2 xxx

A slap or two is often not a bad thing. It wakes me up, it has happened a few times before. It propels me, as so many others do, forward chipping away the hard rock of Life. I almost feel ashamed for this "party" now vanishing even if my own pain is very real but have to as they say "man up" and move forward. That is the answer of my previous question "what is the meaning of Life?".

White Sand Dunes, NM-4 xxx 

I follow a few who now are on the road as we say. There is a spark in me which wishes it was us. I feel their photos I think more than any other urban bystander. I can almost smell their air surrounding them, feel the warmth of their sunsets and almost want to take refuge when I witness in their photos or videos Mother Nature’s anger. But it is not us. It is others as for now the roles are reversed. It will be us soon. I have no doubt as other pit stops have ended this one will also. There is no regrets being here. Only "thanks" as while the years passing have taken their toll, this home base is refreshing. It will always be a space we can retreat to. The concept that it is mine, ours, still often keeps me at times awake at night. Yet, no one is going to kick us out!

White Sand Dunes, NM-10 xxx

Some medical news have arrived through a CT scan and in a couple more days the neurosurgeon will give me more answers of my future. I was telling a Friend yesterday "you can now tell me that I have a screw loose". Yes I do! One of the two which hold my spine plate has loosened. Two discs, one above the plate and one below have moved, one considerably and they are both pinching my nerves, the ones going to the legs. I understand it could have been worse, all the way as an unthinkable scenario, the legs being paralyzed. So? Surgery again? Steroid shots are only a band aid especially if those discs continue moving.

White Sand Dunes, NM-7 xxx

But also the cardiologist is not happy with my stress test and next Tuesday is a heart catheterization. I had to look up the spelling of that one! I will be awake and we will be communicating as the little camera progresses through its route to the heart! No Google map needed here, I won’t be the driver only going for the ride and will discover if I need some restructuring. No "pity party" but trying times while I try for the mental aspect to not keep me awake at night.

White Sand Dunes, NM-18 xxx 

I have a strong faith in Life, the faith that all will somehow be corrected to attain once again a normal Life, whatever "normal" is! I found that faith a few years back while camping on the shores of the Oregon Coast when I bumped into a lonely camper who has had six brain surgeries. For those who have read our book you know the story. Since he could not drive his wife would drop him off and pick him up a week later. It was quite the meeting which taught me so much throughout our daily conversations. I remember it being a Fourth of July week and lucky for more than obviously one reason to have found a spot to pitch our tent.

White Sand Dunes, NM-6 xxx 

Our tent! I am in the midst in the mornings while I am still physically coherent at that time putting our camping gear in one of the storage sheds standing at the end of the driveway. Carrying the bags alone, their touch and even their smell lingering from past grounds takes me back to the thousands of miles we have covered. There is a bit of melancholy I must admit. All is due because of this vehicle, the body! I sure would give anything [or just about!] to bring back these past years. They will be back… I repeat over and over again….

White Sand Dunes, NM-20 xxx

White Sand Dunes, NM-21 xxxx

Stay well,
              Ara and Spirit

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11 Responses to “The curse of aging! NM, [White Sand Dunes]”

  1. texascindy Says:

    Love, love, love you and Spirit! Your journey will continue but in what capacity is still unknown. I’ll be there alongside you in thoughts and prayers.

  2. Barney Ward Says:

    Thank you for a most timely posting. It has corrected the error of my own pity party. Sometimes a kick in the butt in the right direction is necessary for me to get my thinking straight. A good and clear path is once again in front of me. Thank you again.

  3. June Hitchcock Says:

    Hi Ara, hang in there and never give up on your dreams. I am much in the same boat as I was a full-time traveler once upon a time and now the loss of my mate and some physical difficulties prevent me from doing it again. I also relive that time by reading the blogs of others and enjoy all their travels….especially when they visit places that I too have traveled. Life is not always fair but I am also not as bad off as many others so we just move on, one day at a a time!

  4. Pam "Zelda" Reynolds Says:

    Dear Ara,
    The pristine beauty of the white sands, which I hope to see when we come visit you, is an ironic contrast with your brutally honest update on the condition of your heart and back. Your patient and optimistic attitude is a real plus for you to get through these latest obstacles of where you, Randy and I are in age. I just saw my doctor about lower back issues – will start with physical therapy and anti-inflammatory, but I know it won’t heal itself.

    We will be keeping you and Spirit in our thoughts through this winter and hope to come visit you in the spring. I am so glad you have a nice place to spend the winter in as you rest and allow your back and heart to get better.
    Affectionate thoughts to you and Spirit,
    Pam

  5. john Says:

    Ahhh, what is normal? But an ever-changing complex of realities… looking forward to your next chapter on the road again!

  6. Krashdragon Says:

    Your comments started popping up on my fb page again.
    Been busy driving a semi around the SE, right now am in Lakeland, Fl. Delivering bathtubs.
    Still wet and humid. And sandy.
    Loose screws can be fixed.
    Hugs to both of you!

    Mary A

  7. Will Says:

    Hi Ara,
    Just a quick email, have followed your website for quite a few years. Love you attitude to life, guess I should have commented earlier but until recent times I’ve just been a web lurker. I know better these days, contributing is so much better. I’m sorry your body is letting you down, I hope you can find a decent compromise.
    I wanted to help you in some way, best way I could think of was to buy your book. I’m about 1/3 of the way through it & enjoying the story. Give Spirit an ear scratch for me & good travels to you both.

    Will (Western Australia)

  8. Scruffy Says:

    Hoping all goes well with your issues, they come unwanted into our lives, but we persist, as long as we can ~ I just moved to Colorado Sept 23, and am looking forward, once settled again, to hobbling around the mountains and deserts once again. Hope to run into you eventually ~ Be well!

  9. Charlie Says:

    It was good to get an email today telling me, you were home hurting, but okay.
    Best wishes to you and Spirit
    Mom and Charlie

  10. MISSRIDER Says:

    Those days will be back and we will ride together again. You will be my hero once more as you did that dark starry scary night in Ennis Montana. We will have another root beer float, maybe not at that same place, but we will find one……. hang in there my friend, remember, together we will move mountains!

  11. leilani Says:

    The photos you took at White Sands are incredible. I’ve always been fascinated by the plants that manage against all odds to live out there, even though the land they grow on is always shifting from underneath them.

    If I recall correctly, they’ve adapted through building their own plant stands or “pedestals” by secreting a substance that binds sand to their roots so that even if the dune they grow on blows another way, they are supported down to the water table. The plant itself just stays perched in the air above where their dune *used* to be.

    I guess the plants at White Sands could serve as a pretty good metaphor. Even as our bodies give way as we age, we can all (hopefully) find a way to adapt & improvise a new arrangement to continue to survive & even thrive as you have even though your body currently seems determined to “blow the other way”. 😉

    Best of luck with all your cardiac diagnostic tests & best of wisdom in creating for yourself a higher pedestal which allows you to cope with and triumph over whatever new challenges your changing health circumstances present to you.

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