Moab, the Goblins and some Journal changes… UT

Wednesday, May 3rd, 2017

"Not everyone will understand your Journey. That’s okay. You are here to make your Life, not to make everyone understand." 

Through Moab and The Goblins-20 xxx

Moab is a magnet for me. With all the changes that have happened here, boondocking [free camping] becoming harder and harder to find I always tell myself we will never return. Yet, here we are again for a few days. Waiting for some mail, a "Trasharoo" [!], provisions and of course the eternal laundry. Whichever direction we go this is where we will find it all including probably an oil and fuel filter change. The old airport south of town has been open for 14 days to dry camping because of Jeep week, today is the last night we can stay but I found an extension of the runway beyond the fenced area where we will be able to spend a few nights until we are ready. The running around starts tomorrow. Always finding free and beautiful spaces to spend the night [s] is one of the exciting aspect while living on the road.

Through Moab and The Goblins-5 xxx

And it was running around. City Market as always being our hub. We are always meeting many on "that" parking lot as also the one across the street, the one with the outdoor camping goods store where it is always wise to leave your wallet in your vehicle! REI has nothing on that store! We met John, his wife and their four legged buddy who have been reading our Journal for years. I don’t know how he recognized me as Spirit was comfortably laying in the truck but it was a great moment ensued by great conversations. We met some filmmakers who also lived on the road most of the time while I admired, from a distance as to not touch, their cameras on elaborate tripods. They specialized in rock climbing movies and documentaries.

Through Moab and The Goblins-4 xxx

Yet, all and all, the time spent is different. It is different because we are not anymore for the moment that unintentional "circus act" with Old Faithful and a dog wearing goggles and sometimes a helmet. That has been my first observation these days especially when coming across riders, some even parked next to us and not talking to each other because, well, "we" are not on a motorcycle! Strange at first but now has become comforting as we can actually live our own lives and spent our own time in a more personal fashion. I don’t mean this in a derogatory way, it is hard to explain. Motorcycles create a community which of course the sight of the two wheels [three in our case] being a common denominator and a key to engage in conversations. We do not have that anymore… It is not I did not like it but too often by the end of the day enough was enough. I call it now being "incognito" !!!

Through Moab and The Goblins xxx

The refrigerator and the freezer are full. Another new concept. Once we leave here, either towards Goblins or Boulder, Escalante, Burr Trail, Capitol Reef, the grocery stores will be scares. I think we have enough food for a month! I felt silly the other day, after professionally cooking for over 50 years finding out a new easy recipe. Overnight Oatmeal! Seriously good, seriously easy with no cooking involved. My breakfast ready made every morning with fresh or frozen fruit depending on the cost and availability. I feel it will cut my food budget by a third until I get tired of it. The left overs are sometimes lunch. Excited to find even more shortcut while living in this huge 132 square feet home on wheels. It sure is growing on me especially with still having the ability due to being four wheel drive [with progressive lockers in the rear and air bags] to just about go anywhere remote. The thought of a bicycle has now popped into my mind. Good for the both of us while for myself shedding some weight acquired after the surgeries. Will see!

Through Moab and The Goblins-2 xxx

The bicycle idea is not going to work until my left hip is also replaced. What an ironic thought. Good for one side, painful for the other! I tried one around the block while Spirit with no concerns was laying on the store’s couch! You read right. Everyone loves him. But, that is not all besides a carrier being a couple hundred dollars, what has happened to the price of bicycles? Seriously! Lightweight, disc brakes, up and down paddle shifters… The seats didn’t look very comfortable but maybe they are not supposed to? I like the fatter tires for no reason and disliked the prices for more reasons than one. The least expensive was $1200, the most expensive [hanging out from the ceiling] was $9000! Could buy a really nice motorcycle with that kind of money. So I must be severely behind the times when it comes to bicycles. Maybe because we are in Moab? Will think about it again next year.

Through Moab and The Goblins-3 xxx

So the weather has darkened. We are still on the outskirts of Moab. Oil change and oil/fuel filters done yesterday. An expensive proposition considering this truck uses 15 quarts of oil and the previous garage had used an after market fuel filter and cap throwing away the original Ford one. Yes, I was confused at first until I understood they make over ten different kinds of after market fuel filter and caps none of them of course interchangeable. So now I know! I know while my trust in others has lowered another notch. It is frustrating especially when it comes to spending extra money because of someone else’s inability to do the job right. It really is. The upside is I know which shop it was in Salt Lake City and will pay them a visit soon when in that area. A Friend of ours suggested I would do the oil change myself as I do with Old Faithful. Sure… can you see me on the side of the road dealing with 15 quarts of used oil? It is as I want to stand by the mechanic when he is working, it is as I ask a thousand questions while I get a stare meaning "what is the matter? you don’t trust us?". The answer, so unfortunate is "no".

Through Moab and The Goblins-9 xxx 

We are stagnant today while we are not going anywhere. I do somehow lately forget we "do" live on the road and wherever we park is home as long as it is legal and we are not disturbed. It is cooking day. A slice of lamb shoulder with some spices and rice most likely. That will take all afternoon.

Through Moab and The Goblins-7 xxx

We moved on about a hundred miles away to be with some new neighbors "The Goblins". I write and write some more. The immensity of these past almost eleven years are starting to face me with a bit more of a certain, as in certitude, fashion. More than ever I plunge into the current of these remaining years while going on to hit that magic number 70. Soon. I plunge and yet at the same time as a Friend of mine and I were discussing, I am regressing divulging publicly my inner thoughts as I have done it for so many years. I feel as I am balancing myself on the edge of a very sharp blade, one which could separate me in two halves if not careful.

Through Moab and The Goblins-8 xxx

For one, we change. Everyone does. For the better or worse. I have witnessed it all including the in betweens. Yet, more than that as both sides of this Life’s compromise shuffles me from one stage to another and again back and forth, some answers do trickle in. Some are the ones which make me realize more than ever that my grieving inner pain will never go away as even while handling the waves better, it is its nature to never heal. Not only that, but also comparatively speaking, it is my own problem, my own situation and no one else’s. And so, why continue publicly express the scrapings of such feelings when I have done it for so many years. Has to be so redundant to anyone reading these words even if this is not its purpose.

Through Moab and The Goblins-6 xxx

We have arrived at the Goblin State Park today and took space on BLM land, a bit away, right below those cliffs millions of years old with their height protecting us and their shadows moving on with no care but themselves. I feel a bit like them. There are no incoming words as there is no cell service here, my breathing is so deep and so noisy against the silence surrounding me. Total silence. I don’t even hear a bird or a fly. A portal closed for so long is finally opening up and the thoughts are rushing in, none in order of importance or size. How can such emptiness be so crowded?

Through Moab and The Goblins-15 xxx

I could close my eyes and sink into a deep sleep right now but I know this is my chance to figure things out while without the outer world’s interference and projectiles sometimes a bit too overwhelming. I am comfortable in my own skin. I have continuously shed it to be who I am. I even often wonder how many like me enjoy being alone, being comfortable alone even if at times lonely. As another Friend expressed not too long ago "I am not lonely enough to be in a relationship". I think about it sometimes even if I don’t think there would be anyone willing to open up their arms to this kind of Lifestyle. It is almost a scary thought as I know what relationships entails, the big word being "compromise" and when one such as I have had so much freedom, well, compromise must be hard. I cannot even envision it. The minuses would probably fill up a greater space than the plusses? Maybe? Maybe not? Spirit is and has been so perfect.

Through Moab and The Goblins-10 xxx

I did take a nap and more silence wakes me up. I must cook. But instead I sit down and "that pain" is now on my skin, that one, a permanent brand burned into it. That is not what matters anymore as I can deal with it as I have those years, what matters is everything within me "but that". It is as suddenly the varnish, that glossy layer of Life, the one that shines and glows, that one is stripped, has been for a long time and I was not looking and feeling its main substance, it’s material it is made of. What a revelation. How could I have missed all of this? Too busy hurting? Is it really true that "It is through pain we gain wisdom" as humbly I realize that indeed I have gained some and shared it as I could, the best I could and there is so much more I have yet to discover under these rocks which I mentally will turn one by one.

Through Moab and The Goblins-18 xxx

It is a "wow" moment. Nothing is moving but only the shadows, all is still and is not as my thoughts are twirling at a hundred miles per hour. It is now only these rocks and me, nothing else, nothing. I am stuffy now and tears are rolling down my cheeks. There is room for them. Was it so crowded before we arrived here? Obviously it was. Who sent me here I start wondering as the tears dry and a smile instead appears while I wonder about the reality of this present situation. Yes, it is real… I don’t even have to pinch myself, it is very real and free for the taking because I do see it. It is not on a screen made of glass, it is here, here right in front of me. Touchable, breathable. I found something I thought I had lost. I now feel lucky and more. The days coming are indeed the prolog of this new book of ours.

Through Moab and The Goblins-13 xxx

I am back within those ancient times when words expressed were the substance of someone’s mind. Not at warp speeds though. Only human speed I feel. What would I call this? We are so used to reaching out to others within seconds if that long. A cleansing of the mind? Could I stay here a week? a month? Will I come out spiritually wealthier and healthier? Probably if madness does not take a hold of me. The image of the old man man draped with his white sheet, his dog sitting next to him and branding his cane to the skies comes back to me. I am diving into the nothing and night’s sleep is taking over.

Through Moab and The Goblins-17 xxx

One more time morning arrives after a disturbed night with too many thoughts. The same ones. Publicly expressing myself, this Journal, diary of ours. The same words I feel keep coming back over and over. I will be crossing the stream. There is hesitation yet also a freedom never acquired before. Words will stop. These pages will only be of photography with their own subtitles. It is best for now. It is after all our Journal and maybe as they say "a picture is a thousand words".

Through Moab and The Goblins.

Will be….

Stay well, Ara and Spirit

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