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“You are a function of what the whole universe is doing in the same way that a wave is a function of what the whole ocean is doing.”
~ Alan W. Watts ~
My first sight every morning while parked here somewhere in Central Texas is a dead tree. It sure looks that way but I might be wrong. A dark grayish brown fifteen foot or so trunk a bit leaning from its years fighting the winds and the elements, topped with branches finally cut short from drying and its lack of growth. It is all alone in this field adjacent to us, I would even say it probably is lonely, and yet it stands with a dignity I can feel surrounded with a few short brushes as a last barrier towards his defunct Life keeping his presence in sight for everyone to see, if only they looked. Probably not. It looks just like a dead tree amongst many others. I think it has lived a good life. Why else would it be left alone standing amongst these so many acres when it could have been taken down as his past neighbors making room for us, humans. I like that tree. It reminds me of myself and I fantasize that maybe he still has deep down in its roots some hidden Life to it.
Do we have a quote that can shield us from Life if we follow it word by word? Millions of books have been written by now since the beginning of times, yet I am at a loss when searching for the one titled "Life’s Instructions". You know the one… Comes with a warranty, maybe even free shipping or a two for one if you order it within two hours before they would all be sold out. We are born with the very bearable thought throughout our youth and even quite a bit later that we are invincible. The "bad stuff"? It would never apply to us. Kind of like when rescuing a puppy which some unfortunately will buy for the sake of its "breed" or "champion" lineage, the ones produced behind the counter taking place in those cages at those wonderful humane [insert sarcasm here] "puppy mills", puppy as applied to all animals and not just dogs for that matter, and again, we expect their own force of Nature as for us to have that certain perfection running through their veins.
The years move on, a cold or a flu here and there, maybe even a couple broken bones because we did something crazy on the weekend wanting to impress our multitude of Friends on a Monday morning throughout all the Social Media pages everyone belongs to. Insert "generality" here. I think employers should let everyone start their week on Monday noon to give their employees a chance to fill up their pages and calm down from their own apprehensions "what if no one knew what happened? They need to know. I need to know that they know…". Sometimes we are even so proud of the bone [s] sticking out or the long and deep scar that sharing a photo is a must. We have to comprehend that in today’s society nothing is a truth without a photo, a video even better. All jokes aside when a motorcyclist crashes, his companion rider or riders work the cameras before moving on to first aid and, I must add, with the highest consent of the injured rider. But I almost lost my point here, so I will get back to it. My mind has a hard time focusing lately… I am not invincible anymore. I never was and you are not either. Sorry if I bring up what you might think is a harsh reality, this companion throughout your own Life, the true "you" and not the superficial one adorned with only smiles, likes and thumbs up.
More years passes by. The past physical aches and pains turns at times mental. The kids! They have become teenagers and of course we never did what they are "now" doing when we were their age. I myself remember being scolded by my parents while hearing [not listening!] their voices and watching their lips move thinking what did I do to deserve such $%&#tic parents? "They know nothing… I know everything…". Fortunate are the ones, parents being, that can keep the balance between "friendship" and "parenting". I searched for that book also by the way but I guess it was out of print by that time. Sometimes finances for a variety of reasons don’t go so well. It could just be where we live, could be the political situation, just a bad break or truly, on the same "genre" as above we over extended ourselves wanting to impress the neighbors and friends with our new Armani suit or car or motorcycle, whatever. A credit line is a wonderful thing to lust upon until…
So now topped with a bit of gray or white we have even forgotten the definition of "invincible". We are still smiling, laughing, joking, but more often than not, it is only the surface current of this vast Ocean we are sailing through which has somehow, surprisingly, become so vast we cannot even see the shadows of the shores of the other side. Our search for those books intensifies. We become desperate as we don’t want to drop the mask, the public one, the one everyone sees as underneath it all so much taboos are stored we have no wrenches to fix them. We start asking ourselves this question or more tell ourselves as we know there are no answers "I had no clue it was going to be like this… when I get older!". Maybe our awareness for the lucky ones that find that path even turns against us as sometimes knowing too much can only be a justifiable harm. Or maybe nothing happens and we continue having these little daily battles which has no winners or losers. It just is… That is just one facet of Life…
Well, why am I even writing all this? They are thoughts, images, a certain weight on my shoulders getting heavier by the year while finding better ways to mentally and physically accomplish what I would like to think "everything" I did in the near past. It is not a setback, again, it just is. I am happy that I have made it so far a this tree has. The joy of good memories follows me as even the absence of the ones I miss makes me appreciate that at least I have those "memories" left which are not going anywhere. Yet. Some might call this "blabbing", some "thinking"… I think it is a bit of both. I have had myself at times a “guilty” verdict and at times not. I will now go out and check on that tree. Who knows, he still might have a message for me… Might even turn out to be a nurturing she!
Stay well, and don’t mind me! us….
Ara and Spirit