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“You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book … or you take a trip … and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death.”
~ The Diary of Anaïs Nin ~
Maybe through some aspects of Life, one is not supposed to be riding the windy road always ahead of us. The strength weakens. Uphill, downhill, all gets slippery. Feels like it. This wall separating from always that vision of utopia seems at times to be made out of impenetrable steel. Maybe we are not supposed to get through it. Maybe we cannot move on past it. It changes us permanently. I am ahead from when we started this path ten years ago and yet, for some reason or another this is the year I am so strongly feeling my loss has changed me forever not even remembering how and who I was before my Son was taken away. It is so personal. It is "my" problem. I always knew that even if I shared the depth of the intricacies it has brought in. It is not entertainment for sure and I will scream if I hear one more time "you should be over it by now!" The absence of my Mother, my best Friend, is being also felt stronger than ever. I would have picked up that phone a hundred times since here but that number is now disconnected and even if it was not, her voice would be missing at the other end of the line. We can lose it all, stand naked in a Desert and replace it all, except for lost Family and Friends. A card we don’t often deal with in our youth, one dealt too often when up in age. Loneliness surfaces. Friends dwindle away busy with their own lives and lucky me a couple remain at the end of the same line yet never replacing that close family bond as hard as we try. It is not a fault, that is just the nature of Life. It is what it is… isn’t it? Who would have known when young and invincible!
I have not written publicly in weeks. To be exact as I look at the previous date, a month. I started feeling that throughout these past ten years and a book I have laid down so many words and said it all as I have arrived at a fork in the road which to this day has this blinking red stop light on the too many avenues staring at me. I also see this "living on the road" path, these adventurous days, "overlanding" as they now call it [???] becoming such a giant industry, a money making opportunity for so many with their blogs, videos, photos and as I meet a few I noticed none of them are truly happy while under the weight of a "responsibility " versus living the dream for themselves. It actually saddens me. I have a hard time coming to terms with that aspect, that path we ourselves taken for fun, for a personal therapy, for a constant uprising within a personal education and the true love of Mother Nature.
We are back at The Oasis. Our first summer here in ten years. For so many reasons and yet I cannot determine which one won. I don’t try to find out anymore. We are here and enjoying it I must say even with an absent solar system which was stolen a few weeks ago. So many breakages lately that I started feeling life off the grid is a full time job! Considering I sleep in the afternoons and stay up late into the nights, this schedule does not allow to do much outdoors. In the 100’s today and for a few coming days! Amazingly I am enjoying the heat. Very strange.
Old Faithful has a draw meaning some kind of a short which discharges the battery within a few days if not started. I have not repaired it yet. She will come last as I have painfully started replacing our source of power. Maybe tomorrow so we can now start riding in the middle of the night! The cooler times. I am going to have to get up earlier and work with a headlamp. I know my machine inside out. Please "Old Faithful" do not rebel against me like everything else since we have returned! Because there has been more…
They are not lazy times but much down time because of the heat. Every day is different as there is no clock here, only the position of the sun and the beautiful nights with a ceiling blanketed with stars or a moon passing by in its different stages. Cooler air within those times. Fans are genial inventions! I have noticed the difference in weather between the 90’s and the 100’s. In the 100’s is not just a bit hotter, it is much hotter! We finally went for our first ride this morning at 5am. That is after fixing a flat on the sidecar. I love tube tires. Always keep 3 of each on hand. The secret of an easy change is WD-40 on the tire and talc powder on the tube after running some sort of fabric like a panty hose in the tire to make sure it does not grab a nail or one of those pieces of creosote prevalent here on all the roads. I changed it the night before as I had aired the tires and waited. I much prefer having a flat here than there… there meaning on the side of the road. I worked with a headlamp set on the red bulb so the bugs do not… "bug" me!
What a feeling! As much as I did not want to admit it I missed riding. While away using a camper with not much of choice, even with the peace of mind not leaving anything back at camp that could be stolen, my subconscious was I know missing riding. For those who ride they will understand, for those who don’t, you will have to try it sometime.
So now Life goes on again. Some answers about our future and which avenues to take are slowly trickling in. Everything is just about done, in working condition even if many projects are left on the back burner awaiting cooler weather. All in dues time.
Stay well, Ara and Spirit