"We don’t get to choose what happens to us, we only get to choose how to deal with it"
"I am loosing my sweetheart to cancer and your stories have helped more than you know. Safe travels. She will always be inside of me. Will always be my love. Its hard to believe that just 60 days ago we lived life free of this lung cancer burden."
And as I write this today, she is now gone. Try to understand…
Mid day and those words hit me hard. Twelve years it will be this coming January since Lance left us, it all seems as a time lapse shorter than the blink of an eye. I don’t expect anyone to understand, or want anyone to undergo the immensity of emotions which truly never quits. Only the ones grieving will understand. Maybe the others will comprehend to truly live and prioritize the moments present as they flow away never coming back.
We had to go to town after reading those words and tears started to flow throughout the miles while thinking about those two souls hanging on to each other and reaching out with such words. I am nobody. I have no knowledge a counselor would have. We are merely on a Journey I decided many years ago to share even if my writing and our own existence involved adventures, a dog, a sidecar, a tent… They are only the by products of my own therapy which often takes a dive while I continuously spend my efforts surfacing for a breath of fresh air. Redundant? Maybe. But such is Life, my Life and others also.
Yet, as I read above, these pages have helped many even if at times too honest and blunt. I cannot hide the fact that it is one of my comforts of Life. Untouchable comfort, I cannot wrap it and send it away, mail it or loan it, it is mind to mind, spirit to spirit. I see it as a gift I was given and merely passing it on hoping it has some sort of value and escapes from the hollowness that surrounds us all too often.
Once again my own day was re-prioritized and I understand more than ever why we live such a sheltered Life. So much in this outside World, especially today, seems so trivial and yet I have to respect it as it is what it is. We are only each of us that tiny spec of sand in this vast Universe 15 billion or more years old and each of us has the freedom to live it the way we see fit. I so much too often prefer to not witness it and only nod my head if and when I have to as my thoughts keep going back to the words above.
An odd thought passed through my mind. Not in a macabre way but letting the positive surface while I use the word "lucky" resulting from these past years. The present is indeed lucky as unlike many and due to my priorities nothing matters anymore. There are no worries, no concerns, no fear or apprehensions. Imagine living as such. It is a gift. Is it a fantasy when I say that it is Lance’s Gift. Maybe for some it would be, yet, I so strongly believe in that aspect. When the bag is empty nothing can fall out of it and its holes will not matter. It is a Life with a daily abandonment relinquishing all of the norm which was in years past. It is truly freedom, as much freedom one can have while other aspects such as Mother Nature, Health and a few other issues still govern us.
A funny thing [odd?] happened when Lance passed away. Most of my Friends vanished and strangers came forward. Such strangers are now our closest Friends even if some took a glance and sometimes also exited. I don’t know why. Maybe too much reality. Another aspect of the fabric of Life. All paths are not alike and not for everyone just as myself avoid other’s tracks. I have new Friends now which with their own words have reached to us. I have a total comprehension of their nights and days. How can I help? I can only by not being a stranger to them and in return send out words of comfort. Words which make sense, words which I wish I would have received myself years ago. Blunt but honest expressing the reality of these days they are going through. I remember mine too well… Maybe they will indeed be of some help.
I don’t use names but have some kind thoughts for my Friend. They will reach him…
Ara and Spirit