“It takes courage to live as your authentic self. Some people, even family members, may not want to accept the real you. But if you don’t live that way, you become less of yourself and limit what you can do. Walking to the beat of your own drum allows you to use all your gifts and be there for others. Every choice you make contains the choice to be authentic. When you choose to live as who you really are, you become your best self.”
~ Don Shapiro ~
I so much wish sometimes I would not feel Life as I do. I so much wish the Romantic aspect towards it all would vanish. They proclaim moments of joy, an unbelievable aroma of this essence of Life and at times also slams a lid so hard only because the path of thoughts becomes unreal and not at that same very moment a doable one often filling me with frustrations and wishes, realistic but not within this now present.
Ah! I go saying! There we go again… Come back to Earth Ara! That is where Spirit is as I look at him and try to imitate his own spirituality of living in the moment. Yet even within those times of certain desires, wishes, hopes are never lost even if they have been lingering for years. There is a warmth heated up by the "ifs", the "maybe", "how about… ". It is never pretentious, it is just not the reality of the present as I would like it to be. And how about if I was wrong as I have been many times in the past and still will be in the future as always being right means perfection which for sure none of us have that quality.
I start floating in between the layers of reality and a fantasy wishing such would become the reality! The steps are hesitant. I am not afraid to fall, I just don’t want to smear what could be real. The moments become tentative, hesitant, the heart weighs a little heavier as the mind wonders through fields of warmth sunlight caressing Life as I would want it. I have to come back to "what it is". Not a harsh reality, just a present which is filled with desires of a different stage. I smile because that reverie itself has warmth as also is the "now" feeling so lucky to be here.
A ride. A ride anywhere could be, always has been the prescription. We took Highway 149 towards Lake City with its road meandering from valleys to peaks as also my mind followed its curvature. A bit cold when moving, a bit hot when stopping as were also my thoughts without a handle on them to keep them in line while they escaped the present. We stopped a couple times, I rode standing up a few, we had not even reached 100 miles and the back and the hip started to remind me of their ill condition.
Another day on the road as now back to camp while sitting in the shade I am looking at this butte capped with a cloud immobile the shape of a giant heart. Slowly the wind, unlike I would like Life to do, tears it apart, flattens it and moves it on sideways. It is gone but my memory has kept its glimpse. The space has slowed down. The day is now resting and it will be a while before sunset which only means sleep will follow while this body and mind rest with non remembrance of thoughts if they take place. We will start all over tomorrow, a tomorrow which never has its label of certitude, we can only hope.
A cloudy morning has arrived. Sleep was not of a good one awaken often by the rain and then on thoughts surfacing within these days not surprisingly ahead of the present. Seems to be the uncontrollable path right now. The thought of winter having to go through three surgeries. Positive is present but hidden somewhere in deep layers there is a certain apprehension. Rightly so most likely. They will be new events I am sure filled with surprises. Moments when I will exclaim "Oh! I didn’t know that…". Patience… Patience all around.
I then this afternoon truly lost it. Does not happen often but I did. My immobility got to me. What is 70 or 100 miles for us? Nothing… Yet right now a lot! I recognize those moments and respect them as I would another Being sitting across from me as then, with a bit of thinking and a few words of reason from a good Friend put me back on the right track. We are allowed… Right?
One more sticker for the road…
Our Photo Coffee Table Book below is now available through Blurb as a hardcover, e Book and I Book.
Ara and Spirit