“You are not a mistake. You are not a problem to be solved. But you won’t discover this until you are willing to stop banging your head against the wall of shaming and caging and fearing yourself.”
~ Geneen Roth ~
We were on the radio a few days ago with the wonderful people from “Adventure Rider Radio”. For those interested in listening, this is their link and the interview.
One week left before we leave for Midland where we have kindly been offered a home. Karma is good. Think positive and all good will happen even if feeling obstacles of a "normal" Life have taken a higher note. It is probably about a 100 in the sun, the shade continues feeling good. I don’t keep a thermometer, I really do not want to know the temperature. I am afraid it will affect me and the truth is, what difference will it make? We are doing well "doing nothing"! I wake up early to do certain chores I am still able to fulfill, I watch Spirit watching me as if suddenly a booster rocket is going to propel me near him. I am sure he is disappointed having to go by himself on his rounds of coyote smells and who knows what else. A whistle and the word "treat" gets him back when needed. He is quite a dog… A Dog? No, he is my Human…
I see photos of others in spaces we should be in right now! Bears Tooth Pass, South of Salida, Snowy Range Pass and more. Yes, it hurts a bit and I have to change gears bringing up our own past chapters. It has been quite a Journey since November 6th 2006… Almost ten years now and the tune up is not anymore dedicated to Old Faithful but toward this body of mine needing some attention. It gives me much time to think. Yes, we were there and experienced it all. Not all, but quite a bit in a fashion most do not meaning in that slow gear taking it all in. The doors are closed right now, the sign says "halt" and the red light is blinking while not even orange awaiting for the green. Soon.
I think I will kiss each mile we ride on when this light turns green! Maybe I won’t even know what to do with myself, with a body that will again function. The lid will come off and I will savor those moments while I will try so hard to not get back into this present situation. I have the faith. You must. We must as I truly believe in the correlation between the body and the mind. In the meantime I follow the titles given to me on Netflix while laying down I must say comfortably. My live backgammon games are also going on as I have regain the know how of this game I love so much. A game my whole family played in my youth as I use to watch them to no end. It is a bit dry to play it on the Internet but I have learned to talk to myself instead of an opponent who would hear me. The talking is a big part of the game. The wishes for the Gods of Backgammon have to be heard when one needs a double or any number for that matter. It is a game after all. 50% is luck, the other 50% is knowledge and strategy. I think!
Nights are still cool. Sitting outside and watching the Stars is such a treat while the toads do their things jumping every which way and the night owls make their presence known. If I am lucky I hear the packs of coyotes calling each other and eventually getting together for their own party. What would I complain about? This is the Desert, this is where no one comes, not a single car or soul. It is Peace and I keep it that way while my Son and Mother I have no doubt approve resting within this space so serene. Our space. They don’t have to share it with anyone either.
We are getting near. One more week to go. One appointment was changed this morning. The Dr is probably going fishing that day! It is not the hip Dr who is the main one. It is the spine Dr… I hope "his" back is fine when he comes back from his fishing trip. It is a bit warmer this morning. I do go through depression times. This is one of them. I feel stuck and we are. No Go. Do not pass and collect anything. The back hurts a lot today and so does the hip. I am tired of this mess and yet I have to keep dealing with it. I talked to a couple Friends yesterday on Skype. It felt good to hear familiar voices even if themselves are very busy with their own lives. It seems as I am the only one idling. Not even idling… a dead engine is more like it. What a surprise this summer has been. I guess one has to always be ready for the unexpected.
I have three more days left here. Last night we had the storm of all storms… again! I fell twice. I am realizing this morning how difficult it is to live as such. Everything has turned into a painful effort as even now lifting a gallon of water is a chore. All I can say is "Wow" and truthfully I am looking forward being at some Friends home soon. I know I will be there from the 17th through the 25th. Those are the appointments. The other times will depend on when they schedule my surgery or surgeries? If the window of time is long we will come back here. Or will we? My Friend wrote to me "be methodical". That is a good word. I have my list which is taken care off early morning and right at Sunset to avoid this heat which in itself right now is making me dizzy! I keep asking myself… "what happened"? as the memories of us running those past roads keep on surfacing. What a test of Life… One more.
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How about a couple black and whites! Part of a series I will call “Summer Storms of Big Bend”…
Stay well… Ara and Spirit