Two years now, for my Mother… TX

Monday, March 16th, 2015

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Mother-29 xxx

She was my rock.
My cheerleader.
Steadfast and strong.

Now she’s gone.
My best friend.
Her laughter was infectious.
Her smile would light up your face.

She left her footprints everywhere.
And she gave her love unconditionally.
She taught many through her teachings
of ABC’s, 123’s.

I miss her so much and just want to hold her hand one more time and walk the path shaped into a heart again.
She stood tall and with such grace.
She’ll be an act that one can never follow,
for she was one-of-a-kind.
I’m blessed to call my Mother.

She left no debts to others.
She left ever lasting memories for our hearts.
I think my heart stopped beating when she took her last breath
because the pain is still there.

The walls are whispering to me.
The nights are unsettled in thought.
Where do I go from here after so many years?

She whispers from above, "One step at a time, the door is wide open."
A tear falls down my cheek.
It’s time to rest and start my journey anew.
Embrace the starting over, begin again.

I miss you Mom.

~ Marilyn J. Carleton ~

Mother-3 xxx

Do I like to "pain"? Definitely not. The Human complexity is however so intense. How much power do we really have on our emotions regardless of our thoughts on harnessing them and changing their road sign to a smilie versus a frown. Like a flat rock thrown expertly over water it is a constant ricochet while trying to keep the momentum infinite as to not sink to the bottom. Is it possible?

 Mother-2 xxx

I always feel the times of the year when in the past not much of it made any sense. I am not shy about expressing them. Who else truly I have besides these pages to do so? I have never been very good at bottling up my feelings and wearing a generic mask, the one shown on the mainstream, the wider avenues of this society. I often wish I could, I repeatedly try to hide my awareness in the depth of that same water I ricochet on but it just resurfaces showing me the reality of this Life we have to embrace with the good and the bad.

Mother xxx 

These pages have always reflected my inner thoughts, the mental and physical ride report which that same mainstream has maybe a fear, a dread and jitters to express as for the simple reason "what would the neighbors think?". The past years have been a long Journey which at the same time has passed as short as the blink of an eye and who knows how many years are left as my body is starting to feel the physical aches and pains of a numerical aspect tagged by. I am never concerned with what "the neighbors might think" as I know these pages are honest and truthful. They are also therapeutic.

Mother-8 xxx

Almost two years have now passed since one of my Life’s Star is gone. Physically anyhow as my Mother resting here only a few feet away allows me to talk to her daily, herself only across reunited with my Son Lance. It is an odd feeling I must say to be near by them, only inches away and the thoughts of what was once is now "what it is". I am fortunate in that sense that their presence is right here and not miles away. The landscape surrounding me erases itself and images of the past instead take place. It is like magic with no buttons to push, no windows to click on, no electronics needed as most everything else these days. They are the simple memories of the Human path making a U turn and reconstructing the past moments lived and enjoyed.

Mother-12 xxx

Enjoyed! Yes, so immensely as they do put a smile on my face. The little details of a dinner had when I was told to just sit and stay out of the kitchen. Watching an item at a storefront maybe a bit too long and finding out that my Mother ended up buying it for me. The long talks we had while sitting in her comfortable living room listening to family stories going back over a century. A hug, more hugs while her pointing at her cheek with her finger wanting a kiss from her Son which I know she missed so much while too often being thousands of miles away from each other. Skype is never the same!

Mother-6 xxx

I don’t even have to close my eyes to replay such and more memories. A whole month together when one year she visited and spend on Tybee Island doing nothing but strolling the boardwalks and following our noses for good food. The subway and bus rides together in Munich for our almost daily visits to downtown and the food stores buying the best cheeses and cuts of meat complemented by the fresh vegetables and fruit in abundance nicely laid out for the taking. We were so fortunate and it still hurts that what was then will never be again.

Mother-7 xxx 

Her last smile holds me up. We talked on Easter Day and the dreaded phone call came in on Monday, the day after. She was in a coma following a stroke which destroyed the right side of her brain as the MRI showed. I arrived at the Hospital in Munich on Thursday. As I entered her room, her head turned towards me with a faint smile but the most sparkling glow in her eyes. It only lasted a few seconds, it was a lifetime, it was the last, the last image which will never be erased. The last breath. She waited. Life had come in full circle. She gave me Birth, she was the best Mother and on that day erased herself giving me the reins of Life. All of them to alone steer its twists and turns.

Mother-15 xxx

Mother-22

Isn’t Life just amazing? We are "small" and yet so big. There is planet in our Galaxy that is so large that if an airplane circled it at 900 mph it would take 11,000 years! ["MOA-2011-BLG-322"]. And how many Galaxies are there? There are at least 100 billion of them! In our Galaxy alone there are 17 billion sized Earth planets. Amongst all of this here we are with Life, precious Life, Family present and past, Friends, acquaintances, our Pets. I feel humbled and as much as some moments pain me I think at of all of the above and are fortunate to be a Human Being and have had such a Family.

Mother-23 xxx 

Mother-27 xxx

Stay well,
              Ara and Spirit

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13 Responses to “Two years now, for my Mother… TX”

  1. Voni Says:

    Nameste!

  2. Don McGilvray Says:

    A wonderful tribute, Ara.
    She is at peace.
    Rest easy, my friend,
    Don

  3. Madeleine Velazquez Says:

    She is beautiful.

  4. Randy Says:

    Wonderful lady. Thank you Ara.

  5. texascindy Says:

    Through your words, I feel as if I knew her. Hugs, dear friend. Lots of them.
    Cindy
    PS I don’t know if I ever told you but both of my parents died on an Easter Sunday; daddy in ’99 and mama in ’08.

  6. Zelda Says:

    Dear Ara,
    The love shows through these pictures, from your mother to you, and from you to Spirit, and to us, your friends close and far away.
    Thanks for sharing your memories of your lovely mother and yourself, such a darling little boy. The gift lives on!

    Wishing you and Spirit safe and pleasant travels this summer.

    Zelda & Natasha

  7. Sissy Says:

    I often wish I were powerful enough to erase the pain of all who hurt. I know yours, for my beloved Mom left us twenty-six years ago and the pain is still with me, day in and day out. A brother shattered our lives three years ago on the 18th, the day before his birthdate. No, pain will always be a part of us.

    This is a beautiful memorial you have shared with us. Thank you, Ara.

  8. Ara & Spirit Says:

    Thank You Zelda, Cindy, our Friends always.
    Sissy… Indeed pain will always be with us. Another Friend of mine who’s Fiance was gun down not too long ago, less than a year ago, wrote to me “Losing such a close person to us is like surfing. The waves never stop, we just learn to navigate better”. I tell that to myself every day. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not. I had to stop asking the so many questions I asked myself starting actually 13 years ago when Lance got sick. Much reading later I do come to the realization that this is how Life was designed. Why? How? No one truly knows and will [in my and others many opinions} will know. The “test” of Life is the toughest ever most of us will experience unless only skimming its surface and even that aspect is only to hide the true reality which is inside all of us. Hang in there, one day at the time… Thanks for writing. I really appreciate that. Ara and Spirit

  9. Marco Says:

    Ara, This has touched me deep into the soul.

  10. Patrick Says:

    Ara-
    This post reminds me that there is so much in life that gets lost in the noise of the way we live these days. One day we all end up leaving this body and this world and we of course have no idea when that may be. My 83 year old mother is the last of her brothers and sisters. That realization has reminded me that life is so much more than working or money or all the material things. Our Mothers offered unconditional love and support even when they didn’t agree with us and thought we were truly a little crazy.

  11. Ara & Spirit Says:

    Thank You Marco… Come by and visit. Ara and Spirit

  12. Ara & Spirit Says:

    Hi Patrick. Yes, what you write and think is so very true. I sure miss Family! Ara and Spirit

  13. Sven Peter Says:

    As my sister uses to say;
    “Beauty comes from inside.”

    Best wishes
    Sven

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