How to order our book…
“Freedom on Both Ends of the Leash”, our Book, is now available autographed through us for $24.99 [$19.99 + $5 S&H, Continental 48 States] by clicking the photo links on top of this page. [PayPal accepting all cards]. It is also available through Amazon in paperback or as a Kindle download. All other electronic formats are also available.
You can also order from any Bookstore and Beemerboneyard.
If ordering more than one copy through us you will need to place each order separately or e-mail me.
Please read below about rates for International Shipping and outside the 48 States
The flat shipping rate for outside the 48 States or International is $15. Please e-mail me [“e-mail me” link above] for those orders as you will have to get directly into our PayPal account bypassing the normal procedure.
She was my rock.
Steadfast and strong.
Now she’s gone.
My best friend.
Her laughter was infectious.
Her smile would light up your face.
She left her footprints everywhere.
And she gave her love unconditionally.
She taught many through her teachings
of ABC’s, 123’s.
I miss her so much and just want to hold her hand one more time and walk the path shaped into a heart again.
She stood tall and with such grace.
She’ll be an act that one can never follow,
for she was one-of-a-kind.
I’m blessed to call my Mother.
She left no debts to others.
She left ever lasting memories for our hearts.
I think my heart stopped beating when she took her last breath
because the pain is still there.
The walls are whispering to me.
The nights are unsettled in thought.
Where do I go from here after so many years?
She whispers from above, "One step at a time, the door is wide open."
A tear falls down my cheek.
It’s time to rest and start my journey anew.
Embrace the starting over, begin again.
I miss you Mom.
~ Marilyn J. Carleton ~
Do I like to "pain"? Definitely not. The Human complexity is however so intense. How much power do we really have on our emotions regardless of our thoughts on harnessing them and changing their road sign to a smilie versus a frown. Like a flat rock thrown expertly over water it is a constant ricochet while trying to keep the momentum infinite as to not sink to the bottom. Is it possible?
I always feel the times of the year when in the past not much of it made any sense. I am not shy about expressing them. Who else truly I have besides these pages to do so? I have never been very good at bottling up my feelings and wearing a generic mask, the one shown on the mainstream, the wider avenues of this society. I often wish I could, I repeatedly try to hide my awareness in the depth of that same water I ricochet on but it just resurfaces showing me the reality of this Life we have to embrace with the good and the bad.
These pages have always reflected my inner thoughts, the mental and physical ride report which that same mainstream has maybe a fear, a dread and jitters to express as for the simple reason "what would the neighbors think?". The past years have been a long Journey which at the same time has passed as short as the blink of an eye and who knows how many years are left as my body is starting to feel the physical aches and pains of a numerical aspect tagged by. I am never concerned with what "the neighbors might think" as I know these pages are honest and truthful. They are also therapeutic.
Almost two years have now passed since one of my Life’s Star is gone. Physically anyhow as my Mother resting here only a few feet away allows me to talk to her daily, herself only across reunited with my Son Lance. It is an odd feeling I must say to be near by them, only inches away and the thoughts of what was once is now "what it is". I am fortunate in that sense that their presence is right here and not miles away. The landscape surrounding me erases itself and images of the past instead take place. It is like magic with no buttons to push, no windows to click on, no electronics needed as most everything else these days. They are the simple memories of the Human path making a U turn and reconstructing the past moments lived and enjoyed.
Enjoyed! Yes, so immensely as they do put a smile on my face. The little details of a dinner had when I was told to just sit and stay out of the kitchen. Watching an item at a storefront maybe a bit too long and finding out that my Mother ended up buying it for me. The long talks we had while sitting in her comfortable living room listening to family stories going back over a century. A hug, more hugs while her pointing at her cheek with her finger wanting a kiss from her Son which I know she missed so much while too often being thousands of miles away from each other. Skype is never the same!
I don’t even have to close my eyes to replay such and more memories. A whole month together when one year she visited and spend on Tybee Island doing nothing but strolling the boardwalks and following our noses for good food. The subway and bus rides together in Munich for our almost daily visits to downtown and the food stores buying the best cheeses and cuts of meat complemented by the fresh vegetables and fruit in abundance nicely laid out for the taking. We were so fortunate and it still hurts that what was then will never be again.
Her last smile holds me up. We talked on Easter Day and the dreaded phone call came in on Monday, the day after. She was in a coma following a stroke which destroyed the right side of her brain as the MRI showed. I arrived at the Hospital in Munich on Thursday. As I entered her room, her head turned towards me with a faint smile but the most sparkling glow in her eyes. It only lasted a few seconds, it was a lifetime, it was the last, the last image which will never be erased. The last breath. She waited. Life had come in full circle. She gave me Birth, she was the best Mother and on that day erased herself giving me the reins of Life. All of them to alone steer its twists and turns.
Isn’t Life just amazing? We are "small" and yet so big. There is planet in our Galaxy that is so large that if an airplane circled it at 900 mph it would take 11,000 years! ["MOA-2011-BLG-322"]. And how many Galaxies are there? There are at least 100 billion of them! In our Galaxy alone there are 17 billion sized Earth planets. Amongst all of this here we are with Life, precious Life, Family present and past, Friends, acquaintances, our Pets. I feel humbled and as much as some moments pain me I think at of all of the above and are fortunate to be a Human Being and have had such a Family.
Ara and Spirit