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“I don’t think necessity is the mother of invention. Invention . . . arises directly from idleness, possibly also from laziness. To save oneself trouble.”
~ Agatha Christie ~
A week later, besides riding the so much missed local roads, some with no names and some as Aqua Fria or Legion Rd and it’s branches forking out, walking around with Spirit and much playing, we have done, I have done nothing! The temperatures are very slowly dropping as early mornings and evenings are now just right while taking advantage of afternoon rise of the thermometer and shade for Siesta! Just a couple more days and we will then be in the welcomed 70’s. Once again being here this time around is different. If that could even be, my passion for this space has increased ten folds. There is an extra step taken towards the now, just being, and it is as I almost feel guilty about it. Calm, silence, all as protected from the outside world with whom my only connection is the Internet. I wonder if some day I will be able to spend summers here if we had a roof.
That is actually the plan for the future. Where else would we go when this body finally breaks down and gets old? An RV Park up North? That is out of the question and the same goes for campgrounds. I am so aware that there is not even a reason yet to think about those years, but I sometimes do. Time is flying so fast that I feel obliged. It is a new aspect in my Life and the shadow of the future has become for some reason more present than ever.
It might also be because the spaces throughout the country have changed. Mainly the safety of it. That annoyance. Sitting in Valley of the Gods and witnessing a black truck going by four times within an hour does not make me feel good. Not too far is the San Joaquin River, Navajo reservations and meth labs. Coming across a meth lab in Snowy Range Pass, Wyoming, this time around blown up and still smoldering also is disturbing. I had to lead the Ranger to it as she did not know about it. Campground for safety in numbers with the comfort of leaving our gear behind when out and about during the day? There is always the drunk [s] next to me and the kids yelling in unison with their mother. Dogs locked up in campers barking all day and all evening, smoke from their fire pit traveling through our space, outdoor television blasting. Seriously. When at the Olympic Peninsula while camping in a campground near our editor’s motel with the same owner of both, a young group of about 20 I witnessed were doing needles! When I spoke with the owner the next day her reply was only "They are young… let them have some fun, there is nothing I can do.." More annoyances when only seeking some calm and peacefulness. What to do?
A cooler day this time around, sitting outside talking to Lance and a twister came by passing right above him lifting the dust from his name written in stones. It is his Birthday today. 36. I don’t believe in coincidences. His Spirit must have just passed by and it was indescribable. I go back to my archives reading what I have already written so many times. I feel often I am just fooling myself with all these positive aspects I have learned such as acceptance, fabric of Life, Karma feeling he gave his own Life to watch upon us. It is a "heavy" day. I know one has to smile at the good memories but do smiles and tears ever mix? I don’t have my Mother to talk to, my few Friends are busy with their own lives, their own jobs, family, their own situations to deal with. I want to say that Life "sucks", how can it not on this day even if I was thankful toward it as just a few days ago to have showed us this good path to live on. It is a confusing day. That is all it is. One which demands patience as tomorrow will be another day, a bit lighter. The weight of the world is on my shoulders and as I just read again "It is through pain one gains wisdom", I keep thinking "Please… no more wisdom needed".
But we will continue learning this weaving. Always. The unexpected step up is too often around the corner to shy away from such aspect. Hopefully such wisdom learning will not be very painful and costly as some have been. With some luck it will not be anymore people which will disappoint me as I try so hard to not disappoint them. I don’t think however many understand this core of Life. I don’t think it can be understood while having never experienced the finality of Life itself. The priorities, the unwillingness to battle, the importance of so little in the big scheme of things, all changes almost upside down from how the past was leaving a path so raw with a wound never healing only bandaged to with time ease the pain and reach new true heights. So true when a reader writes to us “So, when one finally realizes there is a finality to life, that’s when true ‘living’ begins.”
We are like spiders when our web collapses and is blown away with the need to rebuilt it as once again around and around we go in circle hoping the next circumference will be wider but so well knowingly it will not be any easier. There is no expectation for anyone who has not worn these shoes to understand. I write because “I do understand” and these are my conversations with myself. My outlet to comprehend what too often is incomprehensible and accept the path. I drag my anchor in stormy weather, I do not bring it to the surface as I know by now once again it will soon take hold on those muddy bottoms sliding the hard rocky surfaces it glides on. Yes, Life falls apart some days, we are after all Humans. I guess that is all we need to know and accept.
Ara and Spirit