I realize this Journal itself is a window into our Lives. More often than not very personal. I know it bothers some which I ignore, others are moved and moved on by it, it makes me appreciate the sharing effect as the bottom line is, we are all in this same hull even if our sailing directions are not alike.
From a few days ago, actually our last ride right before my back went out as they say…
A fork on the road this morning. In the road, on the road, ahead of us, all the same. One of those when the logistics of being on such a path presents itself with a larger than life interrogation mark. The lower back pain and hip is again present like a vengeance popping it’s ugly head demanding a solution. 24/7 picking at this body with no rest in sight. Exercises, hard floor, all seem to be laughing at me. I must find the cause, this is such a non sense not in parallel with this lifestyle, any lifestyle for that matter. There are no Doctors available in Moab. Hard to believe in this town where the physical injuries must be of many. One is on vacation and the appointments are a month away, another group is not taking new patients. They look at me with a blank stare probably hoping I will just go away, which I did. There was not an ounce of "let’s see what we can do…". Only the smart phone reappearing in the receptionist’s hand to continue what she was doing before I appeared. I decided to visit the Emergency room for X Rays. Why not? I have Medicare now. I feel as it is the logical approach to find out about the source of this non sense. Will think about a specialist afterwards in another town, maybe Tucson while we will have to then drop south. What is the sense of staying here while we cannot ride? I am wishing myself "good luck", it is going to take as such.
The Emergency room visit went fine. I was the only one there early morning and the Dr did have much experience with back injuries. I now have a DVD of my X Rays. The lower discs are degenerating causing the sciatica to the left leg. Muscles, branches of nerves, I think I finally learned what is going on. It does not surprise me. Exercises. The right ones. More of them. New ones which take about an hour per day. Stay off the riding aspect. For now. Follow up with my own Dr in Alpine next week.
Next week became this week. We have arrived at "The Oasis". The hardships have been piling on, not much a specialist even can do. We have dropped to Texas fairly fast even if I call it "while limping". "Deal with it" I tell myself. There is always someone worse off.
A new window is opening. One which has been present but latched for quite a while. It is a week of thoughts and a decision. We all have a project we aspire towards. Sometimes a large one which would take up much time. Mine has been writing a Book. Yes, I know. Everyone wants to write a Book, nothing too unusual. That time has come for many reasons. I am sitting here at "The Oasis" and thinking about them. Thinking about their honest reasons. The first one being a project I always wanted to achieve for myself, not a Nobel Prize for sure. Laughable. And yet the logistics of keeping a Journal and writing a Book all at the same time would not be very conductive. Not even truly possible.Time has arrived and my Mother’s passing away onto the other side has clinched that moment. There is a deep void present as even this space now feels empty. How strange we passed so much time here in the past detached but were never solitaire. We use to talk a lot, specially on Sundays which we set aside for hours of conversations. There is no more. I have not adapted yet, it is too early.
There is a weight instead within my chest and as I know too well that time does not heal the wounds but instead allows us to reconcile to such situation, I strongly feel the need to go back reading my own pages of my own previous years, learn some from them, re-learn, streamline them into a couple hundreds or three hundred pages along with my favorite photos, which I thought would be a nice touch. I am looking at it as a the ultimate therapy to dig back into what has helped me, where we have been throughout this beautiful Country, the people we have met which have stood by us and vice versa. I cannot let time go by anymore without a deeper purpose. This will be it’s purpose for the months to come with much discipline six days a week. I already have a Title and front and back cover photos.
The Journal will not fall into the shadows as I will only keep it afloat on the subject of… "writing a book at ‘The Oasis’" and how Life develops while being here with photos and videos from these months we will spend here. Maybe just some boring videos! It is a bit odd, the concept is, the changes, all have flourished. I guess, as I so strongly feel the need for this next step, what a better space to do as such. We are comfortable here, have some solar power, the phone and Internet works, food, water, hikes. My Buddy always by my side patient as ever. What else can anyone wants. I forget, we also have silence, a total blackout and stillness from the outside World we have traveled throughout these past months. This space never cease to amaze me. It was good fortune to stumble on these ten acres a few years back and slowly populate it with our basic needs. It all came to “today’s reason”. A Book!
PS: rode our first ten miles in quite a while yesterday, it was not too bad, this too shall pass…
Ara and Spirit