Paragraphs of Daily Thoughts and much Mental Therapy. Photos. Sometimes Videos. Published Weekly or so.
"I am responsible for what I say. I am not responsible for what you understand"
"I love my mom as you did yours, yet having said that, once you get her ashes Home it will be time to continue to live your life and not dwell too much on times past, yet don’t forget them. You know she wishes that. Let it all go and take advantage of the years we all have left remaining, cherish the moments you had and remember them, but also let them go…"
~ Doug Hayduk ~
This morning was a new day. No, it is a "new day". New all. It takes again words send by a Friend to wake me up, to stop feeling miserable toward an outcome which will happen, just not when "I want it". So be it. I had felt aging by ten years in ten days, sick to my stomach, sleepless nights, not a smile on my face. Mind over matter this could have not continued too long without in turn erasing my own self from it all. I cannot let that happen. We "Human Beings" are so complex. Truly an amazing fact when I can look back at some wasted days.
I am ahead in my thoughts. Thinking what we will do when I return back to Colorado and once again reunited with Spirit rolling down the roads. I feel suddenly as I need a purpose though, as I call it "something different", something to accomplish. More than previously. Maybe a Documentary Video going back to the spaces we have been. Maybe some private dinners with a presentation of our Life on the Road, maybe having a few others join us at times facilitating, spreading the then will be present we encounter such as camping, cooking, riding and photography. Sharing on a different level.
I am trying to ignore the couple comments I received from what I call more "hate mail" toward my own writing of my own Mother passing away. I don’t understand such. Maybe I do, maybe I just don’t want to jump to a sad conclusion that some "Human Beings" have truly an Evil aspect. These are my pages, they are often as these present times far from being entertaining, yet, they are my discussions with my own self.
The unpaved roads, the beautiful sceneries, sunrises and sunsets again will face us soon and lift the times to come for us to again adapt toward a future present. In the meantime, Spirit in Colorado Springs, myself in Munich for another week, we are both trying the best we can with what we have. The apartment has been given up. Sad about it’s contents as it could not be rented furnished and all remains behind to make up for the sum a Company wanted to charge to dispose of it. Years of memories vanished. All would have been different back Home. I would have tried most likely to store some items, to sell others. It has not been the case here and for the last time I shut that door I will never see it’s contents again. One never knows upcoming turns of events.
This time around I am with good Friends about an hour away from Munich. They lighten up my Spirits through conversations and much food and more food. The quality of the ingredients here is so incredible. We even went out wandering through an open air Market through the rain [has not stopped 24/7!] and the unpasteurized cheeses, the meats smoked, the roasted almonds and nuts of all sorts, vegetables, fruit, everything was so much of a long time unseen quality and taste that I had missed from my own previous years living in Europe.
Finally the Sun comes out this morning for maybe an hour as I take advantage to go visit the little Church up the hill. Every little Village like this one has a Church. I cross the field, a little bridge over a spring, up the hill but the Church was locked. Another modern convenience I think, "locks". What happened to the days when all were open and welcoming at any time of the day or night. We know the answer. Oh! well. It would have been nice to sit and think a bit more within those walls. Might have calmed down my emotions as already Tuesday is here and there is no movement within the Registrar’s Office regarding my Mother’s Ashes and an ‘International Certificate of Death". I try to stay positive but the moments are weighing on me as I cannot help feeling I will have to return one more time and will be leaving empty handed. Another Church in Munich made up for it.
Days have passed. Two months shy of four days. Why do I feel a battle has been won! It should not have been one. The compassion from behind the many desks I dealt with has vanished. So has consideration, sympathy. I felt as I have been dealing with a few used car salesman. Maybe I have not caught up with today’s mainline society’s syndrome. And will not. Yet, Karma in the form of so much help and wisdom from my Friends filled these past possible moments, those trying times when daily the roller coaster edged it’s way on the taken path.
I have not written much these days as I now write this on the plane throughout the last leg of this Journey towards Colorado Springs to be soon reunited with Spirit. It was every day all the way to the last afternoon, translations, my Friend driving up to 300 kilometers on Friday, meetings, scanning forms, e mails, all awaiting replies! Up and down for finally the last message "it is a go".
I will need a few days to regroup, a few extra hours and many extra hugs from Spirit. I realized that we have ridden 4 miles in two months. I must say and admit to the fact of truly enjoying my Friend’s Home. Their incredible Hospitality, food, company and help. Karen, Udo, Christoph and Lydia. Thank You my Friends, this would have not happened without you.
Ara and Spirit