Paragraphs of Daily Thoughts and much Mental Therapy. Photos. Sometimes Videos. Published Weekly or so.
“I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers.”
~ Khalil Gibran ~
A responsibility has always been present. The one with Lance evaporated 10 years ago. My Mother’s remained. She had come around these past years regarding my path chosen realizing no words was going to cancel our ongoing pursuit of the road. Her realization came upon the fact and knowledge that I always felt responsible of my own actions toward much respect of her wishes including some destinations. She felt the change within my Soul in this climb I have enterprised with Spirit. Mother, best Friend, it has been a Gift as I am thankful for the memories.
Today, I am back in Munich, unlocking and opening the door, turning that tumbler she has done thousands of times to this now empty apartment, personal belongings gone from the last time here, I also feel the vanished past responsibilities. Odd, strange, Life changing for sure. The grieving stages are taking place in steps discovered one at the time. Both flights from Colorado Springs to Atlanta and then on to Munich were unpleasant and uncomfortable ones. The last leg of close to ten hours specially. It is now a Holiday on this Monday giving me the opportunity to sleep, at the same time it is only leaving nine business days to accomplish what probably will not happen besides liquidating the apartment. I still don’t understand the "why’s" of the laws here trying to retrieve documentation which has no bearing toward the release of ashes of a departed one. Nothing is making any sense yet again I feel fortunate having a very good International Laws Attorney for this matter. Nine business days. Edit: it is now eight as also next Thursday is another Holiday.
I am uptight, the reality teases me, makes me wonder about it’s truth as almost blindly I am following the needed steps. I feel as the Journey has stopped. It has changed stage. I miss the empty spaces where our tent would look upon the vestige of past civilizations, geological enigmas, maybe even at this time of the year hidden under some shade of a forest welcoming us with a Peace and quietness only listening to a wildlife playing their own music of the moment. I miss Spirit as if another part of me is no more. I know this too shall pass and the upcoming nights and days will give me the chance to truly mourn this passing on, this new so unexpected milestone and move on to live with memories free for the taking and not times as now awaiting for a release. It is called closure.
There are no more phone calls, there is no more wondering what "she is" wondering. There is no more planning a day with a connection to have the ability to communicate. All is now gone and in a sense a freedom so ill has replaced such thoughts. The path is now Spirit and I into eternity, any place, anywhere, any time, lost or not it does not anymore matter. So many would jump on the chance to come to Germany. I only wish I was not here. Not for such occasion when none truly depends on me and time is spend waiting, paperwork and more waiting. In a sense I think it is called “job security”.
It is early in the day now. My hours this time around are mixed up. I was looking at my clock on my phone to know what time it is back Home and I found it to be too confusing. I wake up often in the middle of the night, drenched from a dream I don’t remember sometimes darkness surrounding me, sometimes it is the sunrise I can barely see through the roofs as I start hearing the local bus doing his rounds taking the hundreds to their work. Luckily bicycles don’t make noise as them, little ants on the streets when watched from here on the third floor buzzing around the block amazingly without a casualty through this intersection with no light.
The dim bulb lit up finally this morning through a true Bureaucratic miracle. My Mother’s ashes will be handed to me on the airplane when I leave for the trek back on June First. It will be her last Journey back to the USA and will rejoin Lance at "The Oasis". I can hardly believe the turn of events considering the complexity of the documentations which were needed. I know my Attorney here played nice with the Registrar’s Office establishing a kind of a personal relationship making them understand the situation. And it paid off. I haven’t lost a single hour throughout these "business days" pounding the pavement and the many phone calls toward a forward momentum. Another odd sensation as a closure approaches, as Spirit and I will again adapt toward a past stage so familiar and yet missing another relationship.
Don’t hold on to those thoughts. So I just learned a painful lesson to not count on anything till in hands. All has again derailed and I have had to postpone my return by another week. June 8ht. One more document asked at the last minute. I just could not believe it yet it is the definition of such Bureaucracy. 2 more weeks now. I almost gave up Friday. Finally put myself together with acceptance of the situation. Cannot fight it. This is how it goes. I have been lucky however to meet some new Friends who live about one hour from Munich where I went and spend the weekend. Wonderful Family. Karen, Udo, their Children Lydia and Stephan. I will be spending the last week with them as the apartment here is up on June 1st.
They are riders also with many Friends in common. They come to the United States in July and hopefully will meet on more common grounds again by then for more cooking and riding. It has been nice being away from here and moving on the mind onto another stage with an easier acceptance of the present situation. Spirit will have to wait two more weeks instead of one. Such will be the limit. If I have to come back a third time, well, I feel as "let it be". I cannot fight or make sense into this. We had a feast each night including food shopping in some incredible stores. We had laughs and conversations as if we had known each other for a lifetime. Maybe we have? I am now looking forward to next week.
An older video from the last time when visiting the “BMW/Rolls Royce” Museum in Munich.
Ara and Spirit