“Paragraphs of Daily thoughts, a bit of mental therapy, published weekly or so…”
"Dreams aren’t broken down here. They’re just walkin’ with a limp"
~ Tom Waits ~
It has been another week at "The Oasis" with a sore shoulder. Frustrating after 2 visits to the Doctor, a bit like living Life with the brakes on. No one knows what is wrong obviously, maybe a new Doctor is on the horizon. 110 miles round trip, that notion has also become painful. Of course there could be worse places to be, none better truly. Only the need for a solution is present as this has turned into a non sense event. Almost a farce going on two weeks. Has taken the wind out of my sails. And then the heat… We are so far south even the cold front barely touched us as myself more than ready with my cold weather gear. Amazing as the 10 days forecast is not showing any daytime temperatures under 90. I think it is, will be, that time to go and retrieve "Old Faithful" from Wyoming. Give her Life back. Will drive. My arm can just rest for then.
I have so much said "I have written it all so many times". There is a number that keeps popping up in constant fervor through this mind of mine I try to keep busy these past times. Unable to be busy has been the irony of this week. "35". October the 13th. Another Birthday for Lance. A young man now, he is. Grand Children would have been welcomed as I can see them with their black curly hair screaming and playing and the best of it all "loving". Maybe. Maybe not. The "fantasy" is mine. Isn’t it? That is one aspect of my freedom left, one facet I can draw and paint into it as my Heart desires. Yet, the paint dries too fast, shrivels and curls up and flies away with the slightest wind my conscientiousness creates when I see that blank again canvas.
What is there to say after all these years, all this time passed running around right and left, north and south, all filled with so many photos but none of him. What a process it has been to have only the ability to stand up and confront as such. So many moments have weakened me with the thoughts of only lifting my arms in submission and giving in into a stage where a dark corner takes up it’s scenes of a present which then would be the one of "giving up". It is Spirit and I though, we keep plowing into this Life shared by so many Friends who take on at times the reins to keep us going. The feeling does not change. Time has not healed the wound, it must be an exclusion maybe, I don’t really know as I yet have any answers.
I feel as I can get pulled into the comfort of "The Oasis" very easily lately. It is the space where everything stops. There is no outside as only inside plays the role for us without avenues bringing in any outdoor mishaps. It is not as living downtown for sure. The power comes from a solar system which is getting ancient and in need of replacing the batteries, the drinking water has to be hauled from Terlingua, 30 miles away, in 3 gallon jugs. The running water comes from the rain and my 300 gallon every day water tank [loaned by Paul and Voni truthfully…] is just about full. There is a small Honda 2000 generator for other chores and emergency, besides that with still much wood stored for outdoor cooking, one could comfortably blend in the nights and days present rolling ever so smoothly.
A shot of cortisone in my shoulder yesterday is seemingly repairing the damage and riding today against the wind, which is always a battle, allowed less pain present. Tomorrow is a quick round trip to to the local Ural Dealer “Wildfire” in Lubbock to install a 46 liter Givi bag much needed for our excursions. I almost forgot to mention also the propane needed here to be hauled from Terlingua. It would be an easy winter to just lay back and watch the cycle of such season go by.
But I cannot. It is not in me yet to take deep roots. We need to go to Wyoming and bring back "Old Faithful" here. She is a great tourer versus "Crusty" which outperforms her off road. My passion surfaces. The long lost roads I try to find and now all geared up and set up with our Hilleberg tent and more. Away, out there, in the land of nothingness is where I find so much to fill my needs. It is a bit like the challenge to find other "kind of" spaces as here. They are getting harder and harder to find and reach.
There is a community out here though as I stopped at the Porch on our way to Lajitas for an Art Show. People were standing up and shaking my hand and asking when we had returned as obviously this has become a bit more than "Home Base"… It is a "Home". Many "Welcome back" heard. It is a feel good sensation I must say to belong somewhere and not just be an outsider visiting "their" space. And what better area than Big Bend National Park, State Park, Terlingua, Big Bend Flats where "The Oasis" is present. And then more of the little towns such as Marfa, Alpine, Marathon and Fort Davis. There cannot be boredom around here as the area is now also on the map getting more and more visitors. Specially motorcycles.
35. October the 13th. "The Oasis". Another Day so always exclusive. Besides because of my shoulder’s pain coming back with a vengeance at times, I know I have been hanging around here awaiting that day. I like being here on such days. It is a Peaceful Stage with no interruptions of thoughts, of my Dreams and my Memories that I cherish so much since only they are the ones left. It is just me too often trying to escape the "moment" as I should not be doing so. Is it truly just the "moment" or is it more?
The skies turned eerie tonight on the Eve of Lance’s Birthday. Yet, there was a rainbow. Lightning turned this Desert into daylight flashing the already soaked grounds and the shadows of the creosotes so profoundly made their image with such contrasted darkness that no such sight was seen at anytime earlier. The air itself in waves rumbled like two armies facing each other for a battle to the end. It did not stop as the earth itself was shaking from such madness I thought. Silence suddenly prevailed, yet one more canon had to reply toward it’s adversary, and another one, and another one as now the drops of rain turned into loose bullets as being caught in a cross fire. What a show, what a design, right here as never before. Surrounded we were, there was no escape at this time of the night. Maybe only "Crusty" could through my man made escape route. And then where?
What an incredible entrance to tomorrow this is. There was no need for such a reminder my Love one. I am with you every day and every moment even when you might think I am not because I have learned to smile and even laugh. That is what you would have wanted me to be as such. Right? It is as if I make it through this admirable show of forces, I can make it through anything else. I have, we have for the past 6 years. Up and down, any which way I could, the constant flow of the letters of your sweet name have never left my Soul. What is in store for us? Or do I really want to know?
A 2013 Calendar. 12 of my favorite Photos, 11” x 17”. They can be ordered with this link from LuLu. These below are some of the Photos included… Thank You and Enjoy.
Ara and Spirit