“My Personal Daily Therapy, published Weekly or so…”
“If you didn’t know when you were born, how old would you be?”
~ Unknown Author ~
Music by “Michael Franks” from his Album “Barefoot on the Beach”. “Like Moon Behind a Cloud”.
We are in Salem waiting for the shop to open. Minor adjustments. Plain, WA, is behind us already a bit over 300 miles away. Coaching two lunches and three dinners has left me with some thoughts for sure. More thoughts tonight while we are camping at Wal-Mart’s parking lot. I want to start early, Raceway is only a couple miles from here, be done and go and get lost most likely by Crater Lake and the surrounding areas. I wanted to experience this Urban camping as now late in the night I know it will be a one time "thing". It is nighttime and the lights are playing a daytime tune. There is a beggar I am watching on the corner by the exit of the parking lot, he has a little dog tied to a post in plain vision, him and two others are working in shifts smoking $8 a pack or more cigarettes. A woman showed up out of nowhere with a pizza as together they sat and ate. She left and he went back to work. I wonder how much they make per day. Probably more than I do with my Social Security income tagged on at a fixed rate while all else is showing the number of an inflation never hidden.
A couple vans showed up, a hatchback discolored car with so much belonging the rear had it’s mouth open only held by a rope like a fish swimming backwards gasping for air. They must all know each other or maybe not. Maybe only following the code of homeless in group chatting the latest. I was going to join them but changed my mind. As much as my clothes are torn and covered with dirt I would still stand out amongst them. Sherpa gives it away. The complete set up with the trailer and Terra Explorer does not blend me amongst them. The vibes are tight. My mind is stopping it’s wandering only a few feet away. The noises do not stop as the cars boom boxes are defibrillating my pulse. The smells of fried processed food from a Panda Express across the street lingers into the car nauseating me. Spirit has been on the alert. I feel safe and yet would feel even safer amongst the bears and the coyotes. He is always on the alert. He was the whole time in Plain and I do not correct that aspect even when in an environment where he does not need to be. How can one explain him when all is fine and when it is not? I let him be his own judge.
A couple expensive RV’s have now pulled in the neighborhood. They are roughing it. Their slide outs are only open halfway and all the shades including their giant windshield are down and disregarding us, all of us neighbors for the night. Their generators are blasting away while I can decipher the moving light flickers of a television. I wonder how safe "they" feel. They are locked up from this real World. They are missing out on the sights and the smells of this stage worth if only once "the experience". On to sleep. Spirit will wake me up if anything….
The other side of the coin. Salem is behind us. Oil changes, a couple brackets for my camera case, more tutorials. The simplicity of Terra Explorer’s mechanical aspect amazes me and takes me back to the days when BMW’s were called "air heads" and I knew how to take a carburetor apart. This is like going back to school and all is slowly coming to mind. We are near by the Cascade Scenic route, we rode a few narrow trails without any apprehension in case we had to turn around (we have reverse and it works very well!). I do not go riding such trails for their difficult terrain but to reach some scenic stages… which we have not this time around.
It is official. Forests and mosquitoes do not attract me anymore. It is not the first time I feel as such. The only reason we are here is the elevation, barely 5000 feet as all now looks the same trees after trees. I think it all started with one and on they have cloned themselves to identical millions. I am starting to feel as walls are closing in on me. I miss the Desert. Such a shame the temperatures are so high when one can look as far as their eyes can reach opening up their souls. Nature can be so harsh. So difficult and sometimes so painful to put up with. Herds of mosquitoes were on the assault. One night only and we are on the move again. A little further, a little more south and we arrived at Crater Lake. Impressive, not too crowded. No primitive camping allowed. I cannot pass it up as also no trail to ride on. I settled for a tent only campsite called Lost Creek a few miles before reaching the Pinnacles Look Out. The camping is a compromise. The mosquitoes are lighter here, our Redverz tent is up, I feel fortunate we have it as I use it for a sitting area all panels open and both of us protected from bites with the screens up.
All is dead calm this morning in the forest. I feel it friendly today. The sun is slowly glancing through the branches and the trunks warming up the tent which has front row seat. Just luck. Fingers are thawing, I did not want to leave the sleeping bag and at the same time not wanting to miss act one, scene one of this day. It’s moments. I am finally feeling more balanced today. Life can be even when so simple be so complex. I felt these past days paying interest on a sum of worries not due while not pegged to a present moment ahead of myself into an unknown which has not happened yet. Ground yourself I told this wandering mind. “Trying” my reply has been. “Try harder” as I woke up with the most pleasant dream I have ever had. I was holding this little ball of flesh with his eyes open with the trust of his body given to me. Lance was warm and calm and soothing. I did not want to let go as also while awaken I did not want to loose the warming me up all over mind and soul. Bouncing between the certitude of a present reality and the veil of only a dream I smiled for minutes on end realizing dreams can be so real and comforting. “I did not want to let go” as I tucked back my own head into the warmth of my sleeping bag imploring Life to make it a reality today, now, and allow me to live transported back throughout those past times.
And I asked myself as so fully awaken now, what would be wrong by living a dream? My own World has already distanced so much from what so many can consider a mainstream living. The spaces found to spend our own quiet times can easily take me into that stage where all alone my fantasy of a Son still alive can take place and remain. I started thinking what has lead to this on this morning which is not as any other morning? I knew the answer. While waiting in line yesterday for some fuel, ahead of me the rear of a truck had this large decal "In Memory of Jason…". An attractive young Lady stepped down and as she turned around, her back, her whole back as she was wearing a halter top, was a large tattoo very ornate "In Loving Memory of Jason …". I normally would not take this step and I don’t know what prompted me to ask her "who was Jason?". I guess I felt the vibes were conducive to ask such a bold question. "Jason" was the Man of her Life taken away at 26, the same age as Lance.
She went on expressing her Love for this man. All his attributes, his teachings of Life, about Life and more importantly how to this day his company was present every moment of her own Life and how she still lived with him. We talked for a while as my Heart felt the warmth of her loneliness and trust. We talked about Lance, we talked about the priorities suddenly being expressed toward the both of us. We hugged, we wished each other well. We departed. She remained in my mind, one Soul alike with such an incredible tribute toward our loved ones. I think she created my morning Dream, my own realization of the certitude that I can myself live the moment with the past ones embedded forever "now".
Hesitations are a daily part of my Life. It is Human nature to feel as such. Tip toing at times not too sure of the path which becomes part of the adventure itself. What am I doing? Is this right or wrong? Is there even a right or a wrong? What is this day going to bring? How can I be stronger and survive the emptiness of a wanted hug? Maybe this person I heard a while back expressing the fact that questions do bring answers which only bring on more questions had a point? Maybe?
Today went by easy riding around, even getting out of Crater Lake and trying out some unpaved a bit rough trails going here and there with not much of a destination. My trust in Terra Explorer is growing, there is a confidence taking place, some aspects are becoming familiar. I feel as she is an old Soul reborn to take us where we have not been able to go previously. The progress is slow, it will take some time for the relationship to grow.
We are now in Mt Shasta. Mother Nature has been so generous and so overwhelming with her Sunset and Sunrise I only sat and contemplated what is ahead of us. There was no need to write.
I have been Dreaming.
In my effort to stay on the road “we” now have a T Shirt and Merchandise store. I think you will like it: “Spirited Oasis”
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Stay well… Ara and Spirit