“My Personal Daily Therapy, published Weekly or so…”
When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill;
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.
Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit-
It’s when things go wrong that you must not quit.
"Don’t Quit," Author Unknown
“I’ve Got Dreams to Remember”, always…. “Otis Redding”.
I surprised myself this week. I found the days being too vulnerable as I was myself more than ever because of "Old Faithful" not present. What happened to my strength? The logic of it all? Remainders of past programming still lingering? Most likely I have to confront. All is well, all is better than ever. Considering. New used engine on it’s way, a gem in itself, 2 years newer, 200,000 less miles. A great Dealership with their best mechanic on it. The bill will be paid even if against my own Life’s policy to be in this instance borrowing… Not a good fact but will manage. I hope. I just don’t do well with "missing". Only a handful of Friends have understood what it is to miss a "machine" as by popular definition, but is not. She has been part of our little Family for so long now as I must say she has worked the hardest moving us through the miles and more miles.
Spirit by me always. Have I not learned enough from him? Obviously not. He lingers within those moments of Life so present to him as they should be for me but sometimes are not. I have been disappointed with myself these past days and only now feeling as coming through with the scales a bit more even. My attention has to shift toward leaving here, this space we will not be back for quite a while. Starting to make a new map of all our "stuff" in that little black book of mine not relying on a computer process. How many time have I done that? I should by now know it all "eyes closed" as they say, but that game is on continuously.
Bumps in the road! on the road. They will always be there. A positive outlook has always helped. The "good people" met always have also. We are on our way to discover a bit more of New Mexico while we hover around Albuquerque. There will be some time spend in the shop while putting the car back together and going over the intricacies of "Old Faithful". She has many custom designs built up and added over the years.
There is a new chapter beginning. There must be one every day I believe, lessons learned are so endless. I have been on the Internet a lot since just for now the two of us. I have mixed feelings about what we are doing. Not so much what we are doing but how and it’s ramifications. I find myself being too external toward the finances this path necessitates. And yet, I have to be. What was I thinking when opening the "One~Pan Recipe" store? There are millions of them out there. For free. Probably as simple, as good. More successful. What was I thinking when opening a merchandise store? There are also millions of T Shirts and coasters and mouse pads out there. I am pretty much laughing at myself at the moment. I see the amount of visitors with no sales by the end of each day, none of that fuel money I thought would make it’s way into the tank.
And so what? I murmur to myself maybe a bit too loud. Give us a patch of dirt, a bit of scenery and their roads, some water and a bit of food and we have everything else. All is so much within. I don’t want to be the one under the awning with a big smile pushing such merchandise. I cannot. It is not my objective or desire or ability for that matter. It is however a balancing act. The demands versus the needs which are so minimal. We can always go behind that "boulder" and stay covered and well shaded from all these trials and tribulations. There is an aspect of this stage so few have experienced. I don’t think I have even through from all these pages past and present have had the ability to express it’s stature. It is a bit of the infinite separation from everything else that crowds us. They are the spaces where money has no value. It is that shade which is "IT", plain and simple with no intersections and no stop signs.
Suddenly I am aware more than ever that we are not coming back here for a long long time. Months it will be. We did not spend much time here this winter. It has become harder and harder for me to stay in one place and wishing a bit this would change. I have to take it one day at the time as this piece of land will always be here when some down time becomes a demand. It is always so serene and so calm. There are no forces from the outside World that makes their way in. Never. It is the dark nights here while laying down and looking at the stars almost as if myself was "up there" in space, way far away within this Universe we too often have no comprehension of it what so ever.
I changed my mind about leaving tonight. Early morning it is going to be. I am dragging. Little bit at the time that "stuff" is making it’s way into the boxes which will travel with "Sherpa" to eventually pick up "Old Faithful". I am a bit ahead of myself already feeling our reunion. How lucky we are really I am thinking. We would have had to stay in Albuquerque all this time otherwise. Just waiting.
We are gone. It seems as winter fast forwarded onto summer. I forgot how long the days now are as we found a nice secluded campsite in "Valley of Fire", New Mexico, not Nevada. Spirit is suddenly uncertain today as he is incessantly moving with me. Sometimes I feel as being at "The Oasis" is not being on the road. It probably is the major reason we have not spend much time there this year. I know it is. I am tasting the road today. That feeling when we don’t quite know where a new stage is going to harbor us. For a day, a week… who knows.
The scenery is beautiful. The space is filled with a ground of lava rocks. Everywhere. Cacti are have sprouted from the crevasses. They stand in the Sun’s glare like little soldiers some at ease and some at attention. The clouds as I like them are of many. It is yet too early for a hike. Mother Nature is working hard today on her canvas. Maybe we should go on to the crest and have a front row seat.
I feel better today. If "Old Faithful" is not ready Saturday, so be it. It will be next week. Yet my guts tighten to that thought. I call it self induced pain. Patience is one of my virtues. Does not seem to apply however in this situation.
Best night sleep ever. Feel so rested. We belong to the road as others belong to their home. I would call it "tragicomedy" morning though. My camp stove which I was cleaning a week ago is missing a piece. Yellow flames only is all being spit out. No coffee this morning. No breakfast. We have to leave the Park, Carrizozo here we are. The coffee is not too bad as I also treat myself to some mini cinnamon rolls which come in this little cup with it’s transparent plastic lid. Inviting they were, stale they turn out to be. I am sitting by the classic red Formica table on this yellow same material bench listening to the locals.
It is all about the REO concert they all went to experience a few nights ago in Albuquerque. "They are still hot… how about the drummer? Must be in his seventies but he was rocking with his fluffy long hair…". The would words linger, the sighs I hear. They are giggling. This is a one traffic light little town. This will go on for a while. We better go. Yet, I like Carrizozo. A lot. There will be more photos of this town. Friendly. We now might have to go on to Albuquerque to find a part and come back. It is too soon to be there yet. Where was plan B? Life on the Road!
In my effort to stay on the road “we” now have a T Shirt and Merchandise store. I think you will like it. “SpiritedOasis”
“Smugmug” for Photos and Digital downloads.
The recipes are on the “One~Pan Recipe” section.
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Be well… Always.
Ara and Spirit