“My Personal Daily Therapy, published Weekly or so…”
"When you have lost someone close to you, and friends try to comfort you in your grief, you know–but they don’t– that what you are experiencing is beyond grief. You sense in your body and in the fullness of your emotion a great rupture in the world you have known, and irrevocable emptiness that is not just to be felt but completely absorbed if you are to go on. A genuine dark night of the soul takes you to this crossroad, this "bardo" place, where you have an opportunity, extremely hard won, to live in a “different world”."
~ Thomas Moore ~ [Dark Nights of the Soul]
Beautiful Song by “Amanda Marshal” called “Last Exit to Eden”. Send by Jayni. Thank You and others, please share the ones that move you, the ones that rest close to your Heart. Use the above “Email me”.
I am promising myself to stop taking Sunset Photography. Yet, every day here stormy… I cannot help it! These are the roads we travel on. This is our neighborhood for a few more days. Above is
“211 South Enterprise Road”. I call it “The Oasis Road”.
Late at The Oasis, yes, in my “different World”. Pulled up a chair, westbound. The sliver of the Moon and it’s neighbors are slowly preparing themselves to drop behind the horizon leaving me soon in total darkness. It will not be for long as the blanket of Stars and the Milky Way will exchange seats. The sound of the wind, my only visitor, is undulating it’s notes and it’s freshness cooling off my arms and face is a welcome reprise from the heat of the day. As always when the days are longer, my times awaken and asleep are bouncing against each other. The hours escape, the days run away. It such is my World.
This quote above from “Thomas Moore” are words which these past recent times have appeased me. I know this is a milestone throughout these past 8 years. An open door I am flying through. They are the first expressions of grief which have made any sense to me. It is indeed a “hard won World”, but I now realize and do believe it is mine and only mine. It’s difficulties do not matter, it is it’s space that always did as I always tried to leave that door open and let the other World in and mingle, and blend. That door is still open and always will remain as such, but today, for the very first time… yes, the very first time, it is OK for me to be in my World. I feel relieved. There is so much understanding in this Book as I am feeling it has been written for me. From the beginning to it’s end as my beginning which yet has no end.
I never believe in coincidences. I never believed that our Journey to Death Valley was of only of a "touristic" one. It takes a long time sometimes for the answers to materialize and sharpen. And then again, what is time? Specially "our time", "your time"? when millions of years are behind us and maybe more millions ahead of us as we are such a minute slice of it all. I met a new Friend in Death Valley and she guided me on this stage written by “Thomas Moore”, a Man who understands my different World which in turn helps me understand the present moments. Yes, these present moments are indeed very "extremely hard won". But we are “making it”, we have. Always never giving up and turning into expressing such path either through my own personal words, photography, Friends, a live Clown that lives with me, “Old Faithful” with all her miles and so much more that has enriched us.
Strange person sometimes I think I might be. This space runs a stream through my Soul bouncing back and forth on a wandering mind. What a ride report this is! Do we have to be as they say (who?) a certain way? I have wrongly felt often as I needed to be as such; as away from it all we are often. That is when Life’s core looses it’s sense. What sense? We all have the freedom of our path, yet, do we truly? Another evening laying under the Stars, the weather is mild, the moon is still hiding, the skies are talking back so strongly into the chapters of a present Life trying to edit it’s content. I don’t know how my Story would unravel without Spirit. I don’t know what the present reality would be without my circle of Friends. A formidable daily and nightly battle I would think and know as such rules would then not be present. Wandering mind.
Mindless thoughts maybe, yet, the cover bound has Lance’s own Soul keeping the pages together. They are my pages, they are our pages, they are my Dear Friends also pages which I share with. They form this open book troubling at times, softer as murmuring clouds at other times. The colors change and so do the fonts and why cannot they just be one and one only. The story becomes intricate as the rainbow turns itself upside down dropping on my shoulders expecting their alteration with a perfect previous harmony. Is any of this makes any sense? My expression is so poor and so complex to my own reading sometimes.
The dark blanket above me so delicately painted and spotted kept me up late. It means I am awaken by the Sun rays already bouncing and giving out some much needed warmth. It will be hot soon. Again. Spirit does not mind. He has not smelled the coffee yet and so he knows it is not time to get up for his run, a bit of hiking and some playing. Smiles all around always. That is what he gives me, unconditionally. Another day, a fresh one suddenly so filled from yesterday’s thoughts or maybe just not quite edited yet as the lines loose a bit of their comprehension at this time. It is as the path divides itself. One is faster always than the other. I wait for them to merge and catch my breath. Sometimes they collide and at times they flow with this smoothness I cherish. What will it be today?
I feel like seeing water. Really seeing it instead of just feeling it and hearing it flow through only my mind. I am throwing a few things together and will head out to the Rio Grande River. I don’t even know if there is water running. There must me, I hope so. We have just arrived, why do I want to go so soon? Some bags are not even open yet! Am I again running away from what must be? I am not anymore, I only want to feel and experience the many footprints we both will leave. Always wondering the "must be", so much as I have a developed a great ability to postpone and overlook the remaining aspects of a a previous Life when "must be’s" where truly a must. Cannot I be spoiled and only take care of my own inner desires and emotions. Cannot I just discover the right space for the right moment to let in so delicately the past years remembered of my Love one now away on a path with no loops yet similar to mine as some day I know I will again join him. Of course I can and of course I will. That is my Faith in Life.
I am only a bit behind often I feel and think. In the meantime, here we are. The man getting older and his Dog always by his side, both so attached to each other. Such two as one always. Yes, in the meantime here we are. Forward, discovering, experiencing, seeing, smelling, feeling, all ten fold from what it was, every day as all the senses sharpening while thinking how far more can this take us? That is the "must" throughout my Life. It is a needed commitment, it is an obligation wanting for us to keep our heads above waters, such masses so stormy at times and so calm at other times. There is no choice, it is the prerequisite of the forward motion we have been on and now understanding that as, yes, my World being of a different one, it is "my World" as much as I share it on these open pages.
"Extremely hard won", Thomas Moore writes and denounces so much more I will write about as I have been miraculously on the right path. A new door I feel, a new “Journey” has just began.
In my effort to stay on the road “we” now have a T Shirt and Merchandise store. I think you will like it. “SpiritedOasis.”
“Smugmug” for Photos and Digital downloads.
The recipes are on the “One~Pan Recipe” section.
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You all, always be well.
Ara and Spirit