“My Personal Daily Therapy, published Weekly or so…”
“What Day is it?”… ‘TODAY’
”What Time is it?”… ‘NOW’
~ Spirit ~
“Wasted Years”… ‘Van Morrison’ and ‘John Lee Hooker’, an unforgettable duo.
“I gave my Life to You". I am listening to a song titled as such this morning. We are stopped at Daylight Pass. This "is" my Diary. Isn’t? What an irony. The "Pass" that is. I feel as it should be named the "Nighttime Pass". I sense the puppet within me being pulled every which way. A worthless figurine throughout these acres of desolation. One day sunny and one day stormy. It is tempestuous this morning. The storm is within. Tired. Lance is in front of me standing on this peak and the hug is not manifesting. I should be "happy", clouds are back, the skies are beautiful. But what is that word? "Happy"? A immutable tear is flowing down one cheek. I am wondering too much. I am inquisitive as to who really cares? If anyone. My Friends must be so tired of my own feelings. Maybe alone too much. So many maybes I just want to walk away and never come back. Death Valley has taken me back to my roots. They don’t feel so pretty. A bad morning. I loose the battle sometimes.
Being "Human" is not easy. Of course and yet, I am surprised being so tired. I really just want to sleep. Maybe we have been riding too much. Maybe the past is too much. Maybe "too much" is "too much". I apperceive it is and there is nothing I can do about it. Right now anyhow, at this very moment. At the end of the day it is always the same. The morning comes and again it is also the same. Why did my Boy had to leave? Nothing fair about it all. No one said Life was going to be fair. I am well aware of it. Matters of the Heart. Painful and more. A daily struggle, never quits. Wish it would, just for a while. Endless road.
Morning again did come and our Mistress did not give me any time to think or feel. Bad weather. Real bad winds, some clocked at 83 mph. Caught on “Warm Springs Road”. The sand blasted on the paths as giant snakes moving across from one shoulder to the other. Visibility came down to a few feet and my arms felt all torn up only a few miles into the ride trying to get to some elevation. It did not happen. I had to turn around off "West Side Rd" and fight back the miles to finally end up in Beatty and rent a room for the night. I am a bit unhappy with myself getting caught in such weather as I had total acknowledgment of it. In black and white it did say "winds up to 60 mph". Yet I looked at the map and the red flag warnings continued on all the way to Texas. For once, we had nowhere to hide. The wind was not the problem, the incoming cold front neither, the sand blasting was. These are the times the camera will not come out of the bag!
I feel stagnant. I should just enjoy this austere and cold room while able to look at some photos taken in days past. The weather is a bit more on the positive side today. Should we try to get back into the Park or head to Texas? Or drop south a bit and then on head East. We need to be back by the end of the month. I am wondering how "The Oasis" is doing? How "Bird" is managing without those bread crumbs daily dropped on his ground we now share. I look at Spirit while he is sprawled on the bed since last night and I know too well I should follow his example. So much in the moment he is, so much he helps me. My "Rock"! My body feels broken from yesterday’s struggle. I am not old, yet, I am not young either. The toll is being felt stronger and stronger as the years go by.
Death Valley pulled me right back in like an addiction penetrating my Soul. I could not turn around and head out East yet. Too much still to see and feel, knowing too well a Lifetime amongst these acres as the many other spaces we have at times taken roots will not be enough. Just a bit more of it’s taste I need while the winds died down and now again the blend blue skies at times harvested by some clouds have come back with a heat as never felt before this time of the year.
Change of motion. On a mission suddenly. Yesterday end up being an all day affair in Lone Pine looking for a Clinic. A painful ear infection has been brewing. I understand now of my tiredness and lack of energy compounded by this past storm. A little Pharmacy had the medication needed written on those two scripts tagged by California prices with a 15% surcharge from the Dr’s visit because I am not a local resident. I was not going to argue. I just wanted the pain to go away and my body again falling back into it’s usual groove. The Pharmacist was kind. He changed the medication to a generic one saving me big time. Life on the road. The unexpected sometimes comes into a package deal! What to do but only go with the flow and let time move on toward a better mental and physical health.
Monday will be it. Death Valley has taken on a new image for me. It’s taste has been acquired as I look forward to coming back. I have learned of so many new doable roads, so much ground where one can erase themselves for a while, technically till water runs out which however amazingly is never too far. Death Valley has become a Friend demanding much respect and some serious planning when off the beaten track, specially alone which seems as we are the only ones moving along as such.
The lines of reality have here become a blur. The world feels as all is only an illusion, a past stage where maybe all was just a bad dream. That is how today it feels. I don’t know if am ready for the return path wishing for this magic wand to instantly take us back to "The Oasis" where again my own reality will be present awaiting as it always has.
In my effort to stay on the road “we” now have a T Shirt and Merchandise store. I think you will like it. “SpiritedOasis.”
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Be well, always.
Ara and Spirit