“My Personal Daily Therapy, published Weekly or so…”
"Two trains passing each other in the dark, their headlights on high beams scanning, searching, wind pool, the ground and Life itself shakes. Soon the silence recaptures the stage present, the sparks no more glow on the rails, all again is quiet. The smell of metal to metal dissipates. Maybe another time, another space, maybe they will stop? Maybe… Some day?"
It was a couple rough days. January takes me on that path. The one I relive from 8 years past. The last days of Lance’s loss as I have come to terms with myself, this has been his loss as much as mine. Maybe more. There is no price tag stapled, there are no apples and oranges to compare, it is all within, we are both up and going together even if the physical entities do not match. A relapse, mine, the Human kind, what else is there? Two Dear Friends wrote to me yesterday, a couple more today, what a great uplift. They shared their own obstacles of Life. They opened up as never before as I now felt their own space and could communicate. I feel often selfish as yet my imposition is on no one but myself. The days past went on hazy, as fog had taken place on this stage replacing the beautiful weather we have presently. Short sleeve T Shirt after high noon. I only realized it a while ago when I emerged from it all and went on step by step confronting again this present with a due Gratitude and a ride throughout Big Bend Park at first stopping in Terlingua where always a surprise photo or two awaits.
What an incredible battle. These are the moments which at times make me feel so old, so slow, owing time while wondering which way is this all taking me. Feeling too much, thinking too much. Time to be awaken. Diversion is good. Mother Nature heals and so does the roads ahead. Change of plans, not a surprise from past experiences. My Mother decided to not come to Naples, FL, till October. No reason now for us to go East and put on an incredible mileage. We will head West for a while without much of a destination. New Mexico? Curious about Bisti which is BLM land. I have seen photos and they are mesmerizing. Push a bit further? Who knows. We are equipped for the cold, I am actually wanting to camp on the snow… and probably wish then it would be warmer! I don’t this this is going to be my smartest decision. So we are getting ready. An oil change, a new speedometer cable, rear brake pads park plugs and a rear tire. I should be able to handle it all in one day’s time. I am slow when it comes to mechanical doings.
Emerge… keep emerging… Every morning these past days I have seen a shooting Star on my first glimpse out of darkness. Wishes are made, thoughts take place, a smile forms and I hear "it’s all good". It has to be, effort is placed, one step at the time, going up right now. The elevator should not have too many more stops. I cannot help suddenly being excited about the snow I am envisioning. "Sherpa" will get us there safely and "Old Faithful" will take us around while there with much desires after riding on a trailer to point "mystery".
I know and feel my words in recent past as in "previous entry" might have been strong, or wide open to a mind here which incessantly travels even when still. It has generated a flow of words from Friends which had never as such before spoken. I felt "honored", I felt… the word escapes me, it is "good", I felt "trustworthy" of being the recipient of their own feelings as so many are of my own even if so I write for my companion "The Journal". Yes, I am happy about that, I did not expect such outpour. It is as so many now are on this stage all together as it does not matter if physically we are or not as if a curtain has been raised and here we all are conversing with our Hearts wide open.
Magic was yesterday as the skies filled with clouds moving fast and the Sun in full dress playing the lights with welcomed notes. Into the Park, "Big Bend Park", always the refuge for the mind and the Soul. The serene and quiet and such vast space always welcoming, always filled with more surprises regardless how many times we have been there. Down this road and up that road catching the hills at times shaded and other times illuminated by the end of the day with their golden glow only lasting minutes. The "golden hour" they call it, the hour to reminisce on the day as having waited for such a Gift it was, yesterday.
There is a strong anticipation about our moving on. Winter times, cold, lets go and meet the snow, lets change the vision, lets sharpen the senses. Lets have some adventures for the soul as all is so related. I look at the map and realize that Bisti is way North. How cold will it be? I feel it, already. There are many other spaces and I know will be laid out ahead of us. Or a right or a left. The road is always crooked. We like it that way…
Till next time…
Be well, Ara and Spirit