“My Personal Daily Therapy, published Weekly or so…”
“Pride and self-confidence grew continually stronger in him; he was becoming a different man every moment. What was it had happened to work this revolution in him? He did not know himself; like a man catching at a straw, he suddenly felt that he, too, ‘could live, that there was still Life for him, that his Life had not died…’.”
~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky ~ “Crime and Punishment”
“Van Morrison”, a Legend in his own rights also a great Saxophonist as in his Album “Poetic Champions Compose”. This is called “Allow me”. Fitting.
I have been very much into the “black and white” photography space lately, yet I feel it is indeed colorful… Some are new, some are from a recent past. Yes, they each have their story within their moment. Maybe some day? Around a campfire?
Third day the skies have closed in on us. Seems as the hanging low dark and gray clouds have followed from Austin. Sorry "City", nothing personal. A cold and a cough and a sore throat now have taken possession infringing on my mind and in reality giving it a break from any thoughts. Kind of nice actually as a forced mental vacation toward anything also physical that needs to get done around here. Like unpacking, changing oil and a tire… all can wait as only reading, sleeping and trying to eat is taking place. My long walks with Spirit have been curtailed. I know he understands. He understands everything about this Life of ours, it is him fully always here with his wagging tail. I am so fortunate.
It is truly a mindful break as thinking starts and goes nowhere as there is nowhere to go and if there is, there is a halt in this process which was so fluid just a few days ago. I look forward to sleeping. How much can someone sleep? Managed to watch a brainless Movie a while ago which I cannot now even remember it’s name. I think it was a good prescription to escape such present conditions. It was as looking in this strange World through this window unlatched I could open. More low clouds made Nine Points look as it was wearing a hat, one constantly changing the form of it’s brim. I took one picture. That was that and laid down again, not much strength is left.
Beautiful Mother Nature always even if hiding the Sun from us. Then I read some more. My attention span is also short and to make the matters sometimes better and sometimes worse, it is Christmas week. And we are alone. I try so hard but the joys of the past are just not present. Moments come in waves as sometimes I imagine myself into another space, this present one which I try to hold on to, one that has stored everything everyone has lost. It is a huge shelter, a gigantic warehouse where everything and everyone from times past is and are here. I walk through it, the aisles, I am only looking for my Son. I have not found him yet, physically that is, but I am very close. Those times put a smile on my face. It is imagination but I believe in it, I know it is real and that is the only aspect that matters.
I lay down with Spirit. He is such a comfort with those imploring eyes looking at me. We have in winter times a different closeness from throughout the other seasons. It is more a closer one on one physical presence since the weather does not permit us to spend as much time outdoor. Lots of talking, scratching as he will never have enough of it, often both laying down playing with a stick I move around as he tries to put his paw on it but never does like a game he lets me win. We talk a lot, I think I do more than he does. He is such a softie, has such a heart, he is so unique and so tough all at the same time.
I have lately been glancing at many "ride reports" from all over the World. I ask him if he wants to go as my own desire is always there. I have even checked the rules of his own entry in many countries. It is not a big deal for the ones that do not enforce a quarantine. I watch some of the videos, places I myself have been in my youth while living in Europe, the itch is there and yet I also know they are hard times when such Life has such different customs, languages, safety zones so different from here.
I think about not being here in winter times. My projects are taking a certain shape as my Photo Galleries, this e-Store fueled by so many requests, I have even started writing a Fiction Book! It is so much fun to write fiction. Maybe because I have written too much of "reality". It is so amusing to have a character and have this character do everything I want him to do. I don’t know where it is going, I do know one thing certain, if ever published, it will have to be under an assumed name. So I do think going East, but I love this space we are now in… delirious I think I am getting. The thinking has to stop.
I can tell it is winter! Rambling to no end…. losing my footage at times. Give it a few days, feel better, let the Sun shine again, let this Christmas be once again lived with the good and plentiful memories of my times with Lance, then again I will think about all this….. or maybe not. In the meantime, there will be a nice campfire roaring, Spirit will be laying next to me, I will be looking at the Stars and wishing all my Friends, one by one because I do know them all, a very "Happy and Merry Christmas". They will hear me… as Lance will also. Who knows, I might even find him on this crowded stage where everything lost from the past comes here and eternally rests. Finally.
Till next time…
Be well, Ara and Spirit