"There is a spectacle more grand than the sea, more mysterious, and more infinite; it is heaven: there is a spectacle more grand than heaven; it is the inmost recesses of the Soul." ~ Victor Hugo ~
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters, compared to what lies within us.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~
The flats of Montana, Wyoming, the winds are blowing leaving all on a slant. I feel and see the Ancient Villages, the Children playing, the Women gathered around the fire cooking, the Men are in a circle talking, the horses are pounding the ground as for myself I go through this back door filled with memories as if I was present but was not. I stop feeling the wheels turning… I am transported when I hear this while riding.
”Wisdom” ~ Artists “Nawang Kerchog and R. Carlos Nakai”
"Mother Nature" today suddenly stood up with a big wave and woke me up. We had gone to Terlingua for water, beans and some groceries. The water (the free one) was closed, "Many Stones" were I wanted to buy those great "Anasazi" beans was closed, the chickens are not laying any eggs… Defeat, kind of, I thought. We shall go back. That is when the recollection made it’s mark. On the road, sighting what we had looked at a hundred times and more, but sometimes not seen. My share, my daily allotment of Nature had not been fulfilled, too wrapped up writing recipes, too much time in front of this screen. Too much. Falling into that depth of inactivity. In such a short time "chaos" entered through that door revolving always both ways, it has now taken it’s exit as time is truly all we have yet not to be abused as I feel I did. Was there a deadline I thought? or was it from the past path that feeling of accomplishment from those busy times “now” re-emerging?
The sky was on fire tonight as I sat with Spirit taking it all in. The arms of the glow reached me in depth to ground me. A message so distinct written in the spectrum of magentas ever so fully created. Look around, look around some more. The mountains and their tentacles of rocks cutting through the horizon, the silence I felt I had not heard for days on through a mind too busy, the first star in it’s evening birth bright as ever shining so new showing the path west. Just "being" I was, suddenly undisturbed by none. What a relief one can possess when being reached so strongly by the existing powers of Life, only if we allow it. Only if…
This morning we are finally experiencing the first cold front. Cold now meaning "comfortable", invigorating, making me feel alive again, energy flowing so fast and so present I don’t quite know what to do. This or that or what? Where do I start now able with such mental and physical freedom to roam on the outside without being beat by a past heat. Even Spirit amazed me this morning running in circles faster than ever in clouds of dust for every turn, yes, faster than ever as I think too often about the years that have passed for him yet never taking a toll as they do on me. Over seven now.
"Bird" himself is singing like never before. I am getting attached to that little creature! he is sitting on the edge of "Old Faithful’s" windshield right now and we are talking. The wind suddenly lifts him (her?) and he is pushed backwards, he corrects his path and gets in the "Green Giant". That is where he lives now during the day as I have to lock it at night. I leave him some bread crumbs often and in return he sings me those songs so pleasant to the ears. What an Island this is amongst the many we have landed on! It is ours to be, yet as the others, it is the one that is always raising such inner feelings of wanting to go when we are here bringing on such confusion at times only because my inner emotions always want to experience what is around that bend, the next one and the next one when the present one has been explored and felt and seen and taken all in as it is here. Have we really? Sometimes none of this makes any sense. Maybe it is not suppose to make any sense. Does it really matter?
The bread crumbs are already gone! Amazing. Perhaps it is the little things that amaze me, the aspects many do not pay attention to. Maybe he is on his way to a nest, "The Bird’s Oasis”. We all need one of those, I can only wish for everyone to have such a space. Their own to come back at times and find themselves again or maybe for the first time away from the traffic of the mind amongst an urban environment which is too much for. What a glorious weather today. Long sleeve T-shirt over a short sleeved one, so much forward momentum as at the same time I did not bring myself to do anything too constructive besides taking "Old Faithful" apart as two headlights out of seven have stopped working. Did not find the culprit. Put it all back together, another day. It is just one of those which makes me ask myself if I am delirious for wanting to leave. Probably am.
“If other people do not understand our behavior—so what? Their request that we must only do what they understand is an attempt to dictate to us. If this is being “asocial” or “irrational” in their eyes, so be it. Mostly they resent our freedom and our courage to be ourselves. We owe nobody an explanation or an accounting, as long as our acts do not hurt or infringe on them.” ~ Erich Fromm ~
What a day. I think I have already said that! How admirable all can be when one finds themselves again. Weather? Yes… Friends? Yes… writing to stay away from negativism send in words. I can only try to save us, Spirit and I. Never was anything else. My load is immense. I am not complaining, it is my reality I try to see clearly, sometimes and sometimes not. How can I see through murky waters of others as if and when I try, their own lights might not be on dimming my own. I can relate, I can feel their feel and yet I have no words of wisdom, only what I myself read or hear or figure out the hard way the reality needing to be present to go on and on.
Tonight again the Sunset was spectacular. There however is a sense of loneliness that descends at times. It is just Spirit and I. No voices here besides my own blabbing away to him, to a bird, it makes me wonder if sanity is till present or has it left me leaving me stunned as beauty that I see surrounding me is of them and Mother Nature toward who my "Thanks" never cease, as what would it all be without her? A blank stage for sure curtailing senses enriched daily and nightly as my sight has so much hunger toward it all. Sanity? what is that?
Till next time.
"I have been juggling my Book, my “one-pan recipes”, “Spirit” and myself and also Smugmug is starting to look good if I may say so myself with now 6 Galleries. There will be more, adding daily as I go through these past years photos…”
Take a look. “Smugmug” stands for quality. Thank you.
Be well, always.
Ara & Spirit