“My Daily Therapy, published Weekly or so…”
"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our Journey." ~ Kenji Miyazawa ~
Finally it is the end of this road. It was a rough day for the both of us, as I knew it would be once I decided to stay on a Highway #10 all the way to Joshua Tree National Park, California. Memories from 4 years ago lingered all day, "Belle" Campground with just a few sites, the one all the way in the back where the big and tall rock is. Closed for the summer. Oh! Well, the gate was indeed locked. Next. I will find another one. This one is open. "Jumbo Rocks". Probably a couple hundred sites, each other holding on to the same common ground only separated by a few feet. But no one is here. It is Monday of Labor Day and the campers have been on the road going home. I know. I felt them, I was tailgated, cut off, all the pleasant experiences of the Freeway. It was worth it, besides brushing up against the outskirts of Los Angeles, we are almost there since we do not have to arrive till Friday morning. San Luis Obispo. Foreign land, has been for many years.
The skies have been of all shade of gray since we crossed the border. I call it the border because being in California now always makes me feel as being in a foreign country. It does not even take a mile to see the change and I should more properly say "Southern California". The skies waited till we set up to start a nice rain cooling all so nicely with a pungent smell of wet rocks and dirt. The rocks stand all around us, some like fingers counting, some only staring at the dark skies, the ones above which now have stopped raining. I am actually tired. The body is giving up, a good book and the sleeping bag with heavy eyelids sounds just about right for now.
On my mind. I do not edit what I write. Reading part of my last entry regarding my two encounters in Terlingua, I am realizing so strongly more than ever that I have to let go. As my good Friend "Voni" has always said, walk away, let it go through one ear and out the other way, smile and say "Bless You". Wasted inner energy, negative thoughts, none ever conductive to higher grounds. Done.
This morning I am being near a tear drop shaped rock. A Joshua also, a clearing, two clearings amongst the lingering dark cover from yesterday. We have been sleeping for I am sure 12 hours or more. Rested. The camera is on it’s tripod and the scenes on this stage are changing by the second. I feel good, I feel at Peace, I think of Lance. Why couldn’t him and I share no more this mesmerizing Earth? These past days passed with my good Friends Mark and Brenda have left such a positive imprint, same impression with Mark and Bobbie, and Jake and Meagan and Olivia and their three dogs. Why could he not be also taken away by the good wave of feelings nurtured within these past near present times? Why? I feel as those rocks surrounding me I need to be as them. It has taken millions of years for them to form, harden and shape, how can I be as such in such a short time? Smooth and rounded standing up and filled with everything else Life demands of. Demands of. Demanding, yes it is. Day in and day out there is no rest, no intermission, the Play has and has had always the same Title. There only will be an end when my own will come and yet I can only hope it will be another beginning reunited with my Love.
Mr. Sunshine is taking it’s time this morning. Let it be. I had a visitor. A little blue bird within a few feet, he talked, full of energy jumping around as birds do. We talked. I think he felt welcomed as he lingered for the longest time breaking the silence with our conversation. Could it be? Maybe. I like to believe so. There is no harm in such belief. Slowly more birds are waking up and this is turning into a ruckus all around me. They are trying to outdo each other. The crows are the loudest. They are the only ones I know by name. All the others I just call them "birds". Simple enough. I smile.
What happened? Different country? Culture shock. From Joshua Tree National Park to near by the Ocean. We bypassed Los Angeles and yet not enough of a big circle. Uptight for a long time. Full attention on the road, cars, people. No time for any inner thoughts, exhausted. It has been a must.
It was a rough pocket and yet passed it all we managed to take some country roads which brought us nicely to San Luis Obispo, Pismo Beach we were are spending this night and maybe a few more "on the Beach", right on the sand, cool weather as in the background the sound of the breaking of the waves, this surf that makes me taste it’s salt is putting me to sleep. This is a real treat. I had no idea we could be here. Not a deserted beach but not crowded either. Tonight will be a good night sleep. Dinner has been taking care of. The best "fish and chips" and "strawberries" had in a long time, lucky me, it was Farmers Market day on the Pier.
Soothing water as always when back living on a sailboat. So many years without ever a thought of moving to land. Fluid as Life was. Smooth the work was, Loving was the presence of my Son, nurturing were the Friends surrounding us. Yet today I have to be a "rock" to keep myself planted day in and day out as wind and water would only take me away to a space too far to come back from. The dark waters now passed sunset are in striking contrast with the crimson skies as bleeding and hurting from it’s task of it’s day. We are sleeping wide open on this soft and sticky ground tonight. There will be no music to rewind. It sound is endless. No need for curtain calls.
I knew the sun was up in my slow awakening, yet I could not see it, the sound of the waves had not stopped, fog enveloping us it was, Spirit was not going to move. Sand was everywhere and wet sleeping bag, bevy bag, no thoughts toward it all, this was awakening like no other, where we really here? A few steps and the Ocean now casted in a grayish blue was rolling and foaming set back from a tide now low. Camera in hand draped with an old T-shirt, no tripod, I froze in my contemplation as right in front of me this rainbow out of nowhere had suddenly and so delicately formed. A rainbow with no colors, a white Rainbow, an Arch, a Portal, the Gate to this Ocean not long ago Lance and I for hours on end have watched and felt in silence as words often not needed. Mesmerized, speechless as the form by the minute came into a more defined one. A message? I stood there motionless after taking a couple photos, in such a short time the reel of past recent years spanning now over a quarter of a century played so rapidly and yet so distinctly. Would the water carry me though this passage? Would Spirit follow me? Was Lance awaiting across? Now? The Beach Patrol stopped, they had never seen such???
"I have had a great deal of interest in my photography over the years, for which I am grateful. Their sales are of much importance funding this Journal. Yes, please feel free to purchase one or two… or a few. I have been adding some photos lately, there will be more as I sift through about 100,000 of them.
Take a look. “Smugmug” stands for quality. Thank you”
Be well, always.
Ara & Spirit