“Oh heart, if one should say to you that the soul perishes like the body, answer that the flower withers, but the seed remains.” ~ Kahlil Gibran ~
In other words, “braving the storms…”
There is nothing like not knowing where we will yet ride today. It is Monday, as I call it, "the judgment day" is approaching. Friday the latest, they said, it is around the corner. Calm and tumultuous has been all at the same time. Riding, Spirit, Mother Nature, kind words from our Friends, all have been my savior these days of incertitude. Fast pulse, slow pulse, endless, it has not stopped. Scenarios run through my head. How about if we had to go back to Tucson? Would have to rent a place, rent a car, no Health Insurance, the heat is reaching 100 degrees and more. Why am I even thinking as such? We need to go riding, maybe it will be cooler today. We are moving on Wednesday. Higher elevation, probably Escalante, Utah. 200 miles further as I am trying to stay south till more is known. No sense though compromising our comfort, sitting ducks does not suit us very well. So on we will go.
Another day has passed. This morning is the one everyone can imagine when they say "the morning after the storm". Many storms, inside and out. Our ride was cut short as the day progressed. All started so pleasant, always does, a tail wind while riding, it is as having on board this auxiliary little engine smoothing it all out with that bit of extra power. Managed to shoot a video while riding Mokey Dugway, uphill this time, then on to 191, eastbound, and the thought to pursue Moab evaporated as the visibility dropped to about half a mile, an eerie stage replaced it all, the wind was blowing sideways, I felt like that puppet I have seen on dashboards shaking their head, Spirit laid down, that is always a sign of rough and tough riding. We headed back to camp, another right, southbound now, wind on the nose, grinding sand with my teeth through my full face helmet, barely reaching 50mph downhill in fourth gear, the visibility then dropped to a quarter of a mile, my neck still feels the amplitude of such wind.
100% humidity, the temp reaching 100 degree, bring it on "Mother Nature", my Friend, why were you so upset yesterday? Our tent held up well, I watched it bounce off the ground a few inches at the time never giving up it’s stakes firmly planted in the ground. I don’t think any other tent would have held up as such, the Hilleberg is designed to take on such adverse conditions. As tomorrow we pack and move on, as dust now has settled in the vestibules, the sweeping and the shaking of it all will take place, small price to pay having it all stay intact through such adversity of the elements.
As this morning the air is crisp, the skies from this past murky brown have changed to this bright blue hue, another storm is subsiding. What is it that makes one’s Heart already scarred open up to another soul when deep down slowly finding out the path is wrong? A trial of Life? As if seven years ago the conviction was not enough? The unfairness of being an open book does not match up with the path of myself getting to know another who ends up not being who they were when the stage became familiar. Smart I am not seemingly in the matters of the Heart as yet, having a close Friend, a Buddy, a confidante filling the present moments and vice versa are of an attraction of a Human kind. But when the square pegs do not match up with the round holes and when such becoming certitude is ignored, the stage fizzles and the pieces vanish only then realizing all was so wrong from the day all showed up in this nicely packaged and wrapped box with a veil of then a different color.
I think and actually know this is called in a jargon "red flags". I love children, screaming or not, (!!!) they are the definition of Life. They are the breath of fresh air they breathe, they are the personification of an innocence we all at one time had. How did I not see the coming bottleneck when trying to share my Life with another not liking Children? My Lifestyle is of a different one no doubt as I would never infringe it on anyone else, and yet when the path started with support of the Journey and then on turning into resentment toward it, ignoring it as my need for survival and way of Life, what is it that has let me continue on such disastrous demands? Foolishness…. Hope of an unreal reality… misplaced priorities when listening to someone that has it all and yet, filled with cars, homes, generous income, hanging on to the petty complains of this and that not even worth mentioning.
Ah! How can a bud turn into a thorn? Life is such an amazing Journey. The hurt does not seem to cease, it is bewildering. When one suddenly and seemingly has only their own interest at hand, how did I ever ignore the piercing dart when not long ago, as this medical uncertainty surfaced, I heard clearly said "I don’t think it is of my best interest to continue on this path….". The School of Life never closes it’s doors. But why are the costs of this tuition so high? Can I close myself in “forever” and be sheltered from it all when all I took on was the opening fissures of my own Heart not knowing and not wanting to play one else’s games?
Till next time. When the storms subsides. They will.
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Ara & Spirit
Be Safe and well
Peace, Love, Courage