“Do everything with a mind that lets go . . . If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace. If you let go completely, you will know complete peace and freedom. Your struggle with the world will have come to an end.” ~ Ajahn Chah ~
Sometimes “Karma” works both ways. What a week it has been. How lucky we are to be here within the open arms of Dean and Pam who have loaned us their “barn” for the duration here throughout a slight set back. Friday is a biopsy day for me in Tucson. It is a bit of a surprise or is it maybe I just did not want to believe that my blood test results would necessitate such action. We are 220 miles away, Dean will drive me there and back all in one day. This is the week to find out what those bad numbers of mine have been all about. Human nature is playing it’s part these past days as I wake up with a lump in my throat, a churned stomach and having a hard time dissuading my mind needing to escape unpleasant thoughts, worse scenarios as worries of the future is futile, negative energy spend toward something that has not even happened yet. But the Human mind so programmed is at times difficult to deal with.
Spirit is looking at me, I see the white of his eyes, he knows and knows more than most as his support and unconditional Love has been present never letting me down. He is curled up facing me, his ears sway back as I talk to him, he knows and wonders about my own composure. We are one, we cannot be apart and will not. There is a long road ahead of us, it has been put on hold for a week now as we have to sit here and wait. But yes, how lucky we are to be here as the logistics of such events while being on the road are difficult without help from others such as Dean and Pam.
Spirit did not eat this morning, I was myself at my worse as again this wave of thoughts trespasses a common sense that escapes me. The priorities of Life again slaps me as here I thought I had it all together. I already miss the road, I already long for this inexplicable path of such total freedom wandering aimlessly in search for the night’s next camp, in search of the next boulder I can sit behind and let my mind wander surrounded by present beauty. The detachment of a certain reality I was part of in past times, seems as I am still part of it, yet refuse to let go of our new found stage, but seemingly I also feel as I have returned to confront this health matter. I am already thinking how we will fly away from it all, soon, and return to grind the soil and lift some dust as we did.
In the meantime we are both enjoying this “barn”. After all, it is filled with motorcycle memorabilia. It smells of two wheels, it is as a present shrine of my passion, my vehicle toward the far horizons. Books, posters, T shirts and hats left by many ahead of us. I am enjoying cooking and the company throughout dinner times. The mental and moral support, the words that come in from outside the box I might lock myself into maybe a bit too much and too long lately as suddenly Life itself seems to be at stake. What an irony, one more test, one more hurtle, the notion of “freedom” again seems to be such a farce.
Wednesday is today. One more day, or is it two more. It will be then awaiting for the results, it will be hearing what I want to hear. I know it will be. Strength, and more strength, so needed, patience and faith toward this present Life. Support has come through from distant Friends, their droplets are slowly filling up this bucket I am carrying while it sways from the emotions which will not quit.
For days the above words have been parked on this page. Saturday is now. The past days have been filled with question marks which should have not even appeared, not much sleep, apprehension, more. Today I smile as the biopsy is now behind. Snip… snip… 14 times… I will spare any more details only as the Dr. said “don’t worry, go have a good time, the results will be in two weeks”. A couple more days here till I can sit and ride on with “Old Faithful”, a couple more days enjoying this new found stage “The Motorcyclist Café Barn & Bunkhouse”.
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Ara & Spirit
Be Safe and well
Peace, Love, Courage