Nothing, not even a Utopia, can necessarily make the pursuit of happiness a successful one that ends in capture. The best society can merely allow every individual to flourish in the pursuit. ~ DANIEL NETTLE ~ [Happiness: The Science Behind Your Smile]
OK, it is time to regroup and get a handle over the acceptance of the situation. I am seeing my Surgeon tomorrow morning, I have moved my appointment a week early and I just have this funny feeling she is not going to be very happy seeing me in less than seven days after the surgery. I must have been delirious when changing the date. I have been mentally fighting the aftermath without any benefit, only with the possible reenactment of a recurrence. How worthless can those moments be? What is the rush anyhow? Going back to a Desert which requires much physical ability and strength on a daily basis only to grow into more frustration totally uncalled for.
In the meantime it is a more than a pleasant time with my Friend Robin, moments allowing us to get to know each other into a deeper stage of this Life laid out ahead of us. Much cooking this time on her part, only tonight for the first time taking on the kitchen stage long enough to bake some mini loaves of banana bread and a dinner consisting of grilled shrimp tacos and rice. A couple hours maybe and I was exhausted. Surprised I have been. Reality again showed it’s face.
Done with the Doctor’s visit. It has been a complete double hernia, not quite two for the price of one yet the added cost was a bit of a surprise within this flow of events, better now than having to do this over in the near future. The good news is all is healing well, the bad news is no riding for… a month. She says… followed by a story of a redo which made me nervous if defying her orders. Was I kidding myself thinking I could get back on with "Old Faithful" as soon as possible? Probably more delirious moments and thoughts. For the first time wishing I had a car. Would give us the ability to move around and see a bit of country exploring some roads and sights we miss so much. But… another "but"!
My utopia is so naive I realize, but unfounded it is not. I am sitting at a sidewalk cafe waiting for Robin and the buzz penetrates me as an unstable stage. Respect I have toward all and feelings I also have toward the many as if on roller blades moving on at warp speeds throughout their days. How long will their heart support the pace I am witnessing? What is the motivation? Is it that shiny Hummer parked in front of me with the chrome accoutrements almost needing sunglasses to stare at it trying to find a non existent even spec of dust. How many hours has the owner worked for it? How much overtime has gone into it to not leave time for on the dirt road driving, only parading this symbol I have yet to figure out it’s concept on the busy streets and avenues of a city. My nirvana, probably so absurd to the masses is so much leaving it all behind and replenish your own wealth through your own senses, a task no object will give you even if sitting up high or low within the "they make me look good machines".
All goes deeper, all stumbles behind the set of a stage I have been on so long. How about if no one ever needed “those things”? How about if “greed” suddenly disappeared? How about if everyone just got along and headed as we use to say “for the mountains”? This is where my own naivety plays such a role in my quite often disappointment of society as I see it, the complete and whole “ways” of living I witness. All this is just too personal, too much of a drastic choice when at the present on the other side of the coin Spirit and I are enjoying a Home, a real kitchen, a warm embrace, a real shower, heating even, so much my own “nirvana” lacks of, even if I can disregard them as being simply “things” surrounding me which does make a Life more “easier” with however such motions separating the real core into layers some so still obscure.
Such non sense probably as I myself read the above words written a couple days ago. Who is judging? No one is. I can only say it felt so good being out for the days on Reddington Pass Road yesterday as again the path passing through solitude replenished my own batteries as I know it did for Robin, Audrey and Spirit. Will also write about that great day also soon. My true first outing in a long time… seemingly a long time.
Ara & Spirit
Be Safe and well
Peace, Love, Courage
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