Being “flinchy” today… Marfa, Texas

Monday, December 20th, 2010

“This is a great moment, when you see, however distant, the goal of your wonderings. The ‘thing’ that has been living in your imagination suddenly becomes a part of the tangible World” ~ Freya Stark ~

“As I entered the still bowl, bathed now in a marble light, I came to that spot in the dead center where the faintest whisper rises like a glad bird and vanishes over the shoulder of the low hill, as the light of a clear day recedes before the black velvet of night…
Epidaurus is merely a place symbol: the real place is in the Heart, in every man’s/woman’s Heart, if he/she will but stop and search it. Every discovery is mysterious in that it reveals what is so unexpectedly immediate, so close, so long and intimately known. The wise man has no need to journey forth; it is the fool who seeks the pot of gold at the rainbow’s end.
~ Henry Miller ~

Marfa

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We now have been on the road for a couple nights and days. We spend a night in Marfa, and as we arrived for lunch at the “Food Shark”, and only as a coincidence, found out that Adam and Krista were getting married that same evening. I bumped into Adam later on who invited me to their reception. Therefore the photos. It was a grandiose reception. I however could not stay long. I know the whole town of Marfa was present and slowly my claustrophobia emerged for the need of fresh air. What I thought would be a physical Journey these past days has turned out to be so much more of a mental one. Today it did. The too familiar roads to Tucson while driving instead of riding have not stopped inducing a pathway of so many thoughts that tonight I am exhausted while parked for the night in Las Cruces, NM. Foremost amongst them all I am battling within myself the future of this Journal staying Public as it is in this format and content. I cannot emphasize enough the fact that this is not a “ride report”, a “recipe book”, a “Dog’s Life”, it s not. It is a “Personal Journal”. It always has been a bit of this and a bit of that as us traveling with weather that would be generous. And yet some unkind readers have not stopped sending out derogatory words about it all, words I have to read to be able to delete them within comments I have choice of approval. I still remember the verbal comment of a winter neighbor one day past “Oh! I really liked your entry today, for a change it was not about you…”. Of course the positive outweighs the negative as it always has, as also Life dictates, to me anyhow. The solution I know will eventually come up to the surface. Being in the public eyes as such brings on too often the image of a double edged sword. While also sharing a Life, personal thoughts related I find are now just not anymore a proper pathway on these pages.

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I write daily this Journal as if, bluntly said, no one is going to read it. It is for myself. It is the strangest thing I have found to accomplish which will continuously maintain my balance. It is my Life, I have chosen this path, I have not chosen to be a drunk or on drugs or on medication.Yes, “esoteric” it is, non sense to many it also is, self regarded also might fall into that category. I always say it “please, do not read it, you do not have to if your thoughts are of ill mannered”. Of course spring, summer and fall finds us on the trails, finds us in this roomy tent of ours and the pages here are then filled with photos Mother Nature so graciously offers. The spirits are higher, they are the rides throughout the long days where I even loose sleep over the so much welcomed thoughts of the next days, they are even the finds of such colorful fresh produce that has always appeared to turn them into vibrant dinners, even breakfasts. My shoes worn are my own and no one else’s, I assume full responsibility of each step taken.  My past is also my own, it has been my foundation constructing these nowadays.

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Wedding Reception

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They are the other strangers we meet in the little towns, they are the other travelers also by then on the road with maybe another motorcycle, a hack, an RV, a bicycle, even on roller blades or on foot. Winter has shown to myself my owns flaws regardless of this healing that has now lasted these past four years. Who is perfect? Who has supernatural powers embedded within themselves or again as mentioned I am not on a path seeking the easy way out through the diversions of alcohol and drugs, the numbness they provide versus ‘feeling‘ it all is what I explore even if the level often comes with a price to pay in the form of being sidetracked from the “now moments” I try so hard to live.

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The “goal of my wonderings”, yes, this “thing” nested in my imagination never truly knowing it’s shape and colors has approached me these past couple months, this “goal” which I never knew what truly it could be, merged into our path. It is the kind and understanding Soul of my Friend Robin always here as such today when suddenly I plunged into a passage not intended to be on, one somber avenue when with these Holiday times Lance’s memories of past years surfaced with more strength than ever, when realizing with January around the corner that seven years has now almost vanished without his physical presence. And there was more, all piled up high. Life, Faith, Karma, one can call it anything they want, decided on our meet, agreed with all the lining up of all the components of this Universe that neither of us was going to go on alone anymore as instead we have been present for each other in these short bursts of one’s mental fall as today. We have been present also for each other throughout the other side of the coin, the now longer bursts of happiness present.

The Bride -Krista- The Groom -Adam-
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I found her Heart, she has found my Heart. It is indeed the true place one wants to be at. This Journey will never be the same as I know her Journey also will not be. And yet, they will never stop. They are filled with laughter, they are filled with true Love and Friendship and so much care and understanding for each other. I do not know what the future holds, I do not know which trails we will together discover as the seasons change. I do however know that today she pulled me through with a “hold” tight enough to avoid me drowning into some darkness all too familiar in lonely times. My Dear Robin… “Thank You” will never be enough.

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Ara & Spirit

Be Safe and well
Peace, Love, Courage

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26 Responses to “Being “flinchy” today… Marfa, Texas”

  1. Brian Says:

    You know Ara… I’ve had a few of those “Unkind Readers”my self… I only consider what they write, to make sure I’m not missing something and writing something that isn’t what I meant to say… other than that, they make it pretty clear they are people of little understanding and people from whom little if anything will ever be learned… don’t waste time worryin’ about ’em!

    Just Write what cares for your soul… and let the losers stew in their own pot!
    -Brian

  2. Barbara Says:

    I just had to ask, what kind of person would take advantage of your kindness by entering your personal blog/journal which you have made available to them, read it, then criticize you for it’s content? Absolutely unbelieveable! It’s your blog, who do they expect it to be about? Unbelieveable.

    I enjoy reading your journal and seeing your photos. You can make it “private” I think, but I hope you don’t.

    Take care – drive safe out there. 🙂

  3. admin Says:

    Thanks for the comments Barbara and Brian. I know there are all kinds of people out there! The annoying part has been the knowledge that it is not SPAM, they are mainly “nasty” words toward Robin and I… So to be fair, to be fair period, our “personal private Life” needs to remain as such, which should either way. I have been too much on a path of writing my “raw emotions” these past four years, they need to be handled “publicly differently”. Will find the balance, I will find the way to do so… Thanks again.

  4. The Desert Scruff Says:

    It seems to me, Ara, that no matter what a person does–whether it’s writing a journal like yours or just quietly living a life–there will always be people who think you should be doing it a different way. Ignore them and don’t let them distract you from doing it your way. There are plenty of people who do enjoy your writings and photographs. I’m sure you will continue with Robin to live a life of your own choosing, and I hope you continue to share at least part of it with those of us who have followed your interesting travels, both of the mind and of the road. Thanks, Ara, for being you.

  5. DC Stultz Says:

    Ara,
    I used to have a sign on my office wall: Illegitimi non carborundum. (literal translation of the latin: Don’t let the bastards wear you down)

    Your words are beautiful — keep them coming. I wish I had the capability of expressing my feelings and capturing Mother Nature and foodstuffs as artistically as you do. Ignore the impolite trolls — after all, no one is holding a gun to their head to make them read your musings. And, don’t hesitate to send their negative thoughts into the bit bucket where they belong.

    Best wishes to you and Robin. Methinks you deserve each other and the happiness that would bring.

  6. Heidi Says:

    Hi Ara,

    First of all, I love your blog – as is. Please don’t change a thing. I come mostly to gawk in awe at your wonderful photography of this great country of ours, but there are days that I read the entry as well, and I have never left your site without a smile on my face. I don’t know why people feel compelled to leave negative comments. They have a choice to read, or not to read and if they don’t like what they read then they don’t have to come back to the site. Plain and simple. It’s unfortunate that people forget the cardinal rule of “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” It’s such a simple thing to do. Anyway, I do hope you will continue to share your wonderful photos and inspiring words with us. I wish you safe travels always and also wish you good health. I hope that you and Spirit have a wonderful holiday.

  7. Allen Says:

    Hey, Buddy.

    Juat wanted to say that I am grateful that someone is in your path to help you pull thru the darker days. I am praying that your surgery goes well, and you are quickly on the mend.

    Be Well My Friend!

    -Peace

  8. Steve Williams Says:

    Ara,

    I believe what makes your work, your blog, your photographs, so powerful is the personal nature of the work. While the stories and experiences are not always something I can connect with your journey strikes a familiar chord if I am willing to listen. That chord reminds me of what is important in life, what is available to me, and a reminder of the fleeting nature of things.

    I hope the nastiness doesn’t wear you down.

    Travel well!

    Steve Williams
    Scooter in the Sticks

  9. texascindy Says:

    Ara, I am sad to think that there are people who would come into your space and belittle you, your words and your emotions because it wasn’t what they wanted to see or read or be made to feel that day. Shame on them. You have so willingly put your life here on these pages, sharing with total strangers and allowing us to come to know you and Spirit and now, Robin. I feel honored to have been able to not only shake your hand but to spend time with you and Spirit at your Oasis. Afetr following you now for almost 5 years, your words and pictures have become a part of my everyday routine. If the time comes when you choose to have this blog become totally private, I understand the why of it. I hope that day doesn’t come but I understand if it does. Either way, know that you have made a difference in my life. I wish you and Robin much happiness, beautiful sunrises as well as sunsets and always a new road to travel.
    Hugs, Cindy

  10. admin Says:

    You all move me so much… Yes, it would tear me up to suddenly blank these pages so much because you all yourselves have been though these years my backbones of all these moments. The good ones, the bad ones. Through the storms stuck in the wilderness, the hot days trying to keep Spirit cool, getting sick on the road, the peaks and the valleys that I know we “all” have. I am not any different than any of you, I only hope being different from the ones Brian has called “losers”. And even those as they do at times wear me thin, I still wish for them to start climbing that ladder and acquire some awareness toward this Life of ours that has such beautiful moments even if it hits us on the head unexpectedly at times.
    It will all work out, these times have been a new chapter for us as they also have been for Robin, all taken in baby steps as I will also take here.
    I truly appreciate all your words, more than you will ever know.
    Be well… always.
    Ara & Spirit

  11. john aka heyduke50 Says:

    The blog world will be worse off the day your blog goes private… however, it is easy for you as a blog administrator to require readers to ask permissions from you to be granted the “privilege” of reading your words… if this comes to be, then it is meant to be so… I hope to be on the list of those allowed to continue to read your fine blog.

  12. karen Says:

    Ara a friend of mine has a sign on his office door that reads, “everyone brings joy to this place, some when they come, some when they leave”. Don’t leave Ara, we appreciate your love of privacy but this blog has been a good place for you to process the things you needed to, comfort to you when you wanted it most and a” joy” for us to see. Leave it if you must but know that you have brought me joy in your photos and the antics of Spirit! Happiness to you and your new life and as always kisses to Spirit!

  13. Zelda Says:

    Dear Ara,
    Your loyal followers have said so much so well, I can only say “hear, hear”. Yes, the trolls are a growing irritant and frustration for those of us who spend much time on the web. They are your opposite, Ara, cowards hiding in anonymity, and sniping at anything and everything. Obviously, they are not proud of their words or ideas, otherwise they would own up to their words and come out in the open.
    Now, Ara, you are going to protest this vigorously, but nevertheless, your courage in laying your day to day thoughts and experiences before us, not to mention your gifts at photography and cuisine, over these many years is truly astonishing. If that isn’t courage, I don’t know what is courage. I realize you aren’t doing it to show your courage, only to find your way through this world in a humane way after being battered by life’s ups and downs and tragedies.
    I doubt you can count the number of your day to day followers of your travels and experiences, but I’m sure WE are many. I hope that we all can rejoice at your finding the joy of special friendship and future companionship with your lovely friend Robin. Here’s wishing you, Spirit, Robin, Audrey, etc., etc. a holiday of love and peace.
    Reminder from one senior to another: remember to include that body of yours in that circle of love – give it the care, attention and rest that it needs for many future years of happiness.
    Pam, Randy & Natasha “the brat”

  14. Evelyn Says:

    Ara, please don’t leave us or if that is what you decide then give us the privilege of subscribing to your thoughts. I for one get comfort in your thoughts as I lost my daughter in 1998 and it never gets easier. The thoughts and associations never go away. Those of us that read this are blessed to be able to look into the window of your Soul and find there are others that feel the same way. I am so happy you have found Robin. I definitely believe that things happen when they are supposed to….it’s time for you and Robin. You have been on a journey and perhaps now you have found your destination……? My thoughts will be with you for your surgery, hoping for a full recovery and a new year full of all the joy you deserve.

  15. Lewis Says:

    Ara,

    I look forward to reading your posts daily. I can say from within that your strength in words, the power from within your eye through your camera and your struggle in life that is often evident bears a resemblance to my everyday. Thank you for showing me that I am real, and that others face the same struggles and joy as I do. There are many times that I read your words more than once a day as it brings me much relief to the untruths that I often confuse myself with. The words are as graceful as a race horse, and as clumsy as a new born colt, and as honest as life can be.

    It is your blog to do as you wish, I just want you to know it touches many more people than you will ever know, It often makes me open my mind and wisk the cobwebs from the corners so that I may see my surroundings clearer.

    Be safe on your journey, and thank you.

  16. James Schipper Says:

    Don’t let the occasional crankiness of the anonymous bend you up. Just be you. I’m glad you share with us. It would be a shame to not get these entries over some anonymous internet wankers.

    Always here if you need anything, my Friend.

  17. Suzanne Says:

    I would be very sad to see your blog go. It has become part of my day to check and see if you’ve posted something new, especially now that you’ve met someone special. I think it is some peoples’ mission in life to be miserable and make others so. Don’t let them.

  18. Froggi Donna Says:

    I’m so glad to see the overwhelming positive response…I don’t comment much. You pretty well know where I stand on things. 😉 A person’s blog belongs to that person. If they are gracious enough to share it with us, we are the winners. Not everyone will agree with what you (or other bloggers) post. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is in your heart…which is one of the best I know. Stand tall and know that many follow you and enjoy your ramblings, personal and impersonal. Blog away!!!

  19. Fernando Cascais Says:

    Hello Ara, I’m Portuguese, and only now discovered your site. I took the liberty of right about you on my blog, here http://kaskais.fotosblogue.com/- Congratulations for your courage and good taste. An embrace to Spirit.

  20. Lyle Says:

    Ara, I know how it can be to bare your heart and soul and have them stomped on, even by somebody who supposedly cares. I can understand how it would seem to be a good idea to start keeping things to yourself.

    But remember that there may be many silent people out here whose lives and hearts you’ve touched, people who have experienced loss, and pain, and sorrow, and the dark depths of loneliness, and who have derived strength from your strength, who have seen it is possible to carry on, who have seen that there will be light at the end of the longest, darkest tunnels. They see that they are not alone in their loss, and that even though that loss may not be far from their minds, they can still enjoy the beauty of the world around them and the beauty in the hearts and souls of those they meet. I would not wish misfortune on anybody, but even the snipers whose comments you must delete may someday find themselves remembering your words and thoughts and benefit from them, despite themselves.

    Of course, in addition to sharing your burdens, we’ve shared your joys. You’ve sparked interest in cooking, Texas, Big Bend, Terlingua, pit bulls, camping, dogs, travel, motorcycles, food, sidecars, photography, and every beautiful place you’ve been.

    So, thanks again for letting us share your virtual Oasis. We’ll be happy to read and see whatever you feel comfortable sharing.

    And Merry Christmas to you!

  21. Lyle Says:

    Is the wedding cake made of Rice Krispies?!

  22. Jeff & Sandra Says:

    Dear Ara & Spirit,

    Perhaps some folks could be more aware that the mind can create an abyss that only the heart is able to cross. Please stay safe and we’ll be looking forward for many more of your pictures and thoughts through your words most often from the heart that touch us so much in such a wonderous way.

  23. David Scott Says:

    Excellent writing and photos. I look forward to your post.

    The old Irish saying often regareded as a cours I think applies to your life in in your case is anything but a curse. “May you lead a intereting life”

    I look forward to yourcommetnary on your travels, spritual growth and photos.

  24. Lorena Says:

    Merry Christmas Ara and Spirit, I’m glad you found a little happiness in your nice friend- Peace Brother

  25. Carol Says:

    As I have said before …. “Ppppbbbbthththt!” The razberry to those who don’t care for what you write! what are you supposed to do? Make up something false to please their sensibilities??? Pay no attention to them. XO

  26. gary Says:

    Your journal and photos are heart rending. I would feel a great emptiness if you took them private! I feel like I am living the journey. how wonderful that you share it!

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