“This is a great moment, when you see, however distant, the goal of your wonderings. The ‘thing’ that has been living in your imagination suddenly becomes a part of the tangible World” ~ Freya Stark ~
“As I entered the still bowl, bathed now in a marble light, I came to that spot in the dead center where the faintest whisper rises like a glad bird and vanishes over the shoulder of the low hill, as the light of a clear day recedes before the black velvet of night…
Epidaurus is merely a place symbol: the real place is in the Heart, in every man’s/woman’s Heart, if he/she will but stop and search it. Every discovery is mysterious in that it reveals what is so unexpectedly immediate, so close, so long and intimately known. The wise man has no need to journey forth; it is the fool who seeks the pot of gold at the rainbow’s end. ~ Henry Miller ~
We now have been on the road for a couple nights and days. We spend a night in Marfa, and as we arrived for lunch at the “Food Shark”, and only as a coincidence, found out that Adam and Krista were getting married that same evening. I bumped into Adam later on who invited me to their reception. Therefore the photos. It was a grandiose reception. I however could not stay long. I know the whole town of Marfa was present and slowly my claustrophobia emerged for the need of fresh air. What I thought would be a physical Journey these past days has turned out to be so much more of a mental one. Today it did. The too familiar roads to Tucson while driving instead of riding have not stopped inducing a pathway of so many thoughts that tonight I am exhausted while parked for the night in Las Cruces, NM. Foremost amongst them all I am battling within myself the future of this Journal staying Public as it is in this format and content. I cannot emphasize enough the fact that this is not a “ride report”, a “recipe book”, a “Dog’s Life”, it s not. It is a “Personal Journal”. It always has been a bit of this and a bit of that as us traveling with weather that would be generous. And yet some unkind readers have not stopped sending out derogatory words about it all, words I have to read to be able to delete them within comments I have choice of approval. I still remember the verbal comment of a winter neighbor one day past “Oh! I really liked your entry today, for a change it was not about you…”. Of course the positive outweighs the negative as it always has, as also Life dictates, to me anyhow. The solution I know will eventually come up to the surface. Being in the public eyes as such brings on too often the image of a double edged sword. While also sharing a Life, personal thoughts related I find are now just not anymore a proper pathway on these pages.
I write daily this Journal as if, bluntly said, no one is going to read it. It is for myself. It is the strangest thing I have found to accomplish which will continuously maintain my balance. It is my Life, I have chosen this path, I have not chosen to be a drunk or on drugs or on medication.Yes, “esoteric” it is, non sense to many it also is, self regarded also might fall into that category. I always say it “please, do not read it, you do not have to if your thoughts are of ill mannered”. Of course spring, summer and fall finds us on the trails, finds us in this roomy tent of ours and the pages here are then filled with photos Mother Nature so graciously offers. The spirits are higher, they are the rides throughout the long days where I even loose sleep over the so much welcomed thoughts of the next days, they are even the finds of such colorful fresh produce that has always appeared to turn them into vibrant dinners, even breakfasts. My shoes worn are my own and no one else’s, I assume full responsibility of each step taken. My past is also my own, it has been my foundation constructing these nowadays.
They are the other strangers we meet in the little towns, they are the other travelers also by then on the road with maybe another motorcycle, a hack, an RV, a bicycle, even on roller blades or on foot. Winter has shown to myself my owns flaws regardless of this healing that has now lasted these past four years. Who is perfect? Who has supernatural powers embedded within themselves or again as mentioned I am not on a path seeking the easy way out through the diversions of alcohol and drugs, the numbness they provide versus ‘feeling‘ it all is what I explore even if the level often comes with a price to pay in the form of being sidetracked from the “now moments” I try so hard to live.
The “goal of my wonderings”, yes, this “thing” nested in my imagination never truly knowing it’s shape and colors has approached me these past couple months, this “goal” which I never knew what truly it could be, merged into our path. It is the kind and understanding Soul of my Friend Robin always here as such today when suddenly I plunged into a passage not intended to be on, one somber avenue when with these Holiday times Lance’s memories of past years surfaced with more strength than ever, when realizing with January around the corner that seven years has now almost vanished without his physical presence. And there was more, all piled up high. Life, Faith, Karma, one can call it anything they want, decided on our meet, agreed with all the lining up of all the components of this Universe that neither of us was going to go on alone anymore as instead we have been present for each other in these short bursts of one’s mental fall as today. We have been present also for each other throughout the other side of the coin, the now longer bursts of happiness present.
I found her Heart, she has found my Heart. It is indeed the true place one wants to be at. This Journey will never be the same as I know her Journey also will not be. And yet, they will never stop. They are filled with laughter, they are filled with true Love and Friendship and so much care and understanding for each other. I do not know what the future holds, I do not know which trails we will together discover as the seasons change. I do however know that today she pulled me through with a “hold” tight enough to avoid me drowning into some darkness all too familiar in lonely times. My Dear Robin… “Thank You” will never be enough.
Ara & Spirit
Be Safe and well
Peace, Love, Courage
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