5th Floor: Happiness Department, TX

Tuesday, November 16th, 2010

“I have to go on thinking every day ‘Life is perfect”. And if not… what other choice would I have?” ~ Ara ~

Desert  

My Dear Lance.

Long ride today through Big Bend Park, looking for campers I had met a few days ago, but never found them as probably it was not meant to be as to not disturb this day’s thoughts. Many miles ridden, paved roads, dirt roads, stuck in sand and rescued, a smile into the wind at times, tears trickling down my cheeks at other times, the thoughts in this space you live in with me has also now another name added as my mind was on both of you. I am not puzzled, I am not surprised either, “it just is” as I kept on going under the today’s clear blue skies and wanting to ask for your permission throughout these present times for myself, and also for my Friend, to experience some true happiness as both of us would deserve. It has become a barrier lowering itself daily, easier with time to get across as I have never felt such genuine enchantment, such sincere exchanges with one another, honesty, respect, affection, more. I know all this is your doing, I have no doubt. You have waited a long time to allow me to rebuilt myself into who I am today. You are the one that has given me this gift to be no more a common person, but filled with senses so much sharpened these past years.

Desert  

As a good and dear Friend of mine wrote the other day “I know who opened the door.  YOU did.  Lance may have smacked you alongside the head and made you notice that the door was there … but You opened the door and walked through.” I did. The elevator operator had only one glance and knew this is where I wanted to stop even if I did not know it at the time. Four years of wandering, leaving it all behind and plunging into what I called too often this “dark tunnel” where the scraping of my nails where never enough to halt my falls. Four years I know you talked relentlessly reminding me of your last words from your last breath “It’s all good”, and yet, so long it took to do away with the guilt of just being alive when you are not, so long to shape day after day not only my Soul but also my own demeanor toward others. I wrote and wrote as all these past pages hoping you yourself would read them as I know you have as if you had not, I would not be here today contemplating sharing a true Friendship with another so also deserving.

stuck in the sand  
Spirit not helping  

What at one time I called “fantasy or reality” has turned into such a beautiful daily “reality”. A “reality” as you also are, always will be, never tucked away, but sharing this stage we can all live on harmoniously, with much understanding of each other, much respect, much Love and the fundamental knowledge of how much of a priviledge it is to experience and share our moments when together, with kindness and not with an inclination of these times taken for granted, as myself so much knowing “nothing” is for granted as each moment of Life itself is a gift received, and given back. As we do not think ahead, as also those times are not here yet, with all so much we don’t know, have learned it the hard way too often, we do never know what the future can have awaiting. All is such a delicate balance when two Souls so deeply open up to each other standing strong and yet holding hands passing through as such our inner emotions.  

Pumping air  
Pumping air  

I know I live with Spirit into a World not quite real for many, a Space made up from these past years since you have left me, and yet you and I have shaped this stage without walls, gates, dwellings. There was never a need for those. We have shaped it from within as a tree blossoming with only the best fundamental principles of Life one can expel toward themselves and others. I know you have been with me from the first day I laid out these foundations for today’s and tomorrow’s path, the one yet to come wherever it takes us with a confidence never so experienced before. When today I was stuck in the sand in the middle of nowhere, in this Park now deserted, Peace came upon me! I tried a few times with a piece of carpet I carry for some forward momentum, all to no avail. We had food, water, Spot was on and a fully charged SAT phone, and yet I never thought I would need them. Half an hour went by as suddenly I heard the thumping, the sweet sound of a dirt bike coming our way. It was. He stopped. He introduced himself. “Roberto”, visiting from Mexico.

Tarantula  
Old Faithful  

He said “You are Ara…”. I got the chills and I said yes. He parked his bike, took his helmet off, pushed, got us off the deep sand, shook my hand again, I forgot to take his photo, and there he went, disappeared. It all happened so quickly. I was stunned. I am not anymore. You know why. I am filled with the same Peace when we ride and the deer crosses ahead of us, there is never a close call. I am at Peace when today the Red Tail Hawk flew with me for the longest time when passing by his tree he was perched on. And more then at any other times, as I am at Peace with you, I am also at Peace with my Friend Robin. I see you smile, I now see those green eyes of yours sparkle. You waited a long time. Do you remember all those pretty girls you always met when we walked along together? When I always use to poke your ribs and say “how about me?”, jokingly, as you would reply “Oh! Dad… you are too old…”. Thank you for now thinking I am not as old as I was…

Desert  

Love you always my Son.

Ara

Sunset  

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7 Responses to “5th Floor: Happiness Department, TX”

  1. john aka heyduke50 Says:

    you know two kindred souls can not be kept apart for long…

  2. Bill Mcdonald Says:

    Lately, I have had dreams where I am conversing with long departed loved ones about things going on in my life.

    I wake up and it seems so real, with a feeling of loss for not being able to have it continue.

    Maybe when people leave us, part of them stays within us and comes out from time to time.

    I just know that it feels good to see them in my dreams again.

  3. texascindy Says:

    You sound like a happy man, Ara. There’s never anything wrong with that. I’m sure that Lance is smiling. I know I am!

  4. Rebecca Ann Says:

    Ara –
    What joy I experience when I read your posts. Being of Native American heritage and a Texas Panhandle gal I enjoy reading and sitting and gazing on your beautiful photos of your journey’s in South Texas. I can only dream that one day I can do what you do and set out to see what lies on
    the road ahead of me.
    It blesses my soul that you are finding true happiness again and that you know Lance would be happy for you as well.
    God Bless You as you continue your journey called…..LIFE!!
    P.S. Spirit is truely one of the neatest dogs I have ever seen – give him a big hug for me (or at least an extra helping of supper)

  5. Janet Says:

    It is an honor to know you, Ara.
    Thank you.

  6. bill Lancaster Says:

    Ara, I enjoy your stories very much. Good luck. Billy

  7. drjimmy Says:

    I’m glad I decided to look you up. I’m looking forward to following you around. I love your outlook on life. I’ll be in touch, right now I have to get back to finding out more about you.

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