“I have to go on thinking every day ‘Life is perfect”. And if not… what other choice would I have?” ~ Ara ~
My Dear Lance.
Long ride today through Big Bend Park, looking for campers I had met a few days ago, but never found them as probably it was not meant to be as to not disturb this day’s thoughts. Many miles ridden, paved roads, dirt roads, stuck in sand and rescued, a smile into the wind at times, tears trickling down my cheeks at other times, the thoughts in this space you live in with me has also now another name added as my mind was on both of you. I am not puzzled, I am not surprised either, “it just is” as I kept on going under the today’s clear blue skies and wanting to ask for your permission throughout these present times for myself, and also for my Friend, to experience some true happiness as both of us would deserve. It has become a barrier lowering itself daily, easier with time to get across as I have never felt such genuine enchantment, such sincere exchanges with one another, honesty, respect, affection, more. I know all this is your doing, I have no doubt. You have waited a long time to allow me to rebuilt myself into who I am today. You are the one that has given me this gift to be no more a common person, but filled with senses so much sharpened these past years.
As a good and dear Friend of mine wrote the other day “I know who opened the door. YOU did. Lance may have smacked you alongside the head and made you notice that the door was there … but You opened the door and walked through.” I did. The elevator operator had only one glance and knew this is where I wanted to stop even if I did not know it at the time. Four years of wandering, leaving it all behind and plunging into what I called too often this “dark tunnel” where the scraping of my nails where never enough to halt my falls. Four years I know you talked relentlessly reminding me of your last words from your last breath “It’s all good”, and yet, so long it took to do away with the guilt of just being alive when you are not, so long to shape day after day not only my Soul but also my own demeanor toward others. I wrote and wrote as all these past pages hoping you yourself would read them as I know you have as if you had not, I would not be here today contemplating sharing a true Friendship with another so also deserving.
What at one time I called “fantasy or reality” has turned into such a beautiful daily “reality”. A “reality” as you also are, always will be, never tucked away, but sharing this stage we can all live on harmoniously, with much understanding of each other, much respect, much Love and the fundamental knowledge of how much of a priviledge it is to experience and share our moments when together, with kindness and not with an inclination of these times taken for granted, as myself so much knowing “nothing” is for granted as each moment of Life itself is a gift received, and given back. As we do not think ahead, as also those times are not here yet, with all so much we don’t know, have learned it the hard way too often, we do never know what the future can have awaiting. All is such a delicate balance when two Souls so deeply open up to each other standing strong and yet holding hands passing through as such our inner emotions.
I know I live with Spirit into a World not quite real for many, a Space made up from these past years since you have left me, and yet you and I have shaped this stage without walls, gates, dwellings. There was never a need for those. We have shaped it from within as a tree blossoming with only the best fundamental principles of Life one can expel toward themselves and others. I know you have been with me from the first day I laid out these foundations for today’s and tomorrow’s path, the one yet to come wherever it takes us with a confidence never so experienced before. When today I was stuck in the sand in the middle of nowhere, in this Park now deserted, Peace came upon me! I tried a few times with a piece of carpet I carry for some forward momentum, all to no avail. We had food, water, Spot was on and a fully charged SAT phone, and yet I never thought I would need them. Half an hour went by as suddenly I heard the thumping, the sweet sound of a dirt bike coming our way. It was. He stopped. He introduced himself. “Roberto”, visiting from Mexico.
He said “You are Ara…”. I got the chills and I said yes. He parked his bike, took his helmet off, pushed, got us off the deep sand, shook my hand again, I forgot to take his photo, and there he went, disappeared. It all happened so quickly. I was stunned. I am not anymore. You know why. I am filled with the same Peace when we ride and the deer crosses ahead of us, there is never a close call. I am at Peace when today the Red Tail Hawk flew with me for the longest time when passing by his tree he was perched on. And more then at any other times, as I am at Peace with you, I am also at Peace with my Friend Robin. I see you smile, I now see those green eyes of yours sparkle. You waited a long time. Do you remember all those pretty girls you always met when we walked along together? When I always use to poke your ribs and say “how about me?”, jokingly, as you would reply “Oh! Dad… you are too old…”. Thank you for now thinking I am not as old as I was…
Love you always my Son.
One Dollar a Month goes a long way with us. If you find yourself perusing this site extensively, please, consider purchasing Prints, Merchandise or making a contribution above to help us with Internet costs.