“The thought is constant – go to the Church of Nature. Let the tired and worn out go. Go! Drop it and Go! Go to the beauty of Life that is free and open to everyone. Go and just be there in it, as a part of it.” ~ Chris Highland ~ [Introduction of the “Meditations of John Muir” – Nature’s Temple –]
This is a City Lance always wanted to come and visit. An open invitation from his Grand Mother always standing. He never made it. A Church was inviting today with it’s myriad of candles I considered lit for the departed ones. I might have the wrong idea about it all, but those were my own thoughts and Lance had “his” today for the time it brightly shined till my blurred vision overwhelmed had to turn away and walk down the aisles. Who am I to think anyone would truly understand, do I even want to? There is no need, I am strong enough to carry the burden, and is it even a “burden”? as for some as my Mother it is not and is only part of the meaning of Life in it’s true acceptance of it all, an acceptance I cannot swallow its conceptual enormity. There is an incredibly important question I had for her, finally asked “Has Lance’s departure changed any values in your Life? Has it taught you any new aspect of this stage we all live on?”. Interestingly the answer was “no”. Another page, another chapter, another time, a different generation maybe so rooted from where maybe growth is just not thinkable anymore?
I received an e mail today writing how different this past Journal of mine was. I had a bit of a smile, a bit of a grin and a bit of an “emptiness” that only keeps raising it’s walls with the days going by, “home” now being a word I know is on the horizon. To this person I say… “look where I am, look at my recent past of the past four years spend in Deserts, Mountain tops and Valleys away from it all”, “Spirit and I for the first time separated”, yes, as another Friend wrote, it seems as I am a “stranger in a strange land”. I am. Give me Spirit, give me “Old Faithful”, turn us loose and watch how quickly the coin will shine as I know this Continent’s Nature’s Temple is one to be experienced once if not more often. I know it because I was born here (France) and have lived here close to thirty years.
Beautiful City, beautiful structures and strange enough I have to see what others do not, or are tempered to the thoughts which are just too inherent to me, too by now invisible to those others that have lived here for ever, are now part of the stones graying by age through the rough times of Nature of an Urban kind. Society has changed so much, so much so that when once only a shadow of the surroundings, they are now in control of such same surroundings filling it with “trash”, a despicable word as I cannot find another one better suited. When watching the beautiful fountains, the amazing man made towers taking birth in baths of waters, the cobblestone streets on which the City has given us the priviledge to stroll without the threat of motorized vehicles, I am hurt, more, by the hands throwing away the empty wrappers, the cigarette butts, the defunct bottles and so much more I cannot and will not describe.
“But to get all this into words is a hopeless task. The leanest sketch of each feature would need a whole chapter. Nor would any amount of space, however industriously scribbled, be of much avail. To defrauded town toilers, parks in magazine articles are like pictures of bread to the hungry. I can write only hints to incite good wanderers to come to the feast” ~ Chris Highland ~ [Meditations of John Muir]
My Mother herself was surprised of my noticing. My Mother, the upmost detail oriented person. But I should probably not go there. My mind and my sights of such defraud need to escape the path. I keep thinking it must be the same in most larger cities. Is it? My memories of Europe from not too long ago are a bit shattered, specially Germany having the foremost reputation of cleanliness. The World is changing, sadly enough, it has changed more so than ever when being transported from stages such as “The Oasis” to the elaborate “Munich” backdrop.
We are making the best of it all. The mood is on the upswing. Two strangers maybe not coming to terms but “accepting” each other’s path, paths so opposite they could not each be of more extremes. Maybe a slight correction here. I am the Child, I have always accepted her path, actually respected her’s as a single woman since her mid thirties to “make it” in this true harsh environment. My only wish for her to move on to the USA is as I can now only foresee it as a distant dream. The roots are deep here, beautiful apartment, a safe and quiet neighborhood, a few cafes near by, weekly Friends for the weekly gossip. Her Life has been here. It would be in comparison as if Spirit and I moved here. How can I realistically envision it all for us to be closer? I can only wait as she herself does and experience what Life will bring on these next moments ahead of us.
The weather is not cooperating much, we have fallen into a routine more than anything else. Going to town a couple subways stops away, having lunch, Mother tired going on home and myself staying out a couple more hours walking and walking new streets in amazement of it all for more reasons than one. These years on the road have left me behind it all, dead last, any chance surfacing within today’s society has been obliterated. Give me “Valley of the Gods”, power me up to “Gravelly Range Road”, lay me down calmly next to Spirit on “Prairie Meadows”, and let me be, just let me be.
You be well… always.
Ara & Spirit