“Perhaps humankind, in the middle of its path… is nearer to it’s actual goal than it will be at the end” ~ Freidrich Nietzsche
We have been here 24hrs and I have done nothing but posted a new entry in our Journal and cooked a very unattractive dinner last night consisting of rice and chicken. How did I manage to make it so boring I have no clue. I am afraid to move as it will break the silence I am listening to. Only Spirit is noisy, now and then, with his afternoon nap while snoring, nap I will join in soon. The skies are clear, blue without a cloud unlike yesterday upon us, and the temperature will hit 95 today. Probably more. So much for staying cool. I tried a couple times to push myself to do something, anything even if just unpacking. It is not happening. Not yet. The body and the mind have gone dormant. This too shall pass as I am enjoying this state of total non accomplishment. The vegetation has grown a bit. I like that too. Mother Nature is trying to take back the few square feet I had cleared up as I am realizing it was not a need neither. The Fire Ring, my Center of the Universe, however it will need some attention as for some reason also it also looks smaller, feels smaller. I think it is ready for some growth, when the weather gets a bit cooler.
All is just too comfy here. Telephone, internet, water compliments of my Friends Voni and Paul up the road who again loaned me a 300 gallon jug, plenty of wood left over from last season, the 87lb canvas tent which will go up soon when I get some help, and the main factor, the best attribute of them all… there is no check out time. I am finding often here still so hard to live for the moment. I have to look at Spirit and talk to him to remind myself of such a simple and yet often ambitious Lifestyle. I am jumping ahead into winter already. The Photo Show in Bisbee next month, much camping into the Parks, the cold weather as it will probably not hit 95 but 110 today, (it did, 117), “stuff” to do and mainly this Book that I have started, so ready for it to lay down the words for those 300 pages or so ahead of me.
The Book with the same title “The Oasis of my Soul” and a subtitle “Lifelong Journey under the Stars” will be a reflection of my Journal. Dedicated to Lance. I am not who I was four years ago, I can only edit what I have written then while at the bottom of the ladder not even thinking about how to climb the steps ahead. It will be in a backward chronological time, starting today with the final chapter being the first or so. I would like to include a DVD of photos pertaining to each chapters. Being self published most likely I hope it is a conceivable idea to complement the Journey. This brings me to the “time” factor as often I will not write as much text in this present Journal but photos which I will never stop taking. There is no other way to fit it all in. There are still so many undiscovered by us areas in the vicinity, opportunities for Photography is and will always be present. My Winter project.
A day has passed now, suddenly my inner energy has come back. I see a starting line again, one of the many that has lined the path of these past years. I think we will go for a night time ride, it is 113 right now, in a couple hours all should cool down. Since I started writing my Book I have been thinking a lot about these past four years. Thinking a lot about Lance who’s Birthday is coming up. 33. What a promising young man he was and still is in my own Memory. The pain has not subsided, sometimes I don’t know what to call it as a force pushes me to go on doing what we do and yet when “still” and our eyes meet I can only break down, the present escapes me and nothing in this Life truly matters anymore. Those are the moments I always feel closest to him. I cherish them. Friends I have call it “courage”, I myself think it is only my own character and personality not to give up on my promise. The alternative always seems too easy.
I do think about the notion of a substitute Life. I thought about it when we arrived a couple days ago. So Peaceful here, serene, no one only a few ever come here, I thought why cannot the rest of the World be as such, why could I not just “be”? Everyone just “be”. Could I be accomplishing a big nothing? No one would ever stop me, or for that matter blame me. What thirst has come upon me to watch this reel of Life that has not stopped frame by frame unraveling continuously. And what am I really achieving besides putting my thoughts into words and taking photos of our surroundings? I realize always it is of climbing that ladder, the interminable one, the one with it’s last step always in the shadows, that last step which is the one which moves me forward incessantly. The one which I will most likely never see while alive as I think if ever for any reason I do step on it, it will be the end of it all.
You be well… always.
Ara & Spirit