“Man cannot discover new Oceans unless he has the courage to loose sight of the shore” ~ Andre Gide ~
Taped conversations with myself… “The Oasis of my Soul” script has been going on for a while. Two years to be exact. The latest news… this morning arrived I will call it one of the last versions as it never is an ending process it seems like. For the first time I was truly moved as the Writers~Directors I feel finally as I say it “got it”. Of course what would fit in two hours that has taken 4 years and over 550 chapters and yet has to end? That has been the difficult part. The many messages that have been present throughout are now also present in the script. Whether this happens or not, there is a joy within me that it has gone this far, that an Agency such as William Morris and such Award winning Directors are deeply involved. Karma will take it’s path and what is meant to happen will happen.
We are a couple hundred miles from Lander. The cameras have not made their appearances today, they will once we get there after much sorting out. As usual I try to travel light and it is just not happening. We had found a scale in Moab where without camping gear, Spirit and I on the hack, we tipped at exactly 1350 lbs. Another 100 lbs of gear just to be generous, we total 1,450 lbs. Poor Old Faithful… I will be as always gentle. I forgot what true passes are as climbing to 10,000 feet and on down a couple of times throughout this beautiful desolate country on 191 which again reminds me how many Lifetimes it would take to experience it all.
I feel as I have been a flatlander for a while now as the landscape was almost of a forgotten one. The clouds are still tinted from the vermilions of the sunrise, they are throwing blobs of shade on these peaks and valleys and yet, surprisingly I am not stopping. I want to get to Lander as deep inside I feel a new beginning of an old Journey. The yellow lines keep moving forward and for some reason, another reason I am not stopping, Lance is so much with me on these early hours of the day, I don’t want him to go away, I don’t want to disturb the flow of his company.
My heart is beating fast, my vision is beyond it all, I am lost in my thoughts of years past again. It is a comfortable space as I know now what to expect, as I know today how to accept also this darker side of this coin I will always be carrying. There is no schedule of his true appearances, I never know when and where strongly his presence appears, but I am always now ready as nothing else truly matters as all else can wait as they have been for a long time it seems now. As my own Birthday, just a date on a calendar, slowly is making it’s appearance I am also realizing that I have lived twice as long as he has. I have stopped thinking as to the why’s of how did I receive such a gift of so many years and he did not, and yet I would so much do anything and trade those years. Oh! so unfair it is and yet, no one ever said Life was going to be fair. I know that.
I am happy to feel my sadness as I also feel the strength he gives me to go on, his eternal gift for as long as I will be around. Without a choice I accept so gladly both sides of that coin as it has built my own little World, the one I am comfortable to navigate throughout it’s maze, it’s space I really never look for it’s exit, the only stretch of time that is so totally mine isolated from it all, these moments that have become my true sanctuary filled with Peace and Love for the present and past, I hope the future. My Friend wrote to me the other day pointing out with his words how much courage I have to go on, to have turned my back to what so many would call a “normal” Life. I don’t know about that I replied… courage? I am only fueled I feel by the strength it takes as the choices are only of two. To give up or to go on. It is not in my nature to give up, never been neither in Lance’s nature to do so. We are not quitter…
We will be in the company of my good Friends KC and Mia soon today. I go back a few years ago when we left, Spirit and I, when all I wanted was to be alone with him as I often say “behind that boulder”. The path has so much changed today as I still seek for that boulder and at the same time so happy to be in the presence of such close Friends, a Family we have chosen. I wish such presence on everyone as truly it is the only authentic gift Life can give us today.
This will be the last round of photos from the Festival. They can also be found on my Smugmug Gallery. Not many words today… many photos. I am aware for those who will complain that my words do not match my photos. It is just the way it happens. Since we are on the road without much bandwidth the photos of the Galleries are in 800 x … size. If anyone would like the originals you can just e mail me, I would be happy to then upload the originals you would need.
Be well, always. It is our choice.
Ara & Spirit
“Please do not e mail us with attachments. No forwards. No photos. No funny cartoons. Text only. Photos? Please use links only from a Photo Gallery”