“Before me in the darkness, there was no trace of activity or humanity. I might have been looking as far as the edge of the world and seeing not another Human Being or the evidence of another Human ever having been there. And out of the night before me, the wind brought to my ears only one sound, perhaps the loneliest sound one can hear, the barely audible faraway ululation of a coyote wailing as if he mourned for something lost and gone” ~ “Gary Jennings” [Aztec]
"Life is as always a Taco filled to the edges, sometimes a soft shell, sometimes a hard one"
My Friend (I have a few) wrote to me the other day mentioning after reading my last "personal" entry, that I seemed to be in "funk" state of mind. Mood? I had to look it up. I had to read again what I myself wrote and morning came hitting me as a hammer on a hard shell not yet cracked head. Here I was often thinking about the many in their daily cubicles, mental and or physical, and their freedom sought after, here I was realizing that I have been slowly building my own resulting in my "funk" and now unwelcomed mood. Winter was winter, sometimes the choice for adventure unless in a cage rolling down the roads with a roof and a heater, well the choice is just not there for us. I have soften, another truthful realization, and cold as in freezing weather is just not as welcome as it use to be.
Spring is now here or is it summer? I should know as lately the word and object called a "calendar" has creped into my Life. Could a watch be next? My hair stands up just thinking about it! I spend hours on end trying to figure out where did I go wrong, off the path that has been, and know will again, so welcoming. It has been a painful realization, a hurtful one and damage control as I like to call it is on it’s way.
There was no easy way for me to realize that over time this once soft Taco shell had became a hard one through my constant, and I so much dislike this word, schedule. Schedule to have a regular rendezvous with Mr Internet. How sad and how badly it has restrained my real sense of Adventure. I love to write, I love photography, I enjoy them for what they are within my own liking of both and not as a competitive commercial entity adorned with numbers and ranks. I enjoy them because I can channel away this incessant working and digging and thinking mind of mine into a concrete projection, as I call it, "on paper".
I was in Moab the other evening and three riders approached me as they have been reading these pages for a while. Of course they recognized Spirit and Old Faithful, I am only the third Musketeer that can actually speak and happy to always, at least try, to stay and remain in the background. Nice guys, it was their last evening in Moab after
having ridden the White Rim Trail. We chatted for a while, they took some photos and we parted. They came back a few minutes later wanting to invite me for dinner at their campsite. I declined as I wanted to get back here, our own campsite. This is the painful part, the part I would change if I could reverse time, will change on our future path. I declined because "it was the evening to publish our Journal". It was… scheduled, planned, due… I have no words to express how I later felt and how I feel right now… Stupid is one of them… Plain and simple suddenly, not the writing, not the photography, but that "clicking" that "publish" little tiny window had turned into an obligation. A self indulged one for that matter as my Friend pointed out.
I remember a rider last year having fallen into what I call "this trap" while on his 3 months Journey around the country. He use to check into motels at any cost of price just so he could post his ride report. I tried to explain him, to make him understand to enjoy the quality of his Journey, the moments, to forget the task he had given himself to publish such times ruining his adventures through deadlines of self imposed schedules. And here I have been a year later myself constricted to cut short traveling times toward a destination, or no destination, to only be able to click on what could wait and wait as our time is ours at this stage of our Life and no one else’s.
I could have most likely bypassed writing these… unscheduled words, but as my freedom of expression never quits on me, as I also wanted to thank my Friend Brian steering me back to my own personal path, here they are… Part of my Taco with again now a soft shell! This might just help others on the same hook. I don’t float through Life, I know this is my last go around, the ramifications of a decision taken a few years back and sometimes as I think we all do, I do not see as well as others from outside the box.
And what does all this mean? It means a timeless again Journey, it means that “publish” little “window” will await no schedule as what awaits us are the hidden spaces yet to be discovered and felt. We bumped into a Movie set where Microsoft was I was told spending 5 million dollars to make a commercial based on “Thelma and Louise’s” Movie. It was interesting to say the least as I also found out that extras make $350 a day. Could be something to look into. The video below is our last ride on Moky Dugway as I know many get nervous riding it, there is really nothing to it.
Ara & Spirit
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