“On the road, where change is continuous and visible, time is not; rather it is something the rider only infers. Time is not the traveler’s fourth dimension – change is”
[all quotes] “blue highways” ~ William Least Heat-Moon
I find it pretty amazing, for as crowded as this Earth is, to find my own spaces of solitude with Spirit where I can let loose of my thoughts into words, dig into my senses to fully discover their path. Such was the case on River Rd today, along the Rio Grande, a special hideaway which often gives me the much needed refuge. I have never taken photos of this space, never wanted to till today as we are leaving the area in a few. Much hiking, it felt good, it was hot and comfortable all at the same time. There is no straight path to arrive to the banks, a little bit of climbing, a little bit of slipping backwards, just as everyone’s days, it was present. We finally sat there for a long time, Spirit taking it all in as myself writing. I waited till Sunset for the photos.
It has been days now since the news of my Friend having Cancer. Yes, Spirit’s incident, bronchitis, all plays and has played lately a part in this mental and physical entourage of mine, but I know, as maybe I did not admit it to myself till today, that the news are devastating me. They are, what else can I say? Old emotions have come back hunting me, this weight in my chest has added itself a few pounds, a certain unimaginable anger simmers within me as seemingly the stage we are on tilts in my dreams and all washes away in this tumultuous storm suddenly portrayed by this Life so at times unforgiving. We are in the midst of leaving, rolling those wheels through a span that has always held me up these past years, the beauty of it all, the essence of the forever changing sceneries from a palette always so generous. Today I keep thinking if the colors are truly going to be so vivid, so spacious, so as in the past “surprising” as there, a few miles away, is a close Soul, a close Friend struggling with his own stage as one should not be, but so often does.
It is there, up within this mind that keeps on unraveling those thoughts unbalanced again so over flown seeking strength trying to barter with it all. And yet, I so much know it is reality, a fact of existence I have known too well for the past years. The conflicts, the battles, the attempts to deal with it all never cease. It’s Life as I know it too well. It is night and day, it is the laughter and the cries, the smiles and the tears, it never stops. What do we do? Do we graciously paint an eternal smile and shrug a shoulder and go on within our own merry way? We cannot. There is too much awareness halting it all. Aren’t we Humans? Do we keep instead that frown making us all then on labeled as a grimace through these days we ourselves have left to go on? The hours keep on bouncing, the ball keeps on rolling, I only want to pick up some strength as I loose an even remote explanation of a solution toward this puzzle which only I can label an impasse as whatever our dreams have been, the stones are choking this seeked exit or is it an entrance?
I am mad at my Friend, I am not mad at him. With no roots per say my own Life has always been drifting from the multitude spaces I have lived in. From Europe to the East Coast to the West Coast and all in between. If there has been any resemblance of beginning it has been Bill. Bill and Kammie. From the day years ago when we met in Venice, Florida, at a motorcycle rally, to the months spend with both of them after Lance passed away and yet sad when we parted as I needed to start getting a Life of my own. I have always said with a smile “Kammie kicked me out!”, and that was a sad day, but a needed one. How many could live together for months and every day be as a new day so much getting along in one household. He introduced me to track day “Classes” which I had refused so adamantly originally proclaiming that I knew how to ride! Little did I know. I was at their wedding… we shared food in Louisiana… we did all the silly things Friends do together… we met up this past summer in Wyoming and the conversations went on as it had never stopped, and as he says “we laugh so hard we could not stop crying!”. I am so mad. We have a lot of catching up to do this coming summer.
“Maybe that’s what we really felt in the stones: how man is the tool of his dreams, dreams that ride only to fall back to Earth” [“blue highways” ~ William Least Heat-Moon]
I wonder how everyone else deals with these storms coming up blowing from the horizon with no mercy. I really don’t know. Maybe I do as I weather it, but deep down the mystery remains toward trying to reach a level acceptable never attained. There is a question mark and maybe it is the core of our path which again and again does not have answers as either sides of this puzzle of Life does not correlate with an acceptable solution. And I know that, have known that, only today out of nowhere as usual, as in the past, as maybe I am sure as the future will continue unveiling, this stone of dark granite has risen making it’s mark. I send strength to my Friend, we still have much laughing to do, he is of a strong character, I look forward to seeing him very soon. He is part of this Journey also, this “Oasis of my Soul”.
Till next time, you be well, always.
Ara & Spirit
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