“The immensity of Sky and Desert, their vast absences, reduced me. It was as if I was evaporating, and it was calming and cleansing to be absorbed by that vacancy. Whitman says “O to realize Space! The plenteousness of all, that there are no bounds. To emerge and be of the sky, of the Sun and Moon and flying clouds, as one with them’ “ ~ William Least Heat-Moon ~ [blue highways]
I today know it is morning, the skies are still black, it is 28 degrees outside and as yet I could sleep probably for another half a day. I am restless. Too much companionship with the outside World has left my communion in a weak stage of mind. My batteries are depleted, thoughts past have left me weak and disturbed of what maybe awaits us down the road hoping it is not. My continuous perception of Life as it is for us into the moment slams it’s weight so hard from right to left to any which way, I have to run away deeper and find my companion and make Peace with her as maybe she has felt as a betrayal on my part. The Desert is here, and yet at times I think I forget or is it I do not perceive into it’s each grain of sand that forms her as only tumble down her stairs to glance at an incomplete image for because I have not taken the time.
Step by step, crawling back I put a distance between what was and what is. The barren land welcomes me again, she allows me to come in as only I want to be there, stand alone, be nurtured, lifted by her comprehension and repent from having strayed into another dimension that often no more welcomes me as I thought it did in the past. How long can I stay I wonder within this arid land as I try also for my Soul and my Mind depleted lately to be replenished as new horizons awaits for us. They are screams from inside of me as the landscape laying ahead is undisturbed from my thoughts. I have expectations I should not have, assumptions which should not exist as it’s moral can only be accepted and yet I do not want to. I do not wish to be filled by another absence within my time here by loosing another Friend. Again.
All is still. How can all be so stunning, the skies slowly turning of a pale blue so delicately mixed in with the shades of pink as the sun way far in the horizon is making it’s way up to give us a head start on this another upcoming day. How many more of these will I myself witness and be present to relish and fancy? It is not eternal as we are not and sometimes the anchor of the moment only gets away to slip within the tumultuous thoughts when I think of what awaits too soon others that know of their here and now future as I should also know but do not.
“ She longed for the true Journey of an Odysseus or Ishmael or Gulliver or even a Dorothy of Kansas, wherein passage through space and time becomes only a metaphor of a movement through the interior of being. A true Journey, no matter how long the travel takes, has no end. ‘Nothing ever bridged the gulf between the man who went and the man who stayed behind’ “ [quote]
Slowly, minute by minute, as the hands of this Life of ours never cease moving on, time appeases the inner day that woke me up within turbulent waters as the landscape getting it’s first light has it’s message written with every step taken. Undisturbed by one’s thoughts only trying to convey to just be as who am I to even think I could change ever so slightly the course taken into a future always so uncertain. It’s doors are never shut, and yet as wide open as they are, the path leading to those well oiled hinges are at times so hard to find as clouded by my own emotions drifting into the fog that settled, only needing a slight push of my breath to be nudged away ever so gently allowing me to focus as it should be.
And now it is time to let it go, it is time to accept the consequences of just plainly and simply being here. Nothing can be changed, none. Acceptance is the hard part, that realization that what will be “will be”. The mind goes around in circles exhausting so often this inner Soul, and yet we should and can only smile at that realization, the so simple one, the one that always has stared at us from day one, the one we cannot confront with disagreement and refusal, as the recognition of the present is the only path that will allow the so much needed cooperation throughout these times regardless of their intricacies and complexities too often laying down on this blanket of confusion.
The “Dugout Wells” had a welcome sign hanging for us under the cautious stares of a red tail fox and the sound of the water trickling from the well pumped by the wind mill. Another ‘Oasis” near by “The Oasis”. All within our Desert. And yes, here, there is such a thing as the “golden hour”.
Till next time, you be well, always.
Ara & Spirit
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