“You never feel better than when you start feeling good after you’ve been feeling bad” ~ William Least Heat-Moon ~ “blue highways”
Today the skies, the mercury bar, all pointed in the up direction. We jump always on the occasion to get that wind blowing on our faces and these past hours were no exception. We went on to Terlingua, visiting our Friend Ring and his birds from “Many Stones”, conversating with another Friend, Blair Pittman (I hope I can call him “my Friend”) as always being interesting conversations, today about his immense knowledge on the Texas Caves and more. Both of his Books “Tales from The Terlingua Porch” and “More Tales from The Terlingua Porch” are truly a must and such a pleasure to read. We actually did go on to the Porch ourselves for a short while, stepped into the local Church which always takes me away into calmer and meditative waters, a bit of shopping and back we are now. Those are the photos. The rest of the words, well, sometimes my thoughts get away from me early morning…
How strange it is when others write “You must be living your Dream”. Maybe the reflection of this Journal shows the aspect previously stated most everyone thinks, but “Bitter~Sweet” is always the word that comes to mind. I am not tired being on the road, I am actually tired of not being on the road as much lately. It is the season. I wonder if I am fooling myself as my desire to move and move on some more has never diminished, if nothing else has increased, as also the logistics of the Journey become easier, almost second nature, at the same time a financial burden which I so often have to ignore. As I wake up every morning, the realization of “moving” increases it’s certitude of it’s definition “Food for the Soul”. Paradise is here at “The Oasis”, there is no doubt about it, the photos from a few days ago I go back to and myself look at, shows the splendor of it all. And yet, if we could leave right now, at this very minute, I would start the engines and roll down the roads awaiting for us. Both, “Old Faithfull’s” and mine. Spirit is always ready.
And why don’t I? I ask myself that question almost daily. I am not handling bad weather as well as I use to. The cold, the rains, well, I am waiting for them to pass on. Winter “stuff” I call also holds me back. Medical Doctors, Dentists as even those rounds are not over yet. My own Spirituality betrays me often. My living for “now” opens it’s door to questions marks not so maybe distinct but as shadows on the horizon, question marks I want to suddenly for them to be instead focused. I can now only always move on forward as it is too late to turn around. The Lifestyle has itself taken roots within me and whatever struggle can be present with it’s logistics has to be confronted as I do gladly.
I have to go back often to my initial decision to have left behind a nice rented house at the foothills of the Georgia Mountains, a profession I excelled at after 40 years of practice in too many kitchens to even remember them all, everything that went away throughout the garage sales and gifts to Friends. It was as a cleansing, a new book was about ready to start as I truly never looked back, only exploring the roots of that mediation with that then present Life. I have to look at my present being, who I have become, how things have changed these past over 3 years now. Is it a long time? Is is a short time? It is just time I feel, time which has brought on much transformation. The habitat has always been here, not much of the surroundings have changed in the past centuries, the remodeling has been within me and yet it’s dust has a long way to go before it settles down, that is if ever that day will happen.
I would not be here if Lance would have still himself been present. This is not my way to erase the profound pain attached to my “here and now”. It is only my way to create a precarious balance throughout the nights and days rolling on. I can sit by that rock, I can lay in the middle of that field of blossoming flowers, I can ride the less traveled roads or hike the narrow passages throughout the canyons and I can peacefully think about him now. Even when my guts are torn and knotted, even when my tears soak up this weathered face, it is the privacy of my surroundings that allows me to go on, it is in contrast the beauty of such laid out roads, canyons, mountain tops or creeks by the valleys. It is the silence surrounding me that allows me to hear him, to read his words, to listen to his thoughts, all is as if he was not only present within my Soul but also standing in front of me as the young man he always was.
“The young man he always was”… There is a silhouette always present in my own presence, it is of a young man, sparkling eyes, soft spoken, green sparkling eyes I should say, I know exactly their hues. Years have past, I will never know what shape the silhouette so cherished would have become. I will never know if when a light shined on that face if those hues would have changed or not. And maybe it is better to leave it as such, like an image so present never changing as also my own memory can remain with the past “present”. Yes, we go on, the roads await for us, Mother Nature’s own faces offers a diversity so needed to carry me through the passages of this Life always present, they are never closed, there are no screens of confession between us, all is wide open.
“I live the Dream”, yes. If the reasons of being here would have been different it is I am sure everyone’s Dream to keep on traveling as we do.
Till next time, you be well, always, it is our best choice.
Ara & Spirit
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