There is a trough in waves, a low spot where horizon disappears and only sky and water are our company.
And there we lose our way unless we rest, knowing the wave will bring us to its crest again.
There we may drown if we let fear hold us within its grip and shake us side to side, and leave us flailing, torn, disoriented.
But if we rest there in the trough, are silent, being with the low part of the wave, keeping our energy and noticing the shape of things, the flow, then time alone will bring us to another place where we can see horizon, see the land again, regain our sense of where we are, and where we need to swim.
~ Judy Brown ~
Sometimes there is just nothing to say, or is there? It is the “trough”. I am in it right now, wet and soaked I am waiting, I am patient, I am trying to let go of the future not yet here, senseless desire. None is blank, but the desire to roam freely is curtailed. Winter has it’s way at times to penetrate deep into one’s core and squeak the brakes, maybe not to a halt but for sure with a change in the momentum. I am not going to complain about the cold, but it is “glacial” as I call it, it is 12 degrees outside right now, as I feel it is all part of this “global warming” I myself hear so much about. So right before the “bad forecast”, a trip to Terlingua is always good. I had picked a day when the propane was not available till 2pm, not purposely. Maybe it meant also no one would be out as the town was truly a Ghost Town, deserted or maybe out to chop and stack that non existent wood. Even the hours posted for Kosmic Kafe were a lie that day, again we just have not been able to catch a good pulled pork burrito for a long time now. I think the doors are only open in accordance to the influx of tourists lately and the ambient temperatures. I’ll be back for sure.
We stopped from one place to another, every door had the same locking mechanism in effect, no food then but munch from within the grocery store purchases. Then it was the bad news. No phone service. AT&T has totally cut me off from roaming! Two consecutive months when roaming is over 40% within the total calls and when data, roaming again, is over 24Mb. No warning… Three phone calls later from a phone booth did not have a better result. They even had the kindness to tell me to look for another carrier, there would not be any penalties because of early termination, adding I should consider myself lucky I was not totally disconnected even within AT&T towers. That is because I am labeled “a good customer”. Great service! She was very adamant even raising her voice expressing that they do not want anyone to roam, they are loosing money. But… but… I see “free roaming…”. No use. Being shocked was an understatement as never having any problem for all my years with Alltel. When asked why there was no roaming “icon”, I was told that a previous icon had created too many problems with customers. Anyone needs a slightly used I Phone?
I do want to take the opportunity now to also ask to please, please do not e mail me attachments as so many do. Huge photos are and have constantly been on the incoming path, photo galleries and links are designed for those. I have had that problem last summer also as again being shut down with another Internet carrier. It cost me dearly to get back on their plan and had to choose a pricier one. I probably will include this request on every Blog, the cost has become too prohibitive for me at this point to even change carrier and purchase another phone or most likely even stay connected throughout this coming summer wherever we camp. So I am left with no cell phone connection and Internet is so much also now up in the air. This might shock many, but, we are so much in roaming areas I don’t think most do realize the prohibitive expenses to stay connected. This is not the “City Life”.
We end up after those eventful phone calls to “The Porch” having nothing else to do but wait. No one again in sight, even Dr Doug was hurrying somewhere camouflaged in at least 3 coats. I had entered the “Terlingua Trading Company” many times but never with a camera to search for what I thought would make a nice video highlighting the store, after asking for permission of course. I never realized they carried so much “stuff”, huge inventory including good free coffee, the best thing that had happened yet that day besides a couple earlier shots of this Lady and her cat and bumping into our local great guitar player “Doug”. Doug I think was busy giving a lesson and the Lady with her Cat, well, of course I forgot her name. Memory is so much failing lately. My attempt to black and white Photography.
I laid down last night on the ground for a while in my sleeping bag, there was no moon out, total darkness with no lights except for the intense Stars reflecting back at me. I felt as this grain of sand being myself had even diminished a bit that day as in the big scheme of things, how truly important was all this “phone affair”. I was upset at myself for being disturbed about it all, as maybe even if it is an important aspect of this Journey, well, I had stopped living the moment as if under this Universe blanketing me, there would be anything I could change. Somehow, some way, sometimes all falls in place and often not taking a decision is truly the best decision. Will ride the wave some more.
“Being here scares me a bit, it is the most unencumbered space I have ever been in these past two years. It is a space where I already feel my mind expanding allowing my thoughts and my feelings float freely with no hold or boundaries, only myself trying to set parameters as to not sink in within this multicolor path. I want to remain within a healthy mind and not let the obscure thoughts and feelings take over the nights and days filled with such beauty, such generous landscape Mother Nature is providing me with.”
I often go back to my own writing. It is so easy to get off the path I so much cherish, I so much feel as maybe I did that day. The “Balance Point” tilted those moments only because I let it. I forgot within my present moments the Gift that I have been surrounded with. They are those close calls that only prove so much how “much” Human we are, as it is a beautiful thing for the time we are allowed being here to experience this allowance.
Till next time, you all be well, always, it is our best choice.
Ara & Spirit