“There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousands tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief… and unspeakable Love” [Quote]
I am still with you Lance… You know that. Regardless of a laughter, regardless of these days my thoughts being in parallel with my Friends, I am still with you. I have not been alone that much lately and as I am at this very moment, I miss you even more. I now know more than ever why I like my solitude and my times alone. It is only because they are the moments you and I are together as best we can. These are not tears of joy and yet this is the most we will now ever have hand in hand. So I will take this time with you as I so much cherish your company. This is what we are left with, I cannot ask for more as I know more will never be fulfilled, unless some day that unknown behind the present walls will mean again giving back our embrace.
My gracious Hosts and Friends throughout Thanksgiving week, Carl and Colette
I have written you diligently day after day as you have always replied with your own words, thoughts, and have also always addressed me yourself. I have traveled thousands of miles and photographed more than most in their own one Lifetime. You have been always present in every picture Mother Nature has herself been kind enough to present us. What more could I today ask for? You have been the single immobile deer on the side of the road watching me go by as I slowed down and locked eyes with you, you have been the coyote graciously walking by with a glance only toward me, you have been the hawk flying seemingly for ever so close that I could feel your wings caressing my space. You have been so much more, you have been everywhere I have been. Yet I know we both have the same request, the same Dream and if even they are unanswered, replied within this Life of ours in the best fashion possible, we have to take the silence of no reply as one always.
I felt so far these past days from the ground I always see you and feel you so well. Kindness has surrounded me, my Dear Friends have more than open their arms and harts to me, and yet I feel as a piece of me has remained back at “The Oasis” where you always are. I cannot see that far tonight, I cannot hear the silence that use to prevail allowing me to ascertain your words, there are walls and facades and such feelings from such strangers all around that at times my loneliness is unequaled from times past. There is no dark blue, sometimes black, skies blanketed by the myriads of Stars as I know you are one always looking upon even when the Moon is out throwing it’s glare to make me see you and feel you better.
“But I think it is also good to see yourself reflected in the eyes of Friends who do live in that environment. You bring something of great value to their lives … knowing that they have a friend who is strong enough to live the way you do. Not everyone can! Some people would go mad because they are not brave enough to be alone. Did you know that you are brave…” A Friend wrote this today, I know she is my Friend as I am honored to be her’s. It made me think a lot, as much as I could. I never find much passed on value on my part, I never find much strength within myself, by no means not the intense and solid foundation that you have had at such an early age. The strength is even today “yours” only passing it on to me and my need to be in such past spaces only proves it.
It proves it because of no barrier between us as I cannot stand any. There are no walls were I spend my winter months, there is no pollution of any forms or shapes reaching my mind as here within a space of incessant noises, as I feel suddenly everyone’s strength is for some unknown reason judged on one’s loudness. There is only smoke from our burning fire warming up the now cold air I live within because I still want to be outside hearing and seeing you the best I can, as much as I can. “The Oasis” is so much unique and I have always seeked these past years such equaled spaces as I know you also will then be right next to me. I have sometimes found them, sometimes not as I always promise myself that I will. And I will more and more as I just plainly realize that surrounded by crowds only disenchants me to no end.
Spirit and I are on our last leg of our return. Years past I would have never thought twice about delaying our ride as yesterday. I must be getting “soft”. Changes throughout the years as maybe I am becoming a fair weather rider only. The window of opportunity was today and will be tomorrow, the miles also have lessen as three hundred seems to be the magic number, gone are the six hundred to ….. miles per day. I hope the fire will be burning tomorrow night as more cold is eminent with a full Moon as a companion and you up in the skies, the brightest Star of them all. My own Star “Lance”.
Till next time, you all be well, always, it is our best choice.
Ara & Spirit