It is time. The huge summer has gone by.
Now overlap the sundials with your shadows,
and on the meadows let the wind go free.
Command the fruits to swell on tree and vine;
grant them a few more warm transparent days,
urge them on to fulfillment then, and press
the final sweetness into the heavy wine.
Whoever has no house now, will never have one.
Whoever is alone will stay alone,
will sit, read, write long letters through the evening,
and wander the boulevards, up and down,
restlessly, while the dry leaves are blowing.
[Rainer Maria Rilke ~ 4 December 1875 – 29 December 1926]
I just finished my monthly jar of "Nutella", one of my own extravagance along with roasting my own coffee. How can I relate this fact to any kind of a philosophical approach when truly it is only to satisfy my taste buds and so "yes", I feel better. All these thoughts, nothing overwhelming so far, because at the same time reading one’s comment about liking my photos and philosophical approach to Life transposed often into words.
I had this morning the always pleasant and enlightening stop over at my Friends up the road, Voni and Paul. Her and I sat to talk a bit about it. She by the way does not care for Nutella, but instead "Chocolate Peanut Butter"… Too much information I think here. A few years back when Lance departed for his new World it was the start of my own falling apart. The treatment at the time resulted in major prescription medication consumption. Doctors solutions. Off and on, on and off, I started seeing the big picture of such intake consequences. Numb, less pain, zombie like passage from night to day never ending or even grasping their presence. But that all was only on the surface of the Life lived at the time, as Voni said it so well, Life surrounded with “cotton balls” as I will add, “with a heart still bleeding but unable for it to flow”.
I have always been a Spiritual person, trying to truly shed some light into my inner Life, one always to this day still filled with such and so many imperfections. I have always felt it being nurturing, compassionate toward the present moments, the common denominator being within even hovering under dark or light skies "to feel". To feel sad or happy, to cry or laugh, but "to feel" as a Human Being should and not pass over the path in a bottle tightly capped.
My own Mother herself is one that always disregards my Journal here as such "thoughts" should never be made public. How dare I?… she says. It is an opinion, maybe shared by many, I really don’t know as within my Space I always continue writing as if for myself, my own prescription replacing the past blue and pink little pills. I feel healthier, mentally for sure, and as my belief is “mind over matter”, I know also physically. The cards dealt cannot be changed, what can be changed is which ones to keep and which ones to throw back on this table present. So I deal, day after day, with no exception, just as everyone else does. The freedom is the path taken, this is what I have chosen for now as it seems even with at times physical and mental drawbacks, to be moving forward.
How can one not be in total admiration when so close to Mother Nature as I am living within her womb? How can one not be lifted when surrounded by such incredible people sending words worth the cure of many Lifetimes? It all however takes time, takes those moments of silence to meditate amongst such incoming thoughts as I realize "it" turning into a need as the only way for myself to live. I realized that fact when busy these past three days, when my mind lost it’s priviledge to be on the nurturing and familiar thinking Spiritual path. I hungered for it. I almost was lost without it’s direction. I can only hope everyone can find their Peace and Balance through their own quiet times surrounded with such beauty as I am within today.
There is a price to pay I realize. It is only a physical one to do without much of what we had for some of us having been spoiled with throughout the past years. The importance of "this" and "that" goes away, awareness takes over, inbound, outbound, one which sometimes has been hidden in the long past we have had. All we can do is try. The past five years has been such a guilt carried with no interruption, the guilt of being here, a Father suddenly without a Son. That shadow never goes away, but the days often are brighter only because of this path taken, a path I don’t think anyone can disregard as it has been kind and rewarding for so many reasons coming my way. I am thankful to be here now, watching this Sunset again and tomorrow morning hopefully a new Sunrise, this ever constant painting which never cease to change it’s colors and hues.
So yes, now the days are shorter, colder, the wood stove is alive and so are the wool caps and jackets in the evening, soon maybe all day also. There is more sleep, there is more reading and less cooking outside unless getting on with an early start. The smell of the smoke then lingering on my clothing is of a sweet perfume that takes me back so many years past to my own childhood, those moments when the future maybe was not even designed yet, when the moment was so much easier to live as the past years where few, only filed with the memories of a tender age. There is more time to write, there is more time to think, day after day. This is what I now do.
This morning a link came in by James Moore, a New York Times best-selling author, and an Emmy Award-winning TV correspondent. This little Journal of mine was mentioned ending the page his own writing of the day. There is no denial considering his credentials and the Man he is, it was a “feel good moment”. Yes, this is what I do now, Life has come a long way.
Till next time, you all be well, always, it is our best choice.
Ara & Spirit